USWA – March 16th, 1991

I’m not topping the ’89 Survivor Series review today, but after yesterday did the King win back the belt or did he ride off into the sunset?

From the studio, which is a bit louder today because everyone’s there at the right time, with the regional dream team of Dave Brown and Michael St. John, who announces that Jerry Lawler beat Terry Funk, leading to…

Interview with Dr. Tom Prichard and Eric Embry. “Injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere!”, yells Tom, who’s griping over Funk losing the belt and Jackie Fargo, who apparently turned his head when Lawler piledrived Funk. “I could beat Frankenstein if I had Tom refereeing!”, says Embry. That’s a stretch. They force Dave to throw to the footage of the match earlier than planned.

Jerry Lawler vs. Terry Funk

This is highlights, with Fargo definitely being forceful in his refereeing, including punching Tom Prichard off the apron. I assume it’s St. John on the call, but he sounds like a weird cross between Les Thatcher and Crispy Cruiser. As well as having shaven down to a moustache, Funk has cut his hair shorter too, which absolutely has to be for a role. Google image searches would seem to indicate it was for Quantum Leap. Tables, the guard rail and a foreign object see themselves being used. Funk goes to finish with the foreign object, but Fargo refuses to make the count. He then blocks Funk’s attempted piledriver and the camera doesn’t catch whether he did look the other way on Lawler’s, but he certainly gave a quick count to give Jerry the title back. Prichard and Embry run in for the beatdown, but Lawler and Fargo make their own comeback.

Back in the studio, Embry rants and raves about people from Tennessee and they bring in Tojo Yamamoto as someone who knows Lawler. Tojo says nothing as Lawler walks in with the belt. Lawler starts making a rebuttal to him, but they beat him down before Eddie Gilbert and his fluorescent pink tights runs in to help. The Texas Hangmen then make their debut backing up the Texas team. Jeff Jarrett eventually runs in with a stepladder to run the heels off. And they say the nWo and hot angles with run-ins were a new thing.

Nightmare Danny Davis and Brian Collins vs. The Texas Hangmen

I’d never get excited about the Hangmen, but I like the leather executioner masks they wear over their heads to the ring like Demolition, with the cool masks underneath with the bull skulls over the face. And either I or the announcers got Brian Collins’ name wrong in the last episode. Psycho and Killer double-team Collins at first. No way of really telling them apart once they have their personalised vests off. Collins is muscled up for a powerslam that luckily doesn’t go wrong. DDT follows, then a rolling neckbreaker. The double axehandle/aided neckbreaker follows. I expected that to be the finish, but he’s back up for a belly-to-belly for two before the Hangman pulls him up. Pretty cool assisted powerbomb, which should again be the finish but isn’t. Davis hasn’t got in at all in the five minutes it ran for, with the Hangmen eventually finishing with a double headbutt. Dominant win, but went far too long.

Interview with the Texas Hangmen, who say a lot of nothing. Rick Gantner’s not convincing, but at least Tough Tom is from Texas.

Back from a break with Dave and Michael, who talk about how basketball games have replaced wrestling at the Mid-South Coliseum while wrestling will be at the Youth Building at the Fairgrounds with FREE PARKING via Parkway or Central. I believe that this was the beginning of the end for wrestling at the Coliseum, although they’d be back later in the year. They then run down the card, including “New Kid” Brian Christopher, Johnny Rotten and a Texas vs. Tennessee eight-man tag team match, with Tojo and Fargo both in action. A lot of this stuff is archaic, but it’s the way they made their money.

Recorded interview with Terry Funk after losing the belt, who takes to knocking Lawler’s girlfriend, who he must’ve met at a dog show. That no-good Jackie Fargo cost him the belt, so he’s going to bring some Texas outlaws to beat those Tennessee PERVERTS on Monday night at the Youth Building, including “that devious… moron, that Japanese… goof!” when he can’t remember Tojo’s name! Terry totally lost his train of thought but kept it together in hilarious fashion. “How can I do better than a Japanese goof?!”

The Scorpion and Stunning Steve Austin vs. Jeff Jarrett and Eddie Gilbert

Stone Cold definitely earning his stripes by teaming with this masked… moron, this mismatched boots… goof! Apparently he wears one black boot and one white boot to intimidate his opponents, according to Dave. Either that or taking advantage of their OCD. Jeff’s going for some sort of nautical theme with his white tights with blue and green waves on them. Still better than anything else he wore in his career. Eddie’s playing babyface but wrestling as a heel, pulling on Steve’s hair. Don’t touch the hair, it won’t stick around long doing that! He also chokes out the Scorpion while JC Ice complains on the outside. I’m assuming that Scorp is a holdover from the year before to play into the Black Scorpion in WCW. Pretty much a masterclass in cheating behind the ref’s back with the crowd covering for them. About the only legal hold is a DDT from Jeff. Steve just hangs out in the corner and says he’ll leave it and not try. Eddie gets a piledriver behind Paul Neighbors’ back, then Jeff finishes with a missile dropkick off the second rope. Steve and JC have already left. Dave would give the time of the fall, but he accidentally pressed reset on the stopwatch. Pretty funny match.

