The SmarK Rant for WWE Survivor Series 2020 – 11.22.20

The SmarK Rant for WWE Survivor Series 2020 – 11.22.20

Live from the THUNDERDOME, which is apparently now both award winning and critically acclaimed.

Your hosts are Michael Cole, Corey Graves, and Samoa Joe.

AJ Styles, “Riddle”, Keith Lee, Braun Strowman and Sheamus v. Jey Uso, Kevin Owens, Otis, Seth Rollins and King Corbin

Once again, everyone has to wear the matching TV show shirts like complete geeks.  Uso trades some stuff with Styles to start and hits him with a samoan drop for one.  Over to Riddle, who thankfully has dropped the tortuously long first name, making it easier for everyone to remember him.  Riddle hits Otis with an enzuigiri, but he no-sells it and brings in Owens.  KO stomps on Riddle’s feet, so Riddle tags out to Sheamus and Rollins wants in for whatever reason and then just lets Sheamus give him a brogue kick for the pin at 6:06.  OK then.  Why not just lay down and get pinned?  So everyone regroups and Riddle beats on Corbin with kicks in the corner before letting Keith Lee have a shot at it.  So this brings Otis in and they do an extended lockup battle and trade shoulderblocks, which leads nowhere.  They trade suplex attempts and neither can do anything, so Strowman comes in and slugs Otis down.  KO comes in and throws chops on Styles, but he charges and hits boot in the corner.  KO with a backbreaker for two, and then he hits everyone on the RAW side with stunners so you know he’s getting pinned.  And indeed, AJ gives him the forearm and pins him at 12:19 to make it 5-3.  Corbin with End of Days on AJ for two.  Corbin runs wild and gets his shit in, but AJ hits him with a Pele Kick and Riddle finishes him with a moonsault at 13:05 to make it 5-2.  Riddle slugs it out with Uso, and Sheamus hits Jey with a high knee for two, but Otis comes in and runs wild so he gets his shine before losing.  Braun comes in and puts him down with a big boot, but misses the corner splash and gets slammed by Otis.  Otis gets the Caterpillar and goes up, but Braun powerslams him and pins him at 16:34 to leave Jey alone.  So he runs wild with superkicks on everyone and dives onto Team RAW, and then hits AJ with the flying splash in the ring, but AJ’s associate pulls him out to save.  Uso goes up again while Keith makes a blind tag, and Keith finishes him off with the Spirit Bomb at 18:57.  This match was boring and was just the usual “guy runs wild and then gets pinned right away” formula over and over.  **

Sole Survivors:  Everyone on Team RAW.

The New Day v. The Street Profits

Yes, for those who had “Survivor Series” in the pool of when Big E would be reunited with the other two, he’s there with them tonight.  Everyone does some wacky reversals to start because THEY’RE HAVE FUN, MAGGLE, but the Profits double-team Kofi and Dawkins gets a splash for two.  But then Dawkins gets tossed and double-teamed by Kofi and Xavier out there, before the New Day works on Ford in the ring.  Woods with a gutbuster for two and he goes to a chinlock while Kofi dropkicks a red solo cup to really frost his preservatives.  Kofi comes in and boots Ford in the ribs for two, and then goes to a bearhug on the mat, but Ford fights out and makes a hot tag to Dawkins.  Angelo runs wild with slams as this hopefully picks up, and a neckbreaker on Woods gets two.  Woods tries the Honor Roll, but Ford catches him with a suplex to block, for two.  The Profits takes turns with elbows on Woods in the corner and Ford gets a shiranui, which allows Dawins to get two and then do the SHOCKED NEAR FALL FACE.  New Day comes back with the Midnight Hour on Montez for two, and it’s Kofi’s turn to make the shocked face.  Kofi with three Boom Drops, but Dawkins breaks up the finisher and Ford gets a frog splash for two.  Kofi with the SOS for two and Woods gets a missile dropkick and a gutbuster for two.  Wood takes Ford to the top, but Dawkins makes a blind tag and they hit Woods with a Street Sweeper for the pin at 14:05.  This wasn’t bad as such, but felt really flat.  **1/2

