The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling – 04.24.82
Nothing like checking out Slaughter’s privates on a Sunday morning.
Taped from Charlotte, NC
Your hosts are Bob Caudle & THE ELECTRIFYING Sandy Scott! Lots of things are happening and stuff is going down, including the tag team tournament. Now, keeping in mind that they announced that Wahoo & Muraco won the Western finals a MONTH ago, they still haven’t crowned the Eastern champions yet, although after weeks of searching they have SHOCKINGLY chosen RIGHT HERE in Charlotte for the Eastern half of the finals. CAN WE JUST WRAP THIS SHIT UP ALREADY? Just take a fake trip to Brazil like everyone else and award them to Hansen and Ole and get it over with.
Speaking of which, Wahoo McDaniel & Don Muraco join us, as Wahoo says they met up in the AWA and decided to form a team because Muraco was crazy and Wahoo was into it. I think Muraco was smoking more than the peace pipe at that point.
Sgt. Slaughter’s Privates v. Terry Taylor & Tim Horner
Yes, it’s a rematch of last week’s main even that broke the show! Thankfully Roddy Piper joins Bob on commentary here as Taylor slugs it out with Kernodle and Horner comes in with a dropkick for two, unable to hold Slaughter’s private down. Taylor comes in and gets caught by the privates and double-teamed in the corner, and Kernodle gets his own dropkick for two while Piper buries the city of Charlotte and notes that he’d be ashamed to hail from there. Horner gets a hot tag and gets a moment of offense, but runs facefirst into one of Slaughter’s privates in the corner and knocks himself loopy. Kernodle with an atomic drop for two and Nelson drops an elbow for two. Kernodle with a backdrop suplex for two, but he misses a dropkick and it’s back to Terry Taylor, cock of the walk. “Reminds me of myself a few years ago when I was a little worse,” notes Piper. Taylor drops a knee on Nelson and gets the abdominal stretch, putting a bunch of torque on Slaughter’s private, but Kernodle saves and the ref DQs the Privates at 7:30 as everyone brawls. As usual, you just can’t control Slaughter’s Privates.
Paul Jones v. Jim Dalton
Jones wins a slugfest and rolls him up for one as they end up in the ropes while Roddy brags about whipping Tommy Rich with a belt and now it’s “Mr. Piper” when he sees Roddy. Jones takes Dalton down and works on a toehold, but Dalton beats on him in the corner and they trade whips to the corner. Jones actually rakes him in the eyes to win that battle and puts him down with an elbow, and follows with a backdrop and finishes with a submission hold that Caudle calls a figure-four but it’s closer to that Indian deathlock that HHH spent weeks trying to get over in 2002.
Ken Timbs and David Patterson get some promo time, which has to be a replacement for one of the local drop-ins. They’re facing Muraco and Wahoo later, but David isn’t worried because he’s the Cuban champion! Ken Timbs sounds like he needs cue cards but Patterson is a pretty good promo here, having fun with this goofy filler segment, and it’s no wonder he became something of a star later. Also, spoiler, none of their plans from this promo come to fruition and they get literally no offense in their match later. Sorry.
Jack Brisco joins us and he wants to make a few comments about Roddy Piper, which of course brings out Roddy, who is interested to hear what those comments might be. So Piper cues up the tape of Tommy Rich beating on a jobber while doing a Rifftrax on the footage. Amazingly, Rich submits the guy with an ABDOMINAL STRETCH, literally the only time I’ve ever seen anyone in the history of wrestling submit to that hold. Back at the studio, Jack Brisco issues a challenge to Piper for RIGHT NOW, IN THIS VERY RING, but Piper’s got nothing to prove and walks off.
Roddy Piper joins us again and he points out that all the babyfaces have stepped up to him and failed, and so Tommy Rich “went to the phone booth and put on the Superman cape”, so Roddy took off his belt and WHIPPED HIM, and he whips the table for dramatic effect. Well that clears it up. Also, Sgt. Slaughter doesn’t know who his next opponent for the US title is going to be, but they’re in for pain. Also King Kong Mosca won the $25,000 regional tournament in Montreal, but Ole Anderson isn’t impressed.
Sgt. Slaughter v. Tony Anthony
Anthony goes after the arm to start, but Slaughter takes him down and grinds an elbow into his neck on the mat. Sarge works the arm, but Anthony grabs a headlock, so Slaughter takes him down again and drops knees on the arm. Anthony makes the ropes, so Slaughter drops elbows on his shoulder and goes back to the armbar again. Russian legsweep gets two and Slaughter goes back to the armbar as this is a far more, shall we say, leisurely squash than Slaughter had been working at this point. Anthony manages to get a sunset flip for two and a small package for two, so Slaughter decides that he’s had enough and lays in the leather on him with overhand chops on the ropes. Anthony won’t stay down, so Sarge hits him with the Slaughter Cannon and finishes him off with the cobra clutch at 7:02.
Terry Taylor & Tim Horner join us, and Taylor is disgusted with the actions of Slaughter’s Privates, as they’re all about hurting people. Horner points out that Slaughter’s privates will just keep coming at you over and over!
TOTALLY REAL AND NON-FABRICATED WESTERN TAG TEAM TOURNAMENT WINNERS Wahoo McDaniel & Don Muraco v. David Patterson & Ken Timbs
Wahoo chops Patterson down right away and Muraco comes in with a powerslam, and it’s back to Wahoo for another chop and a chinlock. Over to Timbs and Muraco dismantles him before Wahoo adds a backdrop suplex on him. Muraco works the leg with a spinning toe hold and catapults him into a Wahoo chop, but Wahoo gets a butterfly suplex and picks him up at one. Muraco with a dropkick and neckbreaker, and Wahoo comes in with another chop before Muraco finishes Timbs off with the tombstone piledriver at 5:33. I have no idea how they came up with the wacky idea of Magnificent Muraco and Wahoo McDaniel as the supposed babyface winners of the Western half of the tournament, but they were not a good fit together.
Jake Roberts is tired of Slaughter punishing good wrestlers like Tony Anthony and he’s been known to lay in a little leather himself. Hopefully he doesn’t lay in too much leather on Slaughter’s privates. And finally Muraco and Wahoo do their victory promo and Don redefines the word “coke-addled” here, barely able to stand still and deliver his lines without vibrating off into another dimension like the Flash.
I am so, so ready for them to just wrap up this stupid tag team tournament and move onto something else as the main focus of the show already. Anyway, Tommy Rich submitted a dude with an abdominal stretch and then he had to go home and face his family afterwards, so that’s a thing worth watching because I don’t think it ever happened again after 1982.