Interview with Lawler, Jarrett and Gilbert ahead of the Texas vs. Tennessee cage match. Lawler pimps his personal appearances first, then rebuts about his girlfriend looking like a dog. Eric Embry took his girlfriend to the greyhound races and someone bet on her! Lawler talks for all three for five minutes between telling jokes, talking up all the gold they have, and promising the Texas guys a beating. Jeff then gets his words in, getting the number of opponents wrong initially, then Eddie cuts an intense promo about how his grudge with the Texas guys is because they are the cause of him not having either Lawler or Jarrett’s belt. Nice bit of foreshadowing for what I imagine was an eventual turn against them.

Recorded interview with Jackie Fargo, pally! He doesn’t want to embarrass anybody by swearing, pal. Funk, you ain’t nothing, baby! He’s going to have to come and beat him and his stooges up instead of going out to play golf, pally! I love me some Jackie Fargo. He shoots the finger-gun to end it.

Billy Joe Travis and Chris Frazier vs. Eric Embry and Dr. Tom Prichard

Billy Joe controls earlier, including a sweet sliding uppercut that Prichard takes a good bump off. Travis actually had a run in the WWF in his career, but was pretty much always a degenerate conman and ne’er-do-well who finally made the mistake of trying to hustle… Andre the Giant! Come on, man, pick your marks better! He eventually died early after doing a bump of coke before jumping on the sunbed, which made him give himself a heart attack. Frazier comes in and gets slaughtered, as even Michael is picking up on the weird bandage around his leg and calls him a glutton for punishment. Tom actually manages to execute his slingshot suplex this week and Embry finishes with the diving headbutt off the top.

Recap of the Texas Death match, with Embry, Prichard and Tojo outnumbering Jarrett and Gilbert, with the latter handcuffed to the ropes and Embry and Prichard hitting a double DDT on the former. Doug Gilbert tries to come to the rescue, but he gets a spike piledriver on the concrete right in front of Eddie. Then another! Knowing they were leaving the building for a while they were definitely going for heat. The anonymous announcer now sounds like Michael Hayes. Jackie Fargo comes in and gets the steel briefcase away from Tojo and bashes the heels in the head with it.

Back in the studio, Embry promises to retire the King. Yeah, he definitely knew how to talk himself into the top positions regardless of whether his pudgy self deserved it or not. Prichard goes off on a riff about how the best-looking women come from Texas and sometimes they wear jeans… and sometimes they don’t. Dave just shakes his head in the background in embarrassment.

Recap of the recent change of the light heavyweight championship from the Sportatorium, with Danny Davis holding a wristlock on El Grande Pistolero. Pistolero comes back with stiff chops. Gypsy Joe apparently made his reputation as a guy who was stiff as hell but could take pretty much anything you gave him back, even in his advanced years. Except for flaming napkins under his braces, according to the Dynamite Kid. They don’t show a finish, so Dave and Michael just fill in the details. What a waste of time that was!

Superstar Bill Dundee vs. Sgt. O’Reilly

Dave pretty much says at the start that it’s a foregone conclusion that Bill will win, but the clock’s running towards the end of the show, so the only concern is how long it’ll take. O’Reilly has red boots and doesn’t have a regulation haircut, so I’m calling into question his military credentials. In recapping Bill’s career, Michael calls it “a real Horatio Alger story”, although hopefully without the pederasty. Bill finishes with a sleeper. Steve Austin, at the urging of JC Ice and his parachute pants, attacks Dundee with a loaded glove to start the next feud. Bill even blades for it. I’ll put a bonus including the Dundee family down below.

Interview with a dazed Bill Dundee, who again rages against “the white boy”… who is this white boy? I must know! He got beat up and then left because he didn’t want any more. That musclehead Jeff Gaylord got beat up and left because he doesn’t want any more. Now it’s Steve Austin… I wonder if they had Bill see him off to WCW. Turns out the “white boy” was, of course, Tony Anthony, the DIRTY White Boy.

Dave and Michael sign off as a bizarre announcement over the end of the show clarifies that they are USWA employees and not employees of the TV station. Is that a way of subtly telling Dave he’s not going to be doing the weather any more?

The Bottom Line: Another fun show. Speaking of fun, here’s JC Ice and the Superstar on Jerry Springer, with Jamie playing a guy who’s pimping out his underage stepdaughter and Bill coming in to set him straight. Only in wrestling can a dad call his son “brother”.