Sami Zayn v. Bobby Lashley

Sami wisely hides in the ropes, but goes to yell at Shelton Benjamin and gets jumped by Lashley in the ring.  Bobby beats on him with elbows and throws him around the ring, but Sami manages to neck him and choke him out on the ropes.  Sami goes up with a forearm for one, but Lashley suplexes him and beats on him in the corner with shoulders.  Lashley with a delayed suplex, but Sami claims a vertigo attack and begs off.  Lashley slams him again and Sami bails to go yell at the Hurt Business, but Lashley beats on Sami on the floor.  Sami runs away and manages to run Lashley into the post, but they beat the count.  Sami tries to undo a turnbuckle but gets foiled by Shelton, and Lashley hits him with a chokeslam, so Sami runs away again as this match just keeps getting worse.  Back in, Lashley finishes this off with the full nelson at 7:47.  What an epic clash between the two secondary champions this was.  *

Meanwhile, Jey Uso makes excuses to Paul Heyman, but Roman Reigns doesn’t want to hear that and dismisses Jimmy.  And if Jey can’t make people respect them, then he doesn’t even have a place at the table.  This Roman character is so great.

Asuka v. Sasha Banks

Asuka takes her down with a headscissors to start and Sasha reverses to a headlock and then goes for an armbar before Asuka blocks.  Sasha with a backstabber for two, but Asuka puts her on the floor with the hip attack and talks some trash.  Back in, Asuka rolls her into an anklelock and then hits her with a knee strike for two.  Asuka beats on the arm and they slug it out with forearms, and Asuka gets a knee for two.  They fight to the apron and Asuka puts her on the floor with the hip attack, but Sasha gets back in the ring and hits her with a baseball slide.  Sasha tries to come off the railing, but lands in a codebreaker from Asuka and they both beat the count at 9 and both are down.  Sasha takes her down with the Bank Statement, but Asuka reverses out and sends Banks to the apron, then brings her in with a codebreaker for two.  They trade rollups for two and Asuka gets a backslide for two, but Banks gets another rollup for the pin at 13:11.  Pretty good, not as good as Summerslam.  ***

Meanwhile, new 24/7 champion The Gobbledy Gooker gets lured into a trap by a bird seed trail (or maybe it’s cocaine, whatever), and Tozawa pins him to win the title, before Truth lays out Tozawa and pins him to regain the title.

Nia Jax, Shayna Baszler, Peyton Royce, Lacey Evans and Lana v. Bayley, Bianca Belair, Ruby Riott, Liv Morgan and Natalya

Belair and Natalya double-team Peyton and Bianca gets a splash for two.  Shayna beats Riott down with kicks, but Ruby gets a rollup for two.  Nia comes in and everyone on the blue team goes after her, but she fights them off and Lana tags herself in.  She trades rollups with Nattie and a knee strike gets two.  Nia tags herself back in and her teammates tell her to go stand on the steps, which I guess is supposed to make her into the top babyface they want.  Bayley beats on Peyton in the corner and a suplex gets two. Belair gets a press slam, but Nia comes in and puts everyone on the floor, where Peyton superplexes Bayley onto the pile.  Back in, Peyton hits Bayley with a neckbreaker and pins her at 9:58.  Peyton rolls up Nattie for two and a spinkick gets two, and she rolls into a half-crab until Nattie makes the ropes.  Natalya tries a wacky submission move that goes completely wrong, so she just does the Sharpshooter instead and Peyton taps at 11:50.   Lacey comes in and misses a moonsault, but gets the punch and pins Nattie at 12:34.  Belair rolls up Lacey for two and gets the Glam Slam, then goes up and gets crotched by Lacey.  Lacey brings her down with a Spanish Fly for two, and it’s back to Nia.  The Riott Squad double-teams her in the corner, so Nia tags out to Baszler, who hits Ruby with a shining wizard for two.  Ruby goes up and gets caught in the choke, but rolls over into a pinning position.  But Shayna holds on and then pins Ruby at 17:00.  Liv hits Lacy with knees and stomps her down in the corner, and then finishes with a crucifix at 18:00.  Nia comes in and Morgan keeps coming with a DDT, but Nia doesn’t really sell it and hits her with a samoan drop for the pin at 19:00.  So that leaves Belair alone with Nia and Shayna (and Lana if you count her).  Belair uses her speed to keep Nia off-guard, but misses a splash and Nia slams her and drops the leg for two.  Nia goes up and Belair dropkicks her out.  Shayna tries the choke and Belair escapes with a suplex, but then gets fancy and Shayna goes back to it again.  Bianca makes the ropes, but Shayna won’t break, so she’s DQ’d at 22:40.  Nia hauls Bianca to the floor and they fight out there and both get counted out at 23:19, so that leaves…

