The SmarK Rant for WCW Monday Nitro – 02.19.96
(Originally written sometime in 2015, but I’m getting confused about the dates because apparently I posted the 2/19 RAW show last week as the 2/12 show, when in fact there was no 2/12 show due to the dog show. So this week’s repost is an unopposed Nitro rant!)
Apparently I never did this one, as it was probably missing from the archives at the point when I was doing them, or I just fucked up. The former seems far more likely. So here you go, a special BONUS NITRO RANT!
Live from Salisbury, MD
Your hosts are Eric, Bobby and Mongo
Arn Anderson v. Hulk Hogan
So Hogan had put Arn over the week before in order to “prove” that he wasn’t a prima donna who wouldn’t do jobs, but he immediately had to have a rematch. Hogan attacks and chokes Arn out on the floor and back in for the clothesline. Eric notes that Hogan’s eye was injured by a serious of vicious attacks from heels. And the sad thing is that he means it LITERALLY. Hogan chokes away and bites Arn, because he’s such a great babyface. Hulk with the corner clothesline to a chorus of boos, and Mongo clarifies that last week Hogan got perpetrated on. Well, I mean, DUH. Hogan continues beating on AA unabated, giving him zero offense, and Arn bumps to the floor to show how unselfish and totally self-confident that Hulk was. Back in, Hulk won’t even go down for the DDT, shrugging him off and making the comeback without even taking the bump, then makes Arn lay there for a minute selling the awesome pain before putting him in a figure-four, at which point Randy Savage runs in to give Arn the DQ win at 7:00. This was Hogan at his most ridiculous and insufferable. Well, I mean, up to THAT point. DUD
Alex Wright v. Loch Ness
Wright tries to climb on his back with a sleeper and gets thrown around, then leaps into a bearhug before “escaping” and throwing kicks in the corner. Loch Ness is literally just standing there while Wright does all the movement, and he quickly drops an elbow to finish at 2:20. DUD
The Belfast Bruiser v. Brad Armstrong
Finlay works the arm and goes to a headlock for a bit, then beats on Brad and overpowers him. Brad gets a hiptoss for two and now it’s his turn to go with the headlock. Finlay takes him to the apron for some abuse, but Brad dumps him, so now Finlay goes for the knee out there. This match doesn’t appear to be going anywhere. Back in, Finlay with a half-crab and he works on the knee, but Brad comes back and they both tumble to the floor. Back in, Finlay with a backslide for two, but Brad comes back again with a backdrop suplex, before walking into a powerslam that gets the pin at 6:48. This was a whole lot of nothing. *1/2
WCW World title: Ric Flair v. Randy Savage
Savage is, as usual, very pissed off with Flair, and he attacks to start and pounds away in the corner. Flair puts him on the floor with an atomic drop and Savage bumps into the crowd, then stops to chase after Woman. That proves foolish, as Flair nails him from behind and then Woman rakes his eyes for good measure. Back in, Savage fights back, but runs into an elbow, at which point Flair also does a Flair Flop. Savage gets a figure-four, but Flair makes the ropes. So Savage tries a sleeper, and Flair escapes with a backdrop suplex, then puts Savage down with an elbow to cut off a comeback. Flair goes to work on the knee and gets the figure-four, but Savage powers out of it. Savage with the backslide for two and he slugs Flair down for two and makes the comeback. Flair Flip and Savage goes up with the flying axehandle, but Woman throws in the SIZE SEVEN OF DEATH. Savage intercepts it and gets two, but Arn Anderson runs in and DDTs him to give Flair the pin at 11:38. What a shit finish that was. ***1/4 The Horsemen and Sullivan work Savage over, but the BOOTY MAN debuts to make the save, and the announcers have no idea who this mysterious person could possibly be. I think that later on they realized that fans couldn’t be THAT stupid and acknowledged that Zodiac had been a spy in the Dungeon of Doom or something.
Well this show was certainly a steaming pile of Hogan.