The SmarK Rant for WWF Wrestling Challenge – 11.08.86
THE RECOGNIZED SYMBOL OF EXCELLENCE IN SPORTS ENTERTAINMENT
Taped from Glens Falls, NY
Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan. Take the phone off the hook, notes Gorilla. OK, boomer.
Junkyard Dog & George Steele v. Joe Mirto & Al Navarro
Animal runs Mirto into the corner right away and brings in the Dog as Gorilla notes that this shows they have “continuity” as a team. And then Bobby immediately snarks “Because they made ONE TAG? Gimme a break!” GET OUT OF MY BRAIN, BRAIN! Dog “hits” Mirto with the Thump, barely, as he almost loses him on the way down, and then the ref apparently forgets if it’s supposed to be the finish and won’t count, before finally deciding that he should count the pin after all at 2:11. Just a horrendous squash.
Wrestler’s Rebuttal with the Dream Team, as Greg Valentine complains about an article detailing Fabulous Moolah winning a battle royale they were involved in.
Meanwhile, Mr. Fuji torments Roddy Piper on Piper’s Pit, so Piper calls him a “bow legged big fat penguin” and Fuji gets all riled up and challenges him to a match to settle his honor.
Mr. Fuji v. Rowdy Roddy Piper
This is from [redacted TV show] and I believe would be Piper’s first appearance in the ring as a babyface. Piper unwraps his bad leg and beats on Fuji with Scottish Kung Fu, but Fuji hits him in the bagpipes and goes to the top rope. He misses the legdrop and Piper takes him down and beats on him, at which point Orton and Muraco hit the ring and Piper tells them to bring it on. So they do. Well, he asked for it. But then he grabs his crutch and cleans house on them, and then for the punchline, Danny Davis DQs Piper after surviving a 3-on-1 attack and awards the match to Mr. Fuji. Jesse thinks that maybe Piper should find some friends to help him.
Meanwhile, Hillbilly Jim joins Killer Ken, fresh off singing at Farm Aid in the summer. He kind of breaks character while plugging the Farm Aid line, losing his accent, and then slips back into kayfabe talking about his Granny and her possum pudding. Mmmmm…possum pudding.
Meanwhile, at the bank, Slick sells Hercules to Bobby Heenan, but will only accept cash in exchange, which he loads into a paper bag because he’s got CLASS. Classic.
Hercules v. Scott McGhee
Oddly, he was Hercules Hernandez last week but loses his last name later in the same tapings. McGhee gets a bit of shine with a dropkick, but Herc puts him down with a clothesline and puts him away with the torture rack at 1:04. McGhee was always a guy that should have been bigger but suffered a huge stroke in 1988 and never really recovered.
The Islanders join Killer Ken and it’s so weird to hear Haku doing promos. Meanwhile Tama is a fired up jive-talking samoan and they should have let him talk more, he’s pretty good here.
Meanwhile, Jesse Ventura interviews Honky Tonk Man and he’s been noticing that the fans aren’t exactly embracing Honky. Honky notes that even though he’s been shaking greasy hands and kissing some really ugly babies, people still don’t appreciate him! Jesse suggests a vote of confidence from the fans. Now we’re getting to the good stuff!
Hillbilly Jim & Billy Jack Haynes v. Jimmy Jack Funk & Rick Renshaw
Jimmy Jack holds his own for a bit, but brings in Renshaw and he gets destroyed by Hillbilly before Billy Jerk finishes with the full nelson at 1:55. Oh man, this match made my wacky tag team name senses EXPLODE! Not that I know why Hillbilly was teaming with Haynes, but they could be HILL-BILLY JACK! Or they could bring Jimmy Jack Funk in as the third member of the team and be HILL-BILLY JIMMY JACK! THEY’LL MAKE MILLIONS! Anyway this was such a wacky and random team that I had to look up what they did afterwards, and sure enough, they never even teamed or interacted again after this appearance together. In fact neither guy even really had any kind of program going with anyone until they started the Hercules-Billy Jack thing up in 1987 so I don’t know what the point was here.
The Snake Pit with special guest Bobby Heenan and Mr. Wonderful. Jake is surprised that Hogan has so much quickness and speed while he runs away from Orndorff’s challenges. Paul thinks we can ask Hogan’s girlfriend who the real man is. That’s pretty saucy for 1986.
Butch Reed v. Jerry Allen
Reed misses a forearm and Allen takes him down with an armbar as Bobby announces that Captain Lou Albano will be announcing his retirement next week. And he wasn’t lying! Reed beats Allen down and chokes him out on the ropes while Bobby dodges the question about how much he paid for Hercules. Reed with a clothesline and he goes up to the middle rope with a flying clothesline to finish at 2:12.
Meanwhile, Captain Lou and the Bulldogs confirm that in fact he will be retiring and Matilda will manage the Bulldogs from now on. But first, he’ll team with them to take on the Dream Team and Johnny V.
The Islanders v. Frenchie Martin & Dave Wagner
Tama controls Frenchie and works the arm while we get a clever inset promo from Sheik & Volkoff where Sheik says his name should actually be “HAK-PTOO!” Haku launches Tama with a rocket launcher on Wagner and then suplexes him to set up Tama’s flying splash at 2:24.
Bobby Heenan joins Killer Ken, and points out that Paul Orndorff would win the triple crown in baseball, or the Super Bowl in football, and he’s got a simple name: MR. WONDERFUL.
Next week: Randy Savage v. Koko B. Ware! King Harley Race v. Cpl Kirschner! The Bulldogs & Captain Lou v. The Dream Team & Johnny V! Damn, loaded show next time.