Sole Survivor:  Lana

This was a completely average elimination match with a finish that was too cute for its own good, but it was mostly just dull overall rather than actively offensive.  **

Drew McIntyre v. Roman Reigns

They do the lockup battle to start and Roman takes him down with a headlock, but Drew reverses to his own and cranks on it.  Roman fights out of that, so Drew puts him down with a shoulderblock and Roman bails to the floor for some advice from Heyman.  That advice?  “Might be a good time to make sure your SAG membership is paid up.”  Back in, Roman slugs him into the corner and lays some fists on him, at which point Michael Cole actually NAMES THE REFEREE.  Oh man, someone’s getting yelled at in his headset!  They fight to the apron and Drew gets sent into the post and lands on the floor.  Roman sends him into the stairs, and back in for a suplex that gets two.  Drew fights back, but Roman puts him down with a clothesline for two.  Roman goes to a neck vice, but Drew comes back with his own clothesline out of the corner and follows with the belly to belly.  Neckbreaker and Drew makes the comeback, but Roman gets a samoan drop for two.  Roman sets up the superman punch, but walks into a spinebuster and that gets two.  They fight on the floor and Drew sends him into the stairs, but Roman slugs him down on the way into the ring.  Drew fires back with the Future Shock DDT for two, but Roman gets the superman punch and tries for the guillotine.  Drew escapes that with a suplex, but Roman runs him into the post and follows with a spear.  Drew rolls with it and turns that into a kimura into a nice spot, but Roman makes the ropes.  They head to the floor again off that and Drew charges, but Roman catches him with a samoan drop into the table, which fails to break.  So Roman does it a second time to finish it off and it put it out of its misery.  Drew is still moving, so Roman spears him through the railing, and back in that gets two.  Roman tries another spear, but Drew kicks him, and Roman recovers with another spear for two.  Drew won’t stay down, so Roman tries another spear, but Drew counters with the Claymore and the ref is bumped in the process.  This brings Jey out to run interference, and Roman hits him right into the bagpipe and locks in the guillotine for the submission at 24:50.  Better than the rumored Miz finish but they were having a hell of a hoss fight and it needed a better finish than that.  Still, really great main event, and finally a match with some actual heat and fire behind it, unlike everything else on the show thus far.  ****1/4

The Undertaker’s Final Farewell: 

So we get Shane McMahon, Big Show, JBL, Jeff Hardy, Mick Foley (or is it Uncle Zeb?), Godfather, The Godwinns (complete with name drop of the Bone Street Krew from Michael), Savio Vega, Rikishi, Kevin Nash, Booker T, Shawn Michaels, Ric Flair, HHH and Mayor Kane.  Complete with full entrances for everyone, and then a video package for Undertaker, because god knows we haven’t seen enough of THOSE for him.  And then everyone is gone from the ring again and Vince introduces Undertaker, who does his full entrance, poses in the ring while the camera cuts a million times and we get fake chants from the fake crowd, and that’s the show.  Well that was a complete waste of time, to be honest.

A decidedly OK show at best, with the main event saving it from complete thumbs down territory, but I still can’t recommend it.  There were no stakes and the Undertaker thing was just more of the same stuff they’ve been peddling on the Network with the documentaries and podcast appearances all year.  It wasn’t bad, but it was definitely boring and will be forgotten within a week.