After visiting Memphis last weekend, I’m happy to fulfil a request and head to the Sportatorium this weekend for the GWF. When I first read in wrestling magazines about the Global Wrestling Federation in 1991 as a new fan I was quite impressed, with the Patriot seeming a surefire superstar and a abundance of credible stars and a legendary home base. Didn’t take long to go wrong, though.
Today’s review will be an episode from their first year, tomorrow’s review will be an episode from their last year.
From the “Global Dome” (Sportatorium), hosted by Craig Johnson, who I think I’ve mentioned before gets my hackles up with his smug face and annoying voice. Nothing like Joey Styles or Michael Cole, but still. He’s joined by the Renegade Warriors for the opening promo, with the fatter one immediately fucking up by calling the Maulers by their WCW name of the Royal Family.
The Handsome Stranger vs. Sweet Daddy Falcone
Commentary immediately improves with the presence of Scotty the Body, or Scott Anthony, but he leaves early to go and annoy Stranger. Did anyone have a more fucked up career than Marcus Bagwell, with so many attributes but achieving so little in the big scheme of things? Definitely a guy who was his own worst enemy. Here he’s got a Lone Ranger mask on and is a mix between his real life job as a stripper and a wrestler. Falcone is a big Italian guy with a mullet that was around for a while, and a lot of people tend to think he’s black if they’ve only seen the name and not the guy. Falcone blocks a hip toss with a clothesline, but gets dropkicked out when he stops to brag. Back in they fuck up a leapfrog, so Stranger kicks him in the ass and they try again. Better luck on the second go. Falcone clotheslines Stranger on the top rope on a charge, then gets a really nice clothesline. Backbreaker for two. He misses a Big Boss Man rope straddle and bounces back. Stranger just about hits him with a dropkick and follows up with a flying clothesline, then finishes with a missile dropkick, which Falcone was straight out of. I’ll forgive it the fuck-ups, but it was barely passable as a match.
Boni Blackstone talks to Steven Dane, who is of course the brother of Scott Casey and has a glorious blonde mullet. He’s just turned heel and is possibly looking for a manager from what I translated using my hick-to-English dictionary.
Barry Horowitz vs. Chaz
Chaz is not Chaz Ware, AKA Mosh, but is a Texas regular who was the son of another Texas regular, Tug Taylor. He’s more mullet than man and pretty skinny here, although Sean Waltman, his regular opponent at the time, was quick to mention in an interview in recent years that he’s closer to his dad’s weight these days. Craig on commentary recaps Barry’s personal history, including being managed by Percy Pringle III. You can tell he was dying to say “And he’s Paul Bearer now!”, but he showed restraint. Barry gets a nice belly-to-back suplex out of a side headlock and follows up with a belly-to-belly for two. Sweet double underhook and a legdrop for two. Barry had an interesting way of doing a legdrop, putting his hand underneath his thigh as he dropped. Abdominal stretch into a cradle for two. Standing abdominal stretch for an attempt at a submission victory. Chaz hip tosses out of it, totally missed by the camera, but charges and gets thrown out of the ring and almost onto the interview stage. Barry throws him out again, with Chaz fucking up a skim the cat move but recovering it nicely, then springboarding back in with a clothesline/bulldog for the three-count. Nice match, Barry might have had a geeky loser gimmick but he was a more than capable wrestler and Chaz did alright too.
“Hot Stuff” Eddie Gilbert vs. Rick Gerren
Scotty is back on commentary now. Gerren seemingly shaped up a bit better later in his career, but is pudgy here. Eddie dominates and goes for a suplex, but puts him back down and just punches him instead. Gerren can’t run the ropes properly, although his bumps are decent, so Eddie keeps it to punches, uppercuts and kicks. DDT as Craig and Scotty debate how responsible Eddie is for the success of Sting and the Ultimate Warrior. I’d say not very much given he’s in Global and they were where they were. Gerren misses a dropkick that would’ve really hurt the South side of Eddie’s testicles if it hit, so he finishes with the Hot Shot. Eddie’s great, Gerren not so much.
I have to mention that one of the commercials on this recording is for Rolling Ruler, which is made to look like an invention of the gods with how much they go on about it in hushed, reverent tones. Only $12.98 plus shipping and handling.
