Tonight is the most fun random show of the year for a live crowd — the Royal Rumble! Problem? There IS no live crowd. So don’t expect me to hang around. If you wanna hang around with me, I’m on Skype at DukesAPG at the Hotmails. Yes, I still use Skype, that’s how old I am.
However, I leave you the Unofficial Blog of Doom Royal Rumble Drinking Game! Select your number at random. Then:
- Every time your wrestler goes over the top rope, lands on the apron, and returns to the match, take a sip.
- If your wrestler is completely detached from the ring, having gone over the top rope, but his/her feet somehow have not touched the floor (the Kofi/Naomi spot), chug.
- If your wrestler is out before the next wrestler enters, finish your drink. (If you draw #30, chug once the bell rings to start the match; you will have time to recover.)
- If your wrestler is involved in an elimination where Wrestler A tosses Wrestler B from a gorilla press onto Wrestlers C, D, and E, take one shot if you have Wrestler A, two if you have Wrestlers B-E.
- If Wrestler A does reps with Wrestler B but does not eliminate Wrestler B, take a sip for each rep if you have Wrestler A.
- If your wrestler does not enter the ring by the time the buzzer for the next wrestler goes off, take a shot.
- If your wrestler’s appearance in the Rumble makes Corey Graves burst out laughing, take a shot.
There. That oughta get you nice and hammered.
If all else fails, watch some Botchamania, featuring bad Raw booking, Taz unable to control his laughter on commentary, the Go-Big Show host mortified, Steve Here And Larson doing reading, and a ton of endings.
And now, here it is: your Moment of Zen.
Let’s get Ready To Rumbllllllllllllllllllllllle…