The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling – 05.29.82

The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling – 05.29.82

Time for a little palate cleanser before Wrestlemania weekend!

Taped from Charlotte, NC

Your host is Bob Caudle

Wahoo McDaniel joins Bob at the desk to start, and he’s the NEW US champion.  Well, s---.  Sucks for Sarge.  For once they had a real patriot holding the belt and making America great again and now that’s over.  Is Wahoo even American?  Is “Oklahoma” even a real place?  I’m dubious.  So Wahoo and Don Muraco are currently trying to get the World tag tournament finals delayed a bit, because this really throws a cramp into their schedule.  But then Muraco goes off about how he spent $15,000 to move here from Hawaii because he was getting a World tag title shot, not to “fool around with other belts” while Wahoo does his own thing.  Wahoo is pretty clueless about Muraco’s hurt feelings here, sadly.  I’m loving the gradual but obvious prep for the real Don Muraco here.  1 for 1.

Don Muraco & Wahoo McDaniel v. Juan Renosa & Bill White

Muraco is particularly surly here, like me at the end of a 7 hour WWE PPV, and they control Juan with headlocks before Wahoo takes him down with a cravat and holds him on the mat.  Finally he lets him up and White comes in, as Muraco hits him with a dropkick and they take turns headlocking White off that.  Back to Renosa and Muraco works on his leg now, but then White tags in and Wahoo hits him with the big chop, at which point Slaughter joins us at ringside and pulls White out to save him.  So then the jobbers actually double-team Wahoo in the corner, but he just chops them both and then goes to deal with Slaughter in the back.  So poor Muraco has to deal with the awesome twosome of Renosa and White on his own, and he finds that his partner has ABANDONED him.  Well that’s kind of a dick move from Wahoo.  So the jobbers double-team Muraco and Wahoo finally comes back, so Muraco gives him a backhanded tag and then walks out on the match.  TOTALLY JUSTIFIED.  Renosa puts him down with an elbow as now Wahoo is feeling the pain of a missing partner in his corner, and the jobbers double-team HIM again, so he’s had enough now and chops White for the pin at 10:00.  Guys, I’m not liking the chances of this team making it to the finals if they ever happen.  Just a hunch.  2 for 2.

Wahoo McDaniel joins Bob after the match and he’s shocked that Muraco would walk out on him, just because he left first!  That’s an astounding lack of self-awareness on his part.  But onto Slaughter, as Wahoo has a tape of a match against him, and we pick it up with Slaughter holding onto the cobra clutch as Wahoo bails to the floor to escape, since there’s no countouts now.  So he runs Slaughter into the post, because there’s no DQs either, and Wahoo makes the comeback with chops back in the ring.  Slaughter actually hits him with a dropkick for two, but Wahoo finishes him with a backslide to win the title and then Slaughter attacks him afterwards.  Clearly if Slaughter’s privates were there, this miscarriage of justice would not have occurred.  Hopefully we see them later.  2 for 3.

Ken Timbs v. Terry Gibbs

No idea who the star is supposed to be here, but Gibbs later got to be the first guy to put over Ultimate Warrior on WWF TV.  They trade hammerlocks as Bob does indeed promise that later we’ll be seeing Slaughter’s privates!  And they’re mean.  That’s what I’ve heard.  Gibbs works on the arm and drops knees on it out of the hammerlock, but Timbs puts him down with an elbow for two.  And Gibbs gets an abdominal stretch and rolls him up for the pin at 2:20.  2 for 4.

Slaughter’s Privates join us, and they’ve got the Mid-Atlantic tag belts strapped around them.  Hopefully not too tightly.  Jim Nelson isn’t convinced that the title change to Wahoo actually happened, even though Wahoo just showed tape of it and he was literally sitting at ringside for it.  Bold strategy, Cotton, we’ll see if it pays off.  Also Kernodle calls him “Wahoo Squaw-hoo” for your 1982 SICK BURN OF THE WEEK contender.  Judges?

Well that seems harsh but fair.  2 for 5.

Johnny Weaver joins us and he’s got footage to show as well, this time of Ivan Koloff and the Ninja double-teaming Jake Roberts at whatever show they were at.  Jake is about to deliver his deadly kneelift, but Ninja sprays him in the eyes with some kind of harsh chemical and he’s blinded. Probably no worse than any other chemicals he was putting into his body at the time.  So Jake is not able to meet his tag team obligations with Weaver, but Jimmy Valiant storms in and swears revenge on Koloff and his Ninja friend on Jake’s behalf.  2 for 6.

