The SmarK Rant for World Championship Wrestling – 02.28.87

The SmarK Rant for World Championship Wrestling – 02.28.87

I had so much fun last week going back to these again.  So let’s hit it again!

Taped from Atlanta, GA

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & David Crockett

We get some footage of a Dusty v. Bubba cage match to open the show, with weirdly mismatched audio of the ring introductions playing while they wrestle.

The announcers clarify that the match took place last night in Pittsburgh, “the largest crowd ever to watch a professional wrestling match”, and was the finals of the Bunkhouse Stampede.  One guess who won.  I feel like this attendance claim from David Crockett is some bullshit and looking it up, yes, it is mostly bullshit, but they still did 17,000 people at the arena, so impressive nonetheless.

Nikita Koloff joins us to start and OF COURSE the first thing he has to do is put over Dusty Rhodes and his big win.  Literally the first sentence out of his mouth.  Anyway, tomorrow night at the Omni, the Superpowers face the Dark Superpowers.

Tully Blanchard & Lex Luger v. Ricky Sullivan & Chance McQuade

I enjoyed the second and third seasons of Chance McQuade while it was focused on him solving serial killings in California, but once he built the time machine and he went back to 1885 as the Sheriff of Tombstone, it went a bit off the rails.  The Horsemen beat on Chance for a bit as Lex works the arm, so he tags out to Ricky Sullivan and then Lex throws HIM around and forces a tag back to Chance again.  Chance appears to be unimpressed with this idea, rightly so as the Horsemen continue double-teaming him and working the arm.  Lex cranks on a hammerlock, and Tully gets a hammerlock slam and turns it into a cross armbreaker.  Back to Sullivan again and Tully immediately puts him down with a kneelift.  Luger with a back elbow and Tully drops a knee on the shoulder and then slaps the guy around on the mat, then hits a shockingly great dropkick that even this crowd pops for.  You earned that strut, Tully!  Lex comes in with a suplex as Tully asks JJ if he wants the match to end yet, and they hit the geek with a double-team kneedrop/backbreaker, and then Lex finishes with the HUMAN TORTURE RACK at 6:37.  They just MURDERED those bozos.  Tremendous and the crowd was cheering them for it afterwards.

Jim Crockett joins us as he disgustedly notes that they’ve been in negotiations with Mama Cornette’s lawyers, and they’ve had to back down and let Jim Cornette back on TV, as long as he pays all the fines and returns the US tag team titles.  Oh, and he wrestle Ron Garvin in a cage match.  That all seems a little vindicative on Crockett’s part.  Where was that fire when Vince was dismantling his business and he had to sell to Turner?

Rick Rude & Manny Fernandez join us, and Paul Jones will be VERY ANGRY if his team aren’t seeded #1 in the Crockett Cup tournament.  Rude’s tired of the Rock N Roll Express dogging them around the country, and Manny clarifies that there’s no shame in them surrendering, just ask Robert E. Lee.

Barry Windham v. Thunderfoot #2

Barry has the US tag team title back, so apparently Cornette has capitulated.  So, how exactly do we know it’s Thunderfoot #2 and not #1?  Did he have to specifically sign the contract “Thunderfoot #2” before he went out there?  The whole Thunderfoot deal is so weird because the gimmick actually started as a pushed midcard deal where he had a loaded boot and was managed by JJ Dillon.  And then it just kept falling down the card.  Anyway, he gets some offense, but Barry hits a gut wrench suplex and slugs him down before finishing with a lariat at 3:00.

Barry Windham & Ron Garvin join Tony at the desk and Barry thinks that it’s a bit soon for Ronnie to be returning with his burns, but Barry will still be there for him.  Ron promises to torture Cornette in the cage matches, and he thinks Mama Cornette should make funeral arrangements right now.

Brad Armstrong v. Keith Vincent

As usual, Brad works the arm to start and it’s so boring that even the crazed girls in the crowd chanting “Let’s go Brad, let’s go!” run out of steam and give up.  Brad drops knees on the arm as an unfortunate camera angle exposes the optical illusion, and Brad switches to a hammerlock before Vincent reverses out of it.  So Brad puts him down with a dropkick and finishes with the legsweep at 5:31.

Bob & Brad Armstrong are taking all the tag team matches they can get to tune up for the Cup, and Bob has words for Dick Murdoch, Marine to Marine.  Brad puts over the jobber he just beat, and Bob is proud of his son and would team up with him even if they weren’t related.

Rick Rude & Manny Fernandez v. Jack Jackson & Zane Smith

Rude press slams one of the geeks right onto the floor, and then finishes the other one with the DDT at :30.

Ric Flair joins us and he has to stop his promo because the crowd is chanting so loudly for him.  He relates how tough his life is, making millions of dollars a year and trying to walk down the street like a normal person while “four or five” women are hanging off each arm.  You know that when the marquee says “PROFESSIONAL WRESTLING, NATIONAL WRESTLING ALLIANCE, JIM CROCKETT PROMOTIONS, THE FOUR HORSEMEN” you’re getting the best.  Wait, how big is that hypothetical marquee?  And then he sows the seeds for the future, as he sings “She’ll be coming round the mountain” for Precious and promises that even though she SAYS she doesn’t want it, her body language says otherwise.  Oh, Ric.

Tim Horner v. Kent Glover

David is all “LOOK AT WHITE LIGHTNING!  WATCH HIM GO!” as Horner grabs a headlock and then works the arm.  And works the arm.  And works the arm.  Glover tries a slam, but Tim reverses out and cradles for the pin at 6:10.

And we get a bonus Tim Horner promo afterwards, who is ready for the Crockett Cup, despite not actually having a partner for it as of yet.

