The SmarK Rant for Mid-Atlantic Championship Wrestling – 03.20.82
Taped from Charlotte, NC
Your hosts are Bob Caudle & Roddy Piper
Sgt. Slaughter joins us to start, and he’s heard that people are upset with him and coming back to the territory to deal with him. Well, he was here before they left and he’ll be here once they’ve gone again. Well said, Sarge. Also, Ivan Koloff is tired of people telling him to go back to Russia, and he’s even more upset about Jimmy Valiant’s entrance cutting off his promo.
Jimmy Valiant v. Steve Sybert
Jimmy beats on his poor victim in the corner and rakes the back, then goes to a nerve pinch while yelling for Uncle Ivan to come take a shot at him. That doesn’t happen, so he puts Sybert away with the back elbow and elbowdrop at 1:30. After the break, Jimmy reinforces that he’s not scared of Ivan at the podium thanks to the power of BOOGIE WOOGIE.
Jake Roberts joins us for some words, and he thinks that eventually Slaughter is gonna stick his privates somewhere where they don’t belong and it’s going to cost him.
Sgt. Slaughter v. Ron Ritchie
Sarge takes Ritchie down with an armdrag and works on that, then blocks Ron from reversing to his own. Ron keeps throwing down with chops, however, and stands tall, but Slaughter puts him down with a DROPKICK and adds a slam. You can tell they’re wanting to protect Ritchie on these shows even though they don’t have any particular plan for him. Sarge keep cranking on the armbar and then gives him a NASTY overhand chop in the corner. He was just laying it in there. That’s because Ritchie is a good Canadian boy and we spend winters chopping each other to toughen up our chests and protect against the cold. Slaughter puts him in a facelock and just pounds the chest with forearms, but Ritchie fires back with more chops and Slaughter won’t go down. Sarge nails him with a back elbow and hits the Slaughter Cannon with some mustard on it, and finishes with the cobra clutch at 5:10. Oh man they were LAYING IT IN here. This was great and well worth watching.
Sgt. Slaughter joins us at the podium again and Bob wonders what if it that was Ric Flair in there? Sarge clarifies that he took it easy on the kid and next time he faces Flair, Ricky Steamboat won’t be there to save him from taking a beating with Sarge’s belt.
Ric Flair cuts a promo via satellite and he wants to be back in Mid-Atlantic and he wants Slaughter and Piper and Ole Anderson because apparently they all teamed up and broke his finger in Miami. Fired up babyface Flair is GREAT.
Terry Taylor v. Mike Miller
It’s like the Stan Lee secret identity dream match. Miller grabs a headlock and they criss-cross into a hiptoss and armbar from Taylor. He takes Miller down with a wristlock while Piper hypes up a barbeque that is being hosted at a park for mentally disabled children, although he of course phrases it in a way that would get the review de-monitized by Google. Meanwhile, Austin Idol shows up again to continue videotaping the show, and because he’s a true heel he’s redistributing and disseminating the results WITHOUT the permission of Major League Baseball! Miller slugs away on Taylor in the corner and gets a couple of cheapshots to take over, but Terry finishes him with an abdominal stretch into a rollup at 6:12.
And now, the part you’ve all been waiting for, THE BUMPER STICKER REPORT! Also there’s a show in Lansing Michigan coming up but if you don’t have a bumper sticker then WHAT ARE WE EVEN HERE FOR? Anyway, Piper cuts a ranting promo about Dusty Rhodes signing the contract and then running away in fear and hiding in the bathroom.
Sgt. Slaughter’s Privates v. Vinnie Valentino & Tony Anthony
Slaughter’s Privates are all over Valentino and smother him in the corner, but he flips off one of the privates and brings in Anthony. He’s unable to make contact with Slaughter’s privates and misses a dropkick, and both of Slaughter’s privates are on him again as a result. Kernodle gets a neckbreaker and dropkick for two, but Anthony fights back until Slaughter’s Privates work him over again and one of them squeezes Anthony around the neck. Valentino comes in and he’s really beating on Slaughter’s privates and giving it everything he’s got, but there’s too much of Slaughter’s privates to deal with and he gets taken down again. Anthony manages another tag but he gets slammed and clotheslined and Slaughter’s privates end up on top for the win at 7:03.
Jake Roberts is tired of all the talking and he’s ready to take care of business with Slaughter! And Sarge needs to ask himself “How much snake can he handle?” Well we certainly know he can handle his privates!
Jake Roberts v. David Patterson
Patterson goes for a headlock and gets taken down with a wristlock as Jake works the arm and controls on the mat. But then, wouldn’t you know, Slaughter’s privates are suddenly on display in the ring and it’s a DQ at 2:11. A beatdown commences and Ray Stevens thankfully makes the save before Slaughter’s privates do any permanent damage to Jake. To be fair here, Jake is 100% the one who poked that bear repeatedly during the show.
BUMPER STICKER MADNESS!
Did you know that they make a nice present for any member of the family? Or you can keep one for yourself. Ray Stevens stops by to comment on the upcoming house show in Lansing, but sadly has nothing to add about bumper stickers and how many he will be purchasing for himself and his family members.
Ole Anderson & Stan Hansen v. Kelly Kiniski & Mike Davis
Kelly gives it a go against Ole and quickly gets beaten down, so it’s over to Davis and Stan just viciously beats on him in the corner and slams him into an elbowdrop for one. Ole goes to a chinlock and cranks on the neck like the miserable bastard he is. He’s the 2020 of wrestlers! Stan finishes Davis with the lariat at 3:33. I really wish there was more stuff with them on the Network because I’d like to see them doing real tag team matches instead of these squashes all the time.
And we get some words from various heels to wrap things up.
I know not everyone loves this show like me, but it makes me happy and cheers me up, and January is always a dumpster fire for revenue anyway so it literally doesn’t matter what I publish until the end of month. I’m sure there will come a day when I find Slaughter’s Privates to be not funny, BUT THAT DAY ISN’T TODAY.