Slaughter’s Privates v. Johnny Weaver & Mike Davis

So this was the rematch from two weeks ago when they had a time limit draw and thus needed to finish the match later, and so Weaver has to settle for Mike Davis as a partner.  Well at least he didn’t ask that dick Wahoo, he probably would have had to go it alone halfway through the match.  Weaver takes Kernodle down with a headscissors, but he tags out to Jim Nelson to escape.  Weaver hits him with a monkey flip and then blocks Nelson’s own attempt at a monkey flip before grabbing a headlock and backdropping him.  And then he tags in Mike Davis.  Bold strategy, Cot…oh, wait, I’ve already used that joke this week.  And then they stop the match and ring the bell at 3:22 as we now have to go to a commercial break.  David Crockett PROMISES they’ll finish it later, though.

King Kong Mosca joins us after the break and he’s pretty sure he would have finished off any of these losers in the ring in under a minute.  Also, Ivan Koloff is convinced that Jimmy Valiant is CRAZY IN THE HEAD.  I don’t even want to nominate that one for SICK BURN OF THE WEEK because I’m pretty sure the Russian judge would be biased.  And then FORMER US champion Sgt. Slaughter lets us know that he might have the belt, but he has no friends, which he’s now finding out.  Because everyone in the business is a bunch of a rats.

Slaughter’s Privates v. Johnny Weaver & Mike Davis (The Snyder Cut)

Presented in 4×3 aspect ratio to preserve the vision of Ole Anderson.  So we pick things up again after a restart and Weaver has Slaughter’s Privates all over him, but he slips out underneath one and makes a hot tag to Davis.  He trips on Nelson but comes back with a Thesz Press for two, at which point Kernodle gives him an impressive Slaughter Cannon clothesline off the middle rope to finish at 5:22 total, counting the previous match.  Finally I can sleep at night knowing this saga is wrapped up, much like the Star Wars trilogy but without all the Twitter drama.  3 for 7.  The Privates go after Mike Davis afterwards, but Ron Ritchie makes the save and pounds on the Privates until they shrink away and leave.

Rowdy Roddy Piper joins us in his classic Superman shirt with “Big Rod” on the back, and Bob isn’t impressed by his dirty trick to take out Gerry Brisco last week.  Piper clarifies that everyone is afraid of him because who YOU want to fight him?  OF COURSE NOT!  He’s the cream on your mashed potatoes. So we get tape of Brisco against Tony Russo from last week, and Piper clarifies that he doesn’t really care about whoever the guy is and if he got hurt in Piper’s attack on Brisco.  So then Piper makes fun of Jack Brisco cradling his brother’s mangled leg with tears in his eyes, and the jobber was crying, and the only guy with any substance of manhood is HIMSELF.  Plus he was flying like SUPERMAN when he came off the top rope and messed up Brisco’s leg and kids now want to grow up to be like him.  And Jack Brisco should have concentrated on growing up to be a man.  Gotta give this one the rare TWO POINTS and the clear win for the SICK BURN OF THE WEEK.  5 for 8.

Ron Ritchie joins us and he’s disgusted by Don Kernodle after they went up and down the roads drinking beer together.  Also Terry Gibbs has a t-shirt that says “Wrestlers do it on the mat”.

The Ninja & Ivan Koloff v. The Samoans

Now, the tournament for the tag titles was supposed to feature the Wild Samoans (Afa & Sika) but this appears to be a much younger pair and I’m not clear on which is would be.  Samu and Fatu didn’t start for a couple of years after this, and Tama was 84 or so.  The heels double-team the skinnier Samoan and Koloff drops a knee on him before Ninja chops him down.  Even Bob doesn’t have names for them, but Ivan finishes one of them with a backbreaker at 2:40.  5 for 9.

Jack Brisco isn’t sure if Gerry is going to be able to return to wrestling, and he accuses Piper of being a BACKSTABBER.  But despite Piper’s earlier claims of Jack ducking him, he’s willing to put the Mid-Atlantic title on the line any time Piper wants.  Also Paul Jones is here and he’s someone that exists, and that’s where we wrap it up for the week.

Clearly this Roddy Piper guy is the star of the show.  Hopefully Wahoo and Muraco can work out their interpersonal conflict problems soon, because that tag team tournament final against Ole Anderson & Stan Hansen is sure a thing that really does exist and is going to happen!