The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 05.29.93
Taped from Worcester, MA
Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler & Randy Savage
Tatanka v. Ricky Rich
Tatanka throws chops in the corner while the King disrespects America by saying he’s going to open up his backyard pool on Memorial Day. Savage, always standing up for his country, replies that Lawler should go swimming in a CESSPOOL. And you thought the Biden-Trump campaigns were volatile. Tatanka slams him and follows with a powerslam while Vince corrects Lawler’s usage of “Indian” and wants him to say “Native American” instead. Yes, VINCE MCMAHON is offended by improper racial representation. Samoan drop finishes at 2:48.
UPDATE! WITH GORILLA MONSOON! BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE MERCHANDISE CATALOG!
The feature product this time is a “Mega-Maniacs Megaphone”, which looks like a piece of plastic rolled into a cone and probably sold for $20. But this week, let us take you back to Monday Night RAW, as Marty Jannetty crawls out from whatever gutter he was sleeping in and challenges Shawn to a title match, and we actually get footage this time. And then on Superstars, he faced Crush to qualify for the King of the Ring and failed to win. Gorilla puts forth a conspiracy theory that Shawn deliberately caused the double countout to keep Crush out of the tournament, so corrupt old Tunney has ordered them to have a rematch at King of the Ring. That is some pretty specious reasoning.
Doink the Clown v. Devin Armstrong
Doink takes the guy down and works for the ankle, but Armstrong fights him off and tries a bodypress. Doink catches him and slams him and then finishes with the dreaded STUMP PULLER submission at 1:30. Afterwards, Doink clotheslines the guy on the floor while leaving, and he takes a backwards bump onto the stairs that looked PAINFUL.
Boni Blackstone has our special interview this week, with Sensational Sherri. Apparently Sherri is going to beat on Luna until she declares that Sherri truly is sensational. This was weird as she was just kind of yelling and screaming her promo and they abruptly cut away to the next segment.
Yokozuna v. Tony Ray
Isn’t it supposed to be “Tony Roy”? Also he’s wearing makeup for some reason, which even the announcers call out. He charges Yoko and gets flattened, and Yoko hits him with a belly to belly and drops the Hulkbuster legdrop on him. Banzai Drop finishes at 2:10.
FACE TO FACE! WITH SCHEME GENE!
Mr. Perfect joins us, and he’s concerned about Mr. Hughes in the first round of the King of the Ring tournament. “He moves like a cat” notes Gene. I SEE WHAT YOU DID THERE, GENE!
Meanwhile, back on RAW, this Kid fella beats Razor Ramon in a legendary upset, so the next week Razor offers $2500 if he can do it again. But the Kid sends in a taped promo declining the offer because it’s just not worth the danger.
The Steiner Brothers v. Mike Bell & Tony DeVito
The Steiners should be offering the various jobbers an extra $2500 to put up with their bullshit squashes. Lawler does get a really funny line, noting that the Steiners went to reform school on a scholarship. DeVito pounds on Scott in the corner, but Scott hits him with a tilt-a-whirl slam and it’s over to Bell. Tony DeVito of course lost his hair a few years later and became one of Da Baldies in ECW. But first he takes the double-underhook powerbomb from Scott and the elevated bulldog to finish at 3:00.
KING OF THE RING REPORT! WITH SCHEME GENE!
The brackets for the King of the Ring are finally complete now that Perfect has bested Doink. Also the quest to manage Mr. Hughes has suddenly been dropped and he’s just got Harvey Wippleman as his manager. Also Hulk Hogan actually does a promo that’s not sent in from a beach this week, two months after winning the title. He rambles about some bullshit about Jack Tunney denying him a title shot all this time, but now he’s got one. OK?
Mr. Perfect v. Rich Myers
Perfect works a headlock and puts Myers down with a dropkick, then beats on Myers with chops in the corner and biels him out by the hair. More chops and a necksnap and NOW YOU’RE GONNA SEE A PERFECTPLEX at 2:00.
FACE TO FACE! WITH SCHEME GENE!
Money Inc. are the guests for this, as we don’t actually get any face-to-face segments this week. Also Mr. Fuji doesn’t actually think that Hogan’s biceps are big enough to slam Yokozuna. Well certainly not in 1993.
Next week: Papa Shango v. Bret Hart! Lex Luger! The Smoking Gunns! Mr. Hughes! And Razor Ramon ups his offer to the Kid, flashing $5000 in exchange for one more shot.