The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 06.26.93
Taped from Halifax, NS
Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler & Randy Savage
Mr. Hughes v. El Matador
Tito tries for the arm but gets slammed, and Hughes hits him with knees on the ropes. Tito manages to take him down with an armdrag, but Hughes beats him down again and follows with the big boot for two. Sadly, he misses a charge and crotches himself, and Tito fights back with forearms and a hiptoss for two. But then he goes up with a flying bodypress and Hughes rolls him over for the pin at 3:32. Well he beat Tito Santana with a reversed bodypress, he’s clearly ready for the Undertaker.
UPDATE! WITH GORILLA MONSOON! BROUGHT TO YOU BY WWF MAGAZINE!
The WWF tag team titles are all over the place right now, with the Steiners winning the belts in Columbus, then dropping them back in Rockford, and finally regaining them in St. Louis to end this wild and crazy ride. See, this means that if you go to a shitty WWF house show in 1993, the titles could be changing hands in YOUR town! In fact Gorilla says exactly that as they eschew the usual subtle carny aspects and just go right for transparently telling you their scams. It’s like Three Card Monte, where they show the guy on the inside finding the right card once to set up the marks for later.
Doink the Clown v. Scott Dane
Your out of context Vince McMahon soundbite for the week: “HE JUST SQUIRTED ON THAT KID AT RINGSIDE! No, not that one.” Doink beats the jobber down and follows with a powerslam before finishing quick with the Stump Puller at 1:00.
Yokozuna is ONE WEEK AWAY from the Stars and Stripes Challenge, when all athletes and wrestlers in America will try to slam him. I hope they check ID to make sure only Americans qualify.
The Headshrinkers v. Mike Davis & Buddy Lane
Poor Mike Davis gets called the wrong name by Vince, showing where his career was at by 1993. The Shrinkers throw him around and bring in Lane for a powerslam and double clothesline as Vince is already wondering about a battle between MOM and the Headshrinkers. They hadn’t even debuted yet! Let’s not get everyone worked up into a frenzy quite yet. Fatu’s flying splash finishes at 2:30 as Vince puts over the exciting tag team division at that point. Yeah so exciting that he had to pull Jacques Rougeau out of mothballs to find someone to push.
FACE TO FACE! With Scheme Gene!
Flexy Lexy is Gene’s guest this week, doing a rare promo.
Meanwhile, on that Monday night show, 1-2-3 Kid finally agrees to face Razor Ramon for $10,000, and they show the whole match here.
$10,000 Challenge: Razor Ramon v. The 1-2-3 Kid
Kid is understandably hesitant to get in there, but he dives in with a sunset flip for two. Leg lariat gets two. Razor hits him with the fallaway slam, however, and then puts him down with a clothesline and stomps away. Ramon chokeslams him and hooks the abdominal stretch and slaps him around on the mat. Running powerslam and he gets the backdrop superplex as Vince calls it over. Ramon tosses him for some reason and decides to go for the gusto, pulling up the mats for a Razor’s Edge on the concrete, but Kid backdrops out of it and goes up…then slips and lands facefirst on the concrete in a terrifying spot. Apparently he’s still alive, because they head in and Kid gets another moonsault press for two, then decides that discretion is the better part of valor and grabs the money before making a run for it. Double countout at 5:15 and Ramon is out $10,000. Razor’s even more pissed now. **1/2
Meanwhile, Tatanka accepts Yokozuna’s challenge because he’s NATIVE American, so that counts. Sounds like a technicality to me.
Bastion Booger v. Virgil
Yes, it’s the rematch we were all waiting for and didn’t know we needed! Virgil catches a kick and takes him down to start, but takes forever to decide what to do and finally just works the leg for a bit. Booger misses a charge in the corner but slugs Virgil down, and then goes up with a flying splash to finish at 1:59. Vince: “As far as I’m concerned, Bastion Booger is the quintessential endomorph!” Now there’s a t-shirt slogan.
Speaking of endomorphs, Men on a Mission spraypaint their logo over top of a WWF logo, which is pretty disrespectful of them. Damn rapping hooligans.
Bam Bam Bigelow joins us for a special interview with Boni Blackstone. Man she’s STILL around? Anyway, that last match makes me think he should team up with Bastion Booger. They can be BOOGALOW. Throw in the Lightning Kid and they’re ELECTRIC BOOGALOW. Anyway, Bam Bam has found love and deep feelings, and introduces us to Luna Vachon as his new manager, which abruptly ends that Sherri feud for good. That was actually a really good pairing.
Mr. Perfect v. Bert Centeno
Perfect works a headlock and puts him down with a dropkick to set up the necksnap, and NOW YOU’RE GONNA SEE A PERFECTPLEX at 1:35. Perfect had nothing going on at this point, although they finally mention at the end of the match that he’ll get an Intercontinental title shot sometime.
FACE TO FACE! With Scheme Gene!
Money Inc. bitches about losing the tag team titles to the Steiners, although Gene accuses them of lying about the details of the loss. They’re gonna go all the way to the offices of Jack Tunney and they’ll spend money on lawyers and yell about the loss until they get what they want. Sounds familiar.
Meanwhile, it’s time for the Summerslam Jam, featuring Hacksaw Duggan. Another fine piece of production by Simon Cowell, featuring samples of Duggan chanting for the USA and going “HOOOO” with no connection to Summerslam that I can tell. Also Duggan didn’t actually work Summerslam that year. I dunno, maybe it’s one of those deals where the lyrics don’t have to match what the song is about, a metaphorical whatchamallit.
Next week: Marty Jannetty! Lex Luger! The Steiners! Adam Bomb! And Bret Hart talks. But he’s not eligible to try and slam Yokozuna because of anti-Canadian bias.
I think next week is a new taping cycle, which is a good thing.