The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 10.21.20
Taped from Jacksonville, FL
Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Excalibur & Jim Ross
TONIGHT: We determine once again if TOURNAMENTS ARE AWESOME.
Full Gear Eliminator round one: Wardlow v. Jungle Boy
Wardlow is the overpowering bully to start, but JB slaps him around and bounces off him with attempts to take him down. Then he gets smart and goes after the knee instead and dodges him to the floor. They fight out there and Jungle Boy tries