Monday Night Raw
Date: June 19, 2006
Location: Blue Cross Arena, Rochester, New York
Commentators: Jim Ross, Jerry Lawler
It’s the go home show for Vengeance but at the same time, it is still a show about building up ECW, which only debuted last week. I’m not sure how well that is going to go, but ECW is angry at Raw for invading their debut. An angry ECW could reach the level of moderately annoying so Raw might be slightly irritated. Let’s get to it.
Vince McMahon is in his office to open things up and says that there will be no DX reunion because tonight is the DX destruction. As he goes to leave, a delivery man brings him a chicken, because word on the street is he locks cocks. Vince tells him to go choke his chicken because he isn’t in the mood tonight. Now Vince leaves his office, runs into an alien who mimics his walk, and stares him down to make the alien leave.
Then he runs into some male strippers, including (I believe, as he is slimmer here) Big Dick Johnson for some oily dancing. With that out of the way, Vince runs into Dusty Rhodes, who plugs his DVD. Maybe the strippers want to buy one! Dusty goes off to see if they have any change and a deliveryman comes up to ask Vince to sign for a package. It’s a penis enlarger pump (the Pistol Pump), but Vince storms off, swearing to destroy DX. So what would have happened if Vince had gone the other way when he came out of his office? Or just not left?
Anyway, Vince comes out to the ring and promises to put his shoe in a certain part of HHH and use the same shoe to kick Shawn Michaels in the head. Cue Shane McMahon, who says Vince needs to leave because Stephanie McMahon is in labor. That’s enough to get Vince to leave, though he doesn’t seem happy. We follow them to the back, where Vince puts Coach in charge. Vince: “My daughter Stephanie has always had the worst timing of anyone I know. Now she’s in labor. THAT B****!” Vince and Shane leave in the limo as Lawler cracks up a bit.
Torrie Wilson had a swimsuit photo shoot for WWE Magazine. JR: “I’m subscribing.”
Torrie Wilson/Maria vs. Mickie James/Candice Michelle
Bra and panties match. Candice slams Torrie down by the head to start but a sunset flip lets Torrie rip her shirt off. Mickie comes in and takes off Torrie’s pants before doing the same to Maria. The tops come off as well to give Mickie the win almost by herself.
Post match Mickie decks Candice and rips off her shorts as well. Mickie throws in her own version of the Go Daddy dance. Then she goes too far by stealing JR’s hat (JR: “That’s going on eBay.” Mickie even rips the shirt off of a fan for a bonus.
Charlie Haas vs. Viscera
Before the match, Viscera gives Haas one more chance to apologize for hurting Lilian Garcia. For some reason Haas thinks it’s a good idea to say that he and Lilian went to dinner for the apology last week, which she accepted over some pillow talk. Lilian doesn’t seem to agree and neither does Viscera as he knocks Haas outside with one shot. Back in and Viscera wants details on the pillow talk (JR: “I don’t think you want to know that Charlie.”). There’s the corner splash….and here’s the Spirit Squad to jump both of them for the surprise no contest.
Post match the beatdown is on, with the Squad managing an Upsa Daisy on Viscera. The Squad says they know DX is back, but they want to get them out here right now for the fight. DX pops up on screen with Shawn Michaels freaking out about being down five to two (Shawn: “THEY’RE GONNA MURDERIZE US!”) but HHH says they’re just cheerleaders. DX will be out there tonight, but it’s on their terms. For now, HHH has two words for them: look up. Slime falls down onto the Squad, meaning a lot of slipping and laughter ensues. Shawn paints DX on the camera lens because he doesn’t value company property.
Post break, the Squad tells Coach to take care of DX. Vince’s plan will still be enacted so they can go clean up. Coach goes into Vince’s office and finds Paul Heyman waiting for him. Heyman says tonight could go worse because ECW is in a bus in the parking lot ready to tear Raw apart.
Heyman is here with an offer though: since ECW on Sci Fi was the highest rated show on cable last Tuesday, he wants to share the love with Raw. So tomorrow night, how about a dream tag match? How about Edge/Randy Orton vs. Kurt Angle/Rob Van Dam? Coach makes the match but Heyman isn’t done. For tonight, how about John Cena vs. Balls Mahoney? That’s on too.
With the slime being cleaned up, we go to Kane, who knows who the Costumed Kane is. He has known this guy since he was a kid and the guy is even more screwed up than he is. Kane won’t say what he did but he seems worried. This is going to be stupid isn’t it?
Umaga vs. John McChesney
Umaga kicks him into the corner before Armando Alejandro Estrada gets out of the ring. There’s the Tree of Woe headbutt into the running Umaga attack and the Samoan Spike finishes in about a minute. JR barely had time to announce Eugene vs. Umaga at Vengeance.
Post match Umaga sends him outside and Estrada grabs the mic but the fans say his name with him, making Estrada give up.
John Cena vs. Balls Mahoney
Paul Heyman is here with Mahoney, who has his chair with him. They go right for the slugout to start and Cena hits his release fisherman’s suplex for two. The fans are all over Cena as he hammers away in the corner, until Mahoney gets in a poke to the eye. Mahoney hits the snap jabs (without the chants) and a kick to the face gets two. Cena fights back with shoulders into the finishing sequence but Heyman slips in the chair. That doesn’t seem to matter as Cena ducks the shot and pulls Mahoney into the STFU for the tap.
Post match here’s Sabu for a lot of swearing and a beatdown on Cena, including a top rope legdrop through the announcers’ table. JR: “GOD D*** IT GET THAT TRASH OUT OF HERE!” Cena is busted open as the ECW guys leave. He stands up and has that look in his eye, so of course you know this means war.
