Thursday PRIME TIME Thread: April 1, 2021

“Wrestling fans, welcome to the most exciting time of the year.  We are not weeks, but days, from the biggest show in all of sports and entertainment.”

“They finally greenlit the Bobby Heenan Show?”

“You don’t have a clue!  It’s almost time for WrestleMania 37, an event so massive it needs two nights to be complete!”

“Plus you don’t want anybody in the back giving Vince the sniffles.  I know what he’s like.  He’ll try to pour bleach into your veins.”

“Highly unlikely, Brain.  But while our friend Sean Mooney has been hot on the trail of the latest news and exclusives surrounding the Showcase of the Immortals, action throughout the wrestling world has been heating up.”

“Say, Gorilla — did you see what Jericho did to his own locker room?”

“Well, he was just kicking out some trespassers, Brain.”

“Trespassers?  He was the one hiding in THEIR bathroom!”

“They stole the whole suite from him and his Inner Circle, Brain!”

“Hey, Finders Keepers!”

“Why am I not surprised you feel that way?  In addition, we’re having a blockbuster six-man main event on Wednesday for both AEW and NXT as they finally go on separate days!  NXT is putting six of their hottest young talents–”

“…and Dexter Lumis…”

“–in a gauntlet to determine who will face Johnny Gargano for the North American Title!  And on AEW, it’s those interpromotional interlopers of The so-called Elite squaring off against Jon Moxley and the Young Bucks.”

“I dunno about that, Monsoon.  My Flair sense is tingling on this one.”

“You think Moxley’s being set up?”

“No, I think the Bucks are.  Omega was seen bribing Moxley with an All-You-Can-Eat card at the local Sizzler.”

“Will you stop!?  Also on April 10, Impact Wrestling will present a special Hardcore Justice as Tommy Dreamer plays matchmaker for one night.  And what a doozy he’s announced to start — it’s title vs. career as the Virtuosa Deonna Purrazzo faces the Phenom, Jazz!”

“I’ve seen this movie before, Gorilla — it never goes well for the person putting their career on the line.  Usually it’s a desperate last-ditch attempt to become champion.”

“So why not put some of your guys in that match?”

“What are you insinuating?’

“Nothing.  Folks, it’s time for our feature bout of the evening as we head to just outside the City of Angels for this one.  AEW’s Bunny takes on the Demon Rosemary inside the confines of a steel cage!  It’s gonna be a barnburner.”

(Bring the insanity.)