The Thursday PRIME TIME Thread: January 28, 2021

“Hello again, folks, as it’s Thursday night and time for an edition of Prime Time Wrestling.”

“And you’d better be on your best behavior, Gorilla; we saw on Dark that even a child can do better than you.”

“I’ll have him replace you!  You’re the weak link around here!”

“Get rid of the smartest man in wrestling for a child?  Lay off the bananas, Ape-Man, they’re clear rotting your brain.”

“Folks, Sunday night is the night we’ve all been waiting for as 30 men and 30 women determine two of the biggest matches in WrestleMania with the Royal Rumble!”

“And don’t forget, it’s everyone for themselves.  You’re gonna see teams go at it, enemies ignore each other — an absolutely unpredictable night.  I hated this match when I was a manager, Monsoon; it always seemed to bring out the worst in the Family.”

“The worst?  Think about how much ground THAT covers, folks!  In addition, Drew McIntyre will defend his world title when he faces the timeless legend, Bill Goldberg!”

“This is an unfair match, let me tell you.  You’ve got The Man in one corner, and a man in a skirt in the other.  How is he supposed to compete?”

“Drew McIntyre’s a bigger man than you’ll ever be.”

“Real men don’t wear skirts.  Just look at Roddy Piper.”

“I’m gonna tell him you said that.  But one match where toughness won’t be in short supply is the other main event, as Roman Reigns looks to remain head of the table as he takes on Kevin Owens in a Last Man Standing match.  The rules are simple, Brain: there are no rules!  No pinfall, no submission, countout, disqualification, anything!  The only way to win is by a 10-count KO.”

“And KO is the appropriate word, because the Head of the Table is going to make KO go to sleep.  That fat freak doesn’t stand a chance!”

“I’d say he proved on SmackDown he’ll be no pushover, Brain.  Don’t sell either man short there.  And if you want to get the weekend off right, here’s a special treat, courtesy of FITE TV and GCW on YouTube!  Friday Night, starting at 8PM. we will have 24 hours of wrestling meant to help raise funds for those people put on the shelf by the recent troubled times, Brain!”

“We’re giving the ham and eggers and handout?  Count me out!”

“You wouldn’t donate to your mother’s funeral!  I’m not surprised you won’t donate here!  But for the rest of you, here’s where you can go to help make a difference in the lives of some of your favorite athletes who right now are in need of a little pick-me-up.”

“Gonna take more than a please and thank you to win my viewership.  Tell me what they got on the table.”

“Lots of things, Brain; we’ll have appearances by Joey Janela, Lio Rush, Homicide, Cheeseburger, Colby Corino, Cousin Jake, the legendary Effy, Jordan Oliver, Ricky Morton, Chris Dickinson… just to name a few of the talents you’ll see throughout this 24-hour internet telethon!”

“Eh… still not enough for me.  It takes a lot to get my wallet open.”

“A crowbar couldn’t get your wallet open, Weasel!  Stick with us, folks, as we get ready for our feature bout, coming to you from our friends in Atlanta, Georgia!  It’s AEW and Impact squaring off in the women’s division as Kiera Hogan takes on Ivelisse!”

“Whatcha gonna do, Ivelisse?  Did I get that right?”

“Highly unlikely.”

(Bring the insanity.)