Misty Blue Simmes joins David for an interview, and she’s apparently the “US Women’s champion” and will be wrestling later.

Jimmy Garvin v. Thunderfoot #1

Thunderfoot #1, not to be confused with Thunderfoot #2 from earlier, attacks in the corner to start but gets backdropped.  He bails to the apron and Garvin slingshots him back in and works on the arm as we take a break.  Back with Garvin still holding the hammerlock in the same position, so I assume they just inserted a cut and weren’t actually taping a break in the studio.  Garvin goes for the mask and Thunderfoot wisely bails to avoid being exposed to the world, but Jimmy attacks him on the way back into the ring and goes to work on the arm.  Thunderfoot actually loads up the boot like in the old days, but he misses the kick and hits the turnbuckle, allowing Garvin to finish him with the brainbuster at 4:50.

Bobby Eaton v. Larry Stevens

Tony was actually trying to bring in Dusty for an interview, but suddenly has to throw to the ring for this match instead.  Eaton attacks the jobber and gets a suplex, then tosses him out for Bubba to throw back in again. Bobby goes up, literally has to push a light out of his way, and then hits a flying knee on the guy.  Bobby works a headlock as the announcers are wondering if Jim Cornette will reappear here, or more importantly why Bobby is doing a singles match.  Well Condrey is still around for another month after this so he’s not gone quite yet.  Bobby tosses the guy out and Bubba throws him back in again, and Bobby goes up again and hits the Alabama Jam this time before finishing with a backdrop suplex off the middle rope at 4:30.

Meanwhile, in Pittsburgh, they’ve got their tape problems fixed and we get the Dusty victory interview for his second straight Bunkhouse Stampede victory.  I should note that there were only three of them and Dusty won all three years.  Anyway, now his target is Dick Murdoch, who is YELLA.  YELLA LIKE THE YELLA ROSE OF TEXAS.  And also he’s an egg-sucking dog.

Ronnie and Jimmy Garvin join us and they’re ready to unite and destroy some people.  Jimmy isn’t worried about Flair, because we all know that Space Mountain is “the shortest ride in the park and you feel kinda sick after you get off it.”  Sick burn.

Ronnie Garvin v. Tommy Angel

Hands of Stone finishes at 0:25.

Jim Cornette finally joins us as threatened, decked out in a Hawaiian shirt and lei, which he donates to Tony because “it’s the only lei he’ll ever get”.  And somehow Big Bubba Rogers DOES NOT CRACK while this is happening in front of him.  Everything with Ronnie went according to plan, but they didn’t count on Jimmy having sympathy for his goofy brother.  Also, Precious has “made a lot of beds” and now she’ll have to lie in hers.  Also the cage matches with Ron Garvin are NOT going to happen.  And then Bobby Eaton steals the lei back from Tony to end it.

Big Bubba Rogers v. George South

Bubba beats on South in the corner while Cornette promises David that he wanted to bring him a gift from Hawaii, like a pineapple because it was the only thing that reminded him of David’s face, but he couldn’t get it through the airport.  Bubba gets a sideslam and tosses South while Cornette notes that going to a pig roast there reminded him of when he burned Ron Garvin in the same way, and then he makes sure to howl with laughter at this own joke.  Eaton tosses South back in with some soothing pats on the back, and then Bubba spikes him with the Bubba Slam for the pin at 2:28.

Tully Blanchard and Lex Luger join us, and JJ isn’t impressed with the big crowd in Pittsburgh.  Lex points out that he’s sending estrogen levels through the roof and people are shoving fives and twenties into his tights on the way to the ring.  Sounds like George Zahorian.

Ole & Arn Anderson v. Randy Mulkey & Alan Martin

Arn beats Mulkey down and chokes him out on the ropes, and it’s over to Martin, but Ole immediately crossfaces him on the ropes and chokes him out as well.  Arn drops knees and follows with the spinebuster, and Ole puts him in the standing armbar and adds the hammerlock slam.  Ole tortures the guy some more and picks him up at two, and Arn puts him away with the gourdbuster into Ole’s flying knee at 6:40.

Back at the desk, JJ continues putting over Ole Anderson, but Tully points out that they always considered him an outsider, and now Ole “should have been taking care of business instead of that snot nosed kid” and Ole DECKS him, and things are suddenly not OK with the Horsemen.

Misty Blue v. Linda Dallas

I have no idea where the “US Women’s title” came from.  Misty takes Dallas down to start, but Dallas chokes her out on the ropes and goes after the leg before getting a cradle for two.  Hopefully she got a big enough TV payoff to buy a bra.  Dallas gets an Octopus, here on TBS in 1987, but Misty escapes from that and slams her for two.  Airplane spin gets two.  Misty gets a snapmare and goes to a chinlock and then we just cut back to the desk because they can’t pay attention to the match given what just happened.  JJ Dillon tells them that NOTHING HAPPENED while we just ignore the finish in the ring, and they replay the Horsemen interview and Ole knocking out Tully.  So JJ thinks Ole just needs to come out and apologize.

Nikita Koloff v. Vern Deaton

Nikita beats on Deaton in the corner, then finishes with the Sickle at 0:45.

Back at the desk, JJ is still pacing around waiting for Ole to come out, but he’s confident that things will still be smoothed over.  Yes, sure, Ole has been stubborn and pig-headed, and even though he was off watching his kid wrestle instead of helping his team be World champions, he can still save the situation by coming out and apologizing.  Which still isn’t happening, so JJ desperately offers to buy more time to keep the show on the air as we’re done for the week.

Well this was quite the show!