Hollywood John Tatum and Hot Rod Price vs. Private Terry Daniels and Action Jackson
The heels are managed by Skandor Akbar, who’s adopting the title Mr. instead of Sheik or General and rocking the business suit. After you’ve spent a few months prior dressing up like Saddam Hussein you probably just want to play it straight. Jackson’s singlet fails to hold in place all the mounds of flab he’s made up of. John Tatum is one of my favourite lower scale heels with his hilarious facial expressions and ludicrous claims. Jackson fucks up a leapfrog (what’s happening with that tonight?) and just double chops Price in the throat. Tatum comes in to dominate Daniels as Scotty pimps his sideline, which I think was actually legit, of being a golf coach. “I don’t know what his handicap is. I know what mine is – you!” Scotty is pretty much hogging the microphone and it’s a far more entertaining show for it. Price gets a press slam and a legdrop. Kinda surprised with his look that he never got a look with the big two. The California Connection gets a double big boot for two. Daniels gets a monkey flip as Price makes the blind tag, but Daniels gets the pair so far away with a follow-up Thesz press that Price is having to communicate to him to get back up to get ready to take the finish, so Tatum waits and waits until he sets up for a piledriver and superkicks him for three. Bar the botched ending that was a lot of fun, as much due to Scotty as the reliable heels.
Boni Blackstone speaks to Sue, who I’m guessing is a fan. She wants to ask Terry Garvin (not that one) and Chaz if they’ve ever thought about forming a tag team because they’re both so good looking. I’m guessing that’s including lowered Texas standards and cataracts.
The Patriot vs. Al Perez
This is joined in progress from a recent show, with it fifteen minutes in. Eddie Gilbert has come out to ringside, which I’m guessing is the start of the Dark Patriot feud. Patriot just has an awesome look with the mask and gimmick and body and if he hadn’t been such a fucked up drug addict he would’ve been massive. He told a story on Steve Austin’s podcast about shooting up in the car on the way to the airport before commencing a Japan tour and hitting an artery, covering himself and his wife with all the blood that started spraying out. Also, it seems like any decision he and his mentor Wahoo McDaniel made involved an unsparing snort of coke before they made it. Patriot and Perez knock heads and Gilbert tries to push Perez on top, but Patriot small packages him for the win. Perez seemingly turns babyface after telling Gilbert off, who whimpers like a coward and then hits him from behind with his boot, then follows up with a chair attempt. Patriot makes the save for his opponent, allowing Perez to get a comeback and for Eddie to do his goofy bumps, which were entirely designed to protect his body that was already fucked up from his car crash in the WWF. Patriot and Perez shake hands after. That was pretty cool.
The Renegade Warriors vs. The Maulers
So, the Maulers are the former Royal Family/New Zealand Militia. Eddie Gilbert has replaced Scotty on commentary and is trying to trump Craig on wrestling heritage trivia. Craig knows that the Youngbloods are second generation wrestlers and had a brother called Mark, but didn’t know the dad’s name (Ricky Romero). Chris was part of a funny blooper that I’ll add as a bonus at the end. Chris and Mark run rings around Rip Morgan and then catch Jack Victory off his guard, so he kicks the mats up in frustration. To tell the two Youngbloods apart, Craig says Chris is the one wearing a vest and Mark is the one who isn’t. Eddie says it’s actually a bra. He’s not wrong. Eddie just goes on a riff about Wahoo being in a care home and taking his false teeth out, probably to amuse himself. Rip gets the advantage after Mark goes flying outside and softly rams his back into the corner post. He wouldn’t have broken an egg with that “effort”. Craig now feeds off Eddie’s trivia about Rip and one of the Bushwhackers being related, which highlights a big problem with the promotion that many have been guilty of – talking about the competition way too much when they should be talking about their own stars. The Maulers work over the back, then Jack gets a nice clothesline. He walks into a boot, though, and the one in the bra tags in. They flapjack Tits Youngblood quickly, though, and dump him. Bra-less comes back in, so Jack hits referee James Beard for the DQ and Boobs saves Floppy after a double gourdbuster with a chair. It had just started to find its flow when they cut to the finish.
Interview with Chaz and Terry Garvin (Simms). Terry died in recent years and was a nice guy, but as far as a heartbreaker… He looks like one of those guys who turns up in a meme of old family photographs where the husband, wife, son and daughter all had the same mullet and were wearing stars and stripes shirts. To answer Sue’s question, they’re going to form a team. Quite homoerotic mutual appreciation going on between them.
In the commercials, our introduction to the Super Nintendo Entertainment System and Super Mario World. A bit more sound, a bit more enemies, a bit more Mario, a bit more what you want!
Craig signs us off with a reminder of who won their matches and then brings in the Maulers. Rip’s got one of the deepest voices I’ve heard in wrestling and I’m surprised they didn’t give him more promo time. And that’s it!
The Bottom Line: An inoffensive hour, with a show that had some aspirations and good ideas but also a few problems they were either going to sort out or weren’t. In the long term, they succumbed to them and it wasn’t the revolution they hoped for.
Bonus: From Dallas and World Class, General Skandor Akbar joins Marc Lowrance on commentary to talk up the Medicine Man Chris Youngblood and his sizable rear is too much for the chair to hold and it breaks right underneath him, quite audibly, joined by much laughter from the audience. Ak is quite the pro and holds his hands up to it happening, then gets straight back into character and starts interrogating the corpsing Lowrance in hilarious style over being the engineer of his downfall. Really funny stuff.