The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 03.24.21
Live from Jacksonville, FL
Your hosts are Jim Ross, Excalibur & Tony Schiavone
Kenny Omega v. Matt Sydal
They trade wristlocks while Don Callis joins the commentary team and immediately annoys everyone, and Kenny puts Sydal down with an elbow to block a snapmare. Sydal takes him out to the floor, however, and then tries for a test of strength in the ring and loses that battle. Kenny goes to work on the arm and puts the boots to him, but Sydal returns fire with his own kicks and a standing moonsault where he lands ass-first right on Kenny’s face. Wrong third eye there, I’d say. Sydal goes up but gets crotched and slammed off, and he turns it into a headscissors in mid-air before Omega puts him down with a clothesline. Backbreaker gets two and tries for a piledriver, but Sydal fights him off and gets a pair of spinkicks. Kenny tries to go up and Sydal snaps off a rana to bring him down, and a brainbuster gets two. They fight to the top and Sydal tries another rana, but Kenny blocks him and Sydal goes down HARD, bouncing off the top rope. Omega hits him with an ushigoroshi to setup a V-Trigger attempt, but Sydal rolls him up for two and follows with the Lightning Spiral for two. He goes up for a meteora, but Kenny catches him and powerbombs him twice, and then BANGS him with the V-Trigger for two. Another V-Trigger on the ropes sets up the Angel, but Sydal counters with a poison rana and goes up, only to be crotched. And then Kenny pops up with a V-Trigger to the top and tries another Angel, but Sydal catches him with a victory roll for two. And then Kenny wallops him again with another knee, and the One Winged Angel finishes at 11:25. He put up a hell of a fight, you gotta give him that. ****
Meanwhile, the Dark Order readies themselves for Silver’s title challenge tonight, practicing trust falls while an amused Hangman looks on. And of course, poor Five gets left to fall.
Cezar Bononi v. Hangman Page
As I mentioned on Twitter, this finally happened to me this week:
THEY FINALLY CAME TO CANADA. Or at least came to the Toys R Us website for an hour, at which point I got tipped off and jumped on it. And yes, Toys R Us is still a thing in Canada. Bononi uses his power to start, but Hangman throws clotheslines and then hits him with a suplex and Buckshot Lariat to finishes him off at 2:14. Good to see Page getting a squash win to get his mojo back.
Meanwhile, Lance Archer offers his thoughts on Sting and how the bat used to mean JUSTICE, but now it’s Lance’s time.
Last week, Thunder Rosa and Britt Baker beat the holy hell out of each other and it’s pretty awesome.
Dr. Britt Baker DMD, who already has a t-shirt of her bloodied face, joins Tony to talk about the match, and she still hates Thunder Rosa and wonders why everyone is talking about her if Rosa was the winner. Also Mick Foley might have put her over, but it took him 20 years to become a hardcore legend and she did it in one night. SPICY.
Meanwhile, Christian hangs out with the Varsity Blonds, but Kazarian stops by and wonders when the “Work” part of “Out Work Everyone” comes into play. So next week they got a match going on. “Hey, you busy on Monday nights? Nah, you’re not busy.”
FTR & Shawn Spears v. The Varsity Blonds & Dante Martin
The babyfaces work on Spears in the corner, but Pillman gets caught in the Pinnacle corner and has to fight them all off with superkicks. Griff comes in with a spear that sends them to the floor and the faces try to follow with a dive, but Wardlow stares them down to prevent it and we take a break. Back with Dax hitting Martin with a brainbuster, and Spears hits the C4 for the pin at 6:23. Unfortunately most of the match was during the break so there’s not much to rate here.
The Pinnacle does their post-match promo, as MJF notes that Jericho was supposed to “break the walls down” but now he’s only breaking whatever chairs he’s sitting down on.
Meanwhile, Team Taz assures us that EVERYTHING IS FINE and there’s no problems and Cage personally apologized to everyone for praising Sting. Very convincing.
QT Marshall joins us, and he points out that besides Tony Khan, no one has done more actual work than him. What about all the coffee he makes for Cody? So next week, he’s challenging his best friend Cody to an exhibition, which brings Cody out from gorilla. So he rather condescendingly agrees to the match and offers up AA as the referee, but he promises not to hurt QT. How noble of him. They must have known what a dick this would make Cody look like.