Post break, JR is REALLY mad about Cena being attacked. Or maybe it’s the table being broken.
Randy Orton vs. Snitsky
I had forgotten Snitsky was still employed. Orton pokes him in the eye to start and adds the backbreaker. A knee drop gets two and we’re already in the chinlock. The fans seem to approve of Orton, even as Snitsky starts his comeback. There’s a side slam to plant Orton and a running shoulder drops him again. The pumphandle slam is countered though and it’s the RKO for the fast pin.
Post match Lawler talks to Orton, who is ready to take care of Kurt Angle at Vengeance. On Sunday, Vengeance will be his.
Here’s Carlito, who thinks what happened to the Spirit Squad was funny. Coach didn’t like it though and that means Carlito has a handicap match. That’s not cool, but Carlito winning the Intercontinental Title on Sunday sure would be.
Johnny Nitro/Shelton Benjamin vs. Carlito
Non-title and Melina is here with Nitro and Benjamin. Lawler rather likes Melina’s entrance, prompting JR to demand that he hand over the Cialis. Nitro starts with the team and hits an early shoulder block, making Melina squeal. Carlito ducks a right hand and hits a dropkick as Lawler wonders if Carlito’s hair slows him down.
Shelton comes in and gets caught with a belly to back suplex before losing a slugout. A knee lift into a clothesline gives Carlito two but Shelton kicks him down. Nitro makes a blind tag and gets in a fight with Benjamin. Carlito grabs a rollup but Nitro reverses and grabs the trunks for the pin. Another short match but it did make you think Nitro could steal a win in a triple threat.
Post match Carlito gives Shelton a Backstabber for his own building moment.
Coach goes into Vince’s office and finds a lot of DX graffiti, including on the Muscle and Fitness cover. DX comes in and points out the fact that the pictures have been replaced by some more anti-Vince shots. They’re going to sit back and watch the rest of the show with Coach. Lawler: “Let’s watch it too.” JR: “We are.”
Eugene didn’t recognize Maria with her clothes on but he’s ready to get revenge on Umaga for taking out Jim Duggan and Kamala. Rob Conway comes in to laugh at Eugene and gets destroyed for his efforts.
DX annoys Coach some more so he tells them not to do anything else tonight. Messing with him is like messing with Vince….so they throw him through the wall, take his pants down (Shawn: “What kind of a man wears a thong?”) and spray paint DX on….yeah you get the idea.
The Highlanders are still coming but have to break down the door to their hotel room. They do like the TV though, because it has adult titles. Rory: “We’re adults and we want the World Tag Team Titles!” They see something on TV and declare their love for America.
Edge vs. Ric Flair
Lita is here with Edge and Mick Foley is on commentary, promising to have a horrible match at Vengeance. Foley: “I can steal any pay per view show anytime I want. I’m just not going to do it at Vengeance.” Edge knocks Flair down to start but gets chopped out of the air and sent outside. Edge brings in a chair but neither that nor Lita’s distraction works. Instead, Foley grabs the Mandible Claw on Flair, allowing Edge to hit the spear for the win.
Post match here’s Rob Van Dam to take Edge and Foley out before bailing through the crowd.
The Spirit Squad rallies the locker room to destroy DX. I’d be scared of Matt Striker too.
Here’s DX for their official reunion, which does feel like a big deal after a long time away. HHH thinks he knows the answer but are you ready? They get in their catchphrases but Shawn is guilt ridden. Vince and Shane are on their way back to Connecticut….where Stephanie is in labor. HHH: “LIAR!” Apparently Stephanie is fine, but what idiot got her pregnant? HHH isn’t sure but the guy must be hung like a…..Shawn: “I think it’s time to veer into a cheap pay per view plug!”
We hear the details on Vengeance (Shawn: “You can call your local cable provider and order it, only on pay per view.”) before Shawn calls out the Spirit Squad. Cue the Spirit Squad, or at least the mini versions of them. They’re shoved down and HHH even hits a mini superkick before saying this is Shawn’s handiwork. HHH: “It came up just a little short.”
HHH has been thinking of cheerleaders as well so Shawn puts on a blindfold. Four cheerleaders come out to talk about how Vince is scared of DX and then reveal DX bras. HHH suggests they’re removed as well but here is the Spirit Squad, flanked by the locker room. Only Johnny and Nicky get in though as everyone else leaves, meaning the big beatdown is on. The mini Spirit Squad gets in and drops their pants, revealing SUCK IT painted in certain areas. Posing wraps it up.
Overall Rating: D+. Aside from some special shows, I don’t ever remember a two hour Raw where there was nothing to rate. The longest match was the handicap match at a whopping 2:50. Now that being said, you don’t have to have a bunch of long matches to make a good show, but this wasn’t a good show in the first place. Not only was everything jammed in, but nothing was really all that high quality anyway.
The problem here is they’re trying to do WAY too much at once and as a result, nothing is really working. This show tried to focus on ECW (which is doing a bunch of individual things), DX’s reunion, DX messing with Vince/Coach and the regular Vengeance build. That’s a very busy two hours and the show didn’t exactly work because nothing had the time to work.
Vengeance is feeling very rushed (because it is very rushed) and as a result, nothing is really registering. Edge vs. Van Dam is feeling like a match that has to be there rather than being there because it should be, Cena vs. Sabu could be moderately interesting and is anyone buying the Spirit Squad against a reunited DX? Foley trying to have a bad match against Flair sounds good, but the rest of the show is being built so fast that nothing is having an impact. Maybe the pay per view will work, but this was one of the most packed go home shows I can ever remember.
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