PRIME TIME Thursday Thread: January 14, 2021

“Good evening, everyone, and welcome to the best thing going on Thursday Nights, it’s Prime Time.  I’m your host Gorilla Monsoon, alongside Bobby the Brain Heenan, and… Brain, what are you doing?”

“Just drafting articles of impeachment against Jack Tunney.  Seems to be the popular thing to do!”

“Oh yeah?  On what grounds?”

“How about the time he stole the belt from Andre the Giant?”

“Andre surrendered it!”

“That was a mistranslation!”

“You’re full of misinformation, Brain!  Folks, the wrestling world is looking forward to Saturday, as get to see Hard to Kill from Nashville, Tennessee!  In a big six-man main event, it’s Kenny Omega — an interloper — teaming with the Impact Tag Team Champions, Doc Gallows and Karl Anderson, to face Impact’s world champion Rich Swann and the Motor City Machine Guns!”

“So there’s three guns in one match?  Where are they holding it, the Capitol?”

“Don’t start!  In addition, Impact will crown new Women’s tag team champions as they revive the title from early in their history!”

“It’s been a tough tournament to get there, and you can’t go for a bye round in Rio de Janeiro like some people.  But you know, Monsoon, that’s not the one that worries me.  They’ve got two certified nuts in Eddie Edwards and Sami Callihan, and they’re giving them barbed wire!”

“Two guys they should be chasing with the white coats and the net who want to make that bad blood fly all over Nashville, Brain.  It’s a recipe for a war.”

“And on top of all this, we got some serious chaos in a six-man no-DQ match.  If this show is Hard to Kill, they’re gonna prove it.”

“Make sure to call your local cable or satellite provider to get in on all the action!  But for now, let’s go to our feature bout of the evening, and it contains someone we just talked about, Brain.”

“Jack Tunney?”

“It is not Jack Tunney!  Rich Swann, the current Impact champion, is in the ring from his earlier days, and he’s taking on NXT stalwart Timothy Thatcher!”

“Just you wait, Monsoon; Thatcher will tie him in more knots than a Boy Scout.”

“Let’s head out to Oakland for all the action!”

(Bring the insanity!)