The SmarK Rant for The Main Event #3 – 02.23.90
(Originally written sometime in 2015 when the SNMEs all dropped onto the Network.)
My original rant was ridiculously bad, so here’s a redo.
Live(ish) from Detroit, MI, drawing 21000 and a 12.8 rating.
Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jesse Ventura
By this time the bloom was definitely off the rose as far as the WWF’s relationship with NBC went, and swapping out Mike Tyson for Buster Douglas certainly didn’t help the ratings any. Show still did good, but this was the last one that was a big deal in prime time.
WWF World title: Hulk Hogan v. Randy Savage
James Buster Douglas is the special ref, coming off his 15 minutes of fame as the first guy to knock out Tyson and thus replacing him as the ref. Savage gets the necksnap to start and puts him on the floor with a high knee, but Douglas prevents any followup from Savage. Back in the ring, Randy accidentally puts Sherri down with a high knee and Hulk clotheslines him and slugs away in the corner. Corner elbow and Hulk slugs away, then puts him down with a clothesline before slugging away on the mat. Savage comes back with a back elbow and drops the knee for two. Sherri gets her cheapshots in, resulting in Douglas sending her back to the dressing room. And we take a break. Back with Savage holding a sleeper, but Hulk elbows out and overpowers him. Double clothesline, but Savage is fine and gets two. To the floor for the double axehandle, and back in for another one for two. Jesse notes that Earl Hebner counts like “he’s throwing a baseball 200 yards.” He’s got a point. Savage throws the rights and puts Hogan on the floor, but Douglas gets in the way again. Savage slams Hulk and drops the elbow, but it’s Hulk Up Time. Big boot puts Savage on the floor and the ref is bumped as Hogan hits the legdrop, so Douglas counts instead at 9:55, despite Savage kicking out at two. BUSTER DOUGLAS SCREWED RANDY SAVAGE. This was on the shitty end of their never-ending series, although not WCW-bad. ** But really, Savage was booked so bad leading up to this that there was no way anyone would buy him as a legitimate threat to the title, let alone one worthy of a prime time title shot.
Meanwhile, Dino Bravo and Earthquake posit that they have more brains than Ultimate Warrior, and better insurance coverage, and therefore Bravo will walk out with the title tonight. I’m not sure I agree 100% with your detective work there, Lou.
Meanwhile, WARRIOR NEEDS NOT INSURANCE! He’s got brainwaves speaking to him on an unknown frequency. Or something. Spectacular.
Intercontinental title: Ultimate Warrior v. Dino Bravo
Warrior, who has managed to change facepaint between the promo and the match, storms in with a powerslam and chases Bravo out of the ring, but gets clubbed to the floor. Warrior retreats under the ring and pulls Jimmy Hart under there with him, possibly to rape him, but probably not. Queering don’t make the world work. But I should note that Jimmy emerges without his pants. Just saying. If the internet has taught me anything, it’s that you can say whatever horrible things you want about a person living and dead, as long as you finish your rant with “Just saying.” Back in, Bravo with the bearhug and SIDESLAM OF DOOM, but that only gets two and Warrior makes the comeback and finishes destroying the geek of the week with his usual at 4:11. DUD Earthquake comes in for the heel beatdown, and I have to say it’s surprising that they never did the Warrior-Earthquake program in any serious fashion after Warrior won the title. Anyway, Hogan makes the save, which offends the other-dimensional voices in Warrior’s head because there’s like six people up there and he probably felt he had enough backup with just them.
And then we’ve got like 10 minutes left, so let’s go back to Royal Rumble for the Hogan-Warrior showdown, and their following run-ins on SNME, to really sell the shit out of Wrestlemania VI. See, this is what you call THE HARD SELL, which is why they used to do monster buyrates and make money off PPV and stuff.
As a show, this was a total throwaway, with a mediocre Hogan-Savage match and the definition of a forgettable guest in the form James Douglas. Definitely skip it.