The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling – 03.27.82
By gawd, tonight I can only review one show, and that’s the one featuring a true patriot and his privates. It’s only right. See what I did there?
Taped from Charlotte, NC
Your hosts are Bob Caudle & THE ELECTRIFYING Sandy Scott. Sandy announces that Slaughter is getting fined $500 for attacking Jake Roberts last week. If Twitter was around in 1982 I’m sure he’d get banned from it as well.
Ric Flair cuts a promo from another studio, talking about how Ole and Slaughter attacked him in New Orleans and busted him open. Wait, didn’t he say it was in Miami last week? Were they just going around the country and doing these angles for each big city? I’m starting to think this wrestling thing might not be on the up-and-up.
Sgt. Slaughter joins us and promises that he’ll keep doing stuff like he did last week OVER AND OVER and $500 is nothing to him because he drives around in limousines. I bet his privates are hanging out the window while he does it, too.
Jake “The Snake” Roberts & Blackjack Mulligan Jr. v. Carl Fergie & Mike Miller
Interestingly, this is the first time I can remember Caudle referencing Jake as “The Snake” on this show. Jake and Junior take turns working on Miller’s arm while Austin Idol continues his vlogging in the corner. I’m starting to wonder if this is actually gonna go anywhere because it’s been a month now with barely a mention of what the point is supposed to be. Miller slugs away on Junior on the ropes and grabs a headlock, and then Fergie comes in with a kneedrop, but Junior cradles him for two. Jake gets a tag and comes in with a backdrop and backbreaker for two on Fergie, but he misses a blind charge and Fergie gets two. Fergie goes to a chinlock, but the babyfaces make a comeback and Junior hits a flying forearm, followed by Jake finishing with a kneelift at 6:40. Interestingly, according to Cagematch this was his last TV appearance as “Blackjack Mulligan Jr.” because he left for Florida and changed his name to Barry Windham at that point. I kind of figured we were getting close to there. Anyway, after the match the babyfaces bitch about Austin Idol continuing to videotape them and promise retribution for it.
Meanwhile, Jimmy Valiant arrives at the airport on his flight, and immediately pulls out a cigar before even making it out of the building, because 1982. Also, he rides off with a motorcycle gang while wearing a crown instead of a helmet, also because 1982.
Jimmy Valiant v. Bill White
Jimmy gets some armdrags to put White on the floor and works on the arm back in the ring. Elbow and elbow finish at 1:15.
Ron Ritchie v. David Patterson
Now this is an interesting one because both guys are underneath workers who they’ve been protecting strongly for the past month, so I’m not sure who’s going over. They take it to the mat to start and Ritchie does a nice double-leg while Patterson holds a facelock, and they end up in the ropes for the break before reversing positions and doing the same thing again. Nice. Ritchie goes to an armbar while very clearly calling spots on camera, and Patterson breaks free with forearms and drops a knee for two. Patterson goes to a chinlock, but Ritchie fights out with a bodypress for two and goes back to the arm again. Patterson reverses out and drops another knee on him for two, and then goes to his chinlock again while managing to sneer the entire time. That’s impressive! Ritchie comes back with a sunset flip for two and then deadlifts him with a gutwrench suplex for two, and they exchange forearms and then exchange rollups for two. Ritchie with a jackknife for two. Patterson slugs away on him and takes him down with a facelock on the mat, but Ritchie hits him with an atomic drop for two. Neckbreaker gets two. Patterson gets his own gut wrench for two and goes to the chinlock on the mat, but Ritchie fights out and gets the abdominal stretch. Patterson escapes that with a hiptoss, but tries a slam and Ritchie falls on top for two. Ritchie makes a comeback and pounds him down with forearms for two, and time expires at 9:30 for the draw. Well I guess that answers how they were going to get out of it. This was a really, REALLY good TV match, by the way, like ***1/2 given it was a studio TV show in 1982.
Austin Idol wants to stress that he’s too hot to handle, Jackson. Ivan Koloff thinks that Jimmy Valiant should be put in an asylum for being crazy. Ole Anderson hates everyone as usual.
Jack Brisco v. Steve Sybert
Brisco takes him down with a pair of armdrags, but Roddy Piper joins us at the desk to watch fellow legend Jack Brisco. It’s like Muhammad Ali watching Joe Frazier beat up some bum! Sybert tries a headlock and Brisco fights him off and goes to work on the leg before finishing with the figure-four at 2:00.
Sgt. Slaughter’s Privates v. Mike George & Tony Anthony
Caudle puts over Slaughter’s privates for their viciousness and improvement as of late. I’ve definitely noticed that his privates are looking better in the past couple of weeks. They take turns beating on Anthony, but Mike George gets a tag and runs wild on them, smashing Slaughter’s privates together! Anthony drops a fist on Nelson for two, but Kernodle comes in with a nice dropkick, as Slaughter’s privates can really go up. Nelson with a chinlock and they finish with the flying clothesline combo at 5:20 and Slaughter’s Privates end up on top again. Slaughter and his privates try to keep beating on the jobbers, but Jack Brisco and Jake Roberts make the save. Jack Brisco has heard a lot about Slaughter’s privates and what they’ve been up to!
Wait, no bumper sticker updates this week? That’s CENSORSHIP.