The Young Bucks & Brandon Cutler v. The Lucha Bros & Laredo Kid
The increasingly evil Alex the Translator is one of the low key highlights of every show. Nick and Fenix trade rollups to start, and then Cutler comes in and gets chased to the floor, before Fenix uses a double springboard wristlock takedown to put the Bucks on the floor with him and Penta follows with a dive. Fenix wants his own, but Cutler cuts him off and hits his own dive, and then Kid moonsaults everyone. Back in, Kid goes up and the Bucks kick him down and hit the Motor City Machine Gun finisher, for two. We take a break and return with Penta running wild on the Bucks as Fenix puts them down with superkicks and then pops up to Penta’s shoulders and dives off with a splash for two. Penta goes up with a diving stomp and Fenix follows with a swanton for two on Nick. Fenix tries the cutter and Nick blocks him, so they trade superkicks and it’s LEG SLAPS FOR EVERYONE before Nick hits a lariat and they’re both down. Laredo Kid comes in and tries a DDT, but Matt blocks him and hits the northern lights suplexes. Bucks double-team him with Risky Business and Cutler springs in with an elbow for two. The Bucks manage to roll Fenix into an Indytaker in a crazy sequence, but then the ring gets cleared again with more dives, and Laredo Kid finishes Cutler with a Spanish Fly off the top at 12:18. This was just non-stop crazy lucha action. ***1/2 This brings out Kenny Omega, who lays out Laredo Kid with the belt and then cuts a paranoid rant on the Bucks about how they chose Cutler and not him, after he gave up the “greener pastures of New York” for AEW. So he offers one last chance to throw up the 2 Sweet, and they ghost him, which appears to end the Elite. And then the Lucha Bros return and put the beats on Kenny while Callis casually slinks off and hides behind the ref. Omega’s descent into Hal Jordan-style madness continues to be tremendous.
Meanwhile, Eddie Kingston has a broken something in his foot, and people are gonna PAY for it. And Moxley owes the Bucks a favor now, and he hates owing people favors.
Nyla Rose v. Tay Conti
Nyla quickly boots her down and puts the boots to her, but Tay wraps her up in an armbar and rolls her up for two. Tay takes her down with judo throws, but walks into a slam that gets two. Nyla chokes her out in the corner and puts her down with a clothesline and follows with the diving knee for two. We take a break and return with Nyla missing a senton, as Conti makes the comeback and slugs away in the corner. She’s FIRED UP and takes Rose to the apron for a knee strike off the middle rope that gets two. Tay goes up and misses, but hits a pump kick before Rose clotheslines her for two. Tay blocks the powerbomb and keeps coming with kicks and the “DD-Tay” hammerlock DDT for the clean pin at 9:08. Man, I was just thinking that tonight was the right time to pull the trigger, and they DID IT! *** Conti was showing amazing babyface fire here and deserves to get a shot. Nyla tries to attack afterwards, but Hikaru Shida saves with a kendo stick, and then Bunny jumps into the fight. The after-match stuff kind of took away from Tay’s big win, unfortunately.
Meanwhile, we prepare for ARCADE ANARCHY next week. Plus the women’s tag match set up by the last segment.
Meanwhile, Scorpio Sky is done with being underrated.
TNT title: Darby Allin v. John Silver
Silver wants the test of strength to start, but Allin takes him down with a headlock, so Silver wallops him with a shoulderblock to put him on the floor. Back in, Silver hits him with forearms in the corner and HURLS him across the ring and into the corner, then follows with a running knee and brainbuster for two. And we take a break, and return with Silver in control on the floor, but he misses a charge and runs into the railing. The Dark Order threatens to get some revenge on Allin, but this brings out Sting to warn them off with his bat. Back in, Silver is working with a hurt arm, so he throws kicks instead, but Darby gets a backslide and Silver rolls into more kicks. So Darby rolls him up for two and tries the stunner, but Silver counters into a sleeper on the mat, and Allin rolls him over for two. Silver with a DDT for two and Darby rolls to the floor to recover while Sting continues to hold off the Dark Order. Back in, Silver throws more kicks and Darby won’t stay down, so Silver lays in the LEATHER in the corner and gets a victory roll for two. Darby fires back with the springboard elbow, but Silver kicks him into the corner and they go to the top, where Darby blocks a suplex and then hits the Dark Order with a coffin drop to the floor. Back in, Darby goes up and Silver kicks him down and follows with a top rope slam for two, as Allin is in the ropes. Darby reverses the powerbomb into a Code Red for the pin to retain at 14:23, however. We get some respect shown afterwards, but then Matt Hardy starts some shit and we get a huge brawl with the Hardy Family and the Dark Order afterwards to end the show. Oh man, a Darby Allin movie about the Hardy Compound might break the internet once and for all. Also, this was way better than it had any right to be. ***1/2
Actually, that’s kind of the theme for the show, as it didn’t seem like much going in and far exceeded expectations this week. I’m so glad to see Tay Conti coming into her own and hope they continue down that road with her, and I hope Kenny keeps getting crazier and more megalomaniacal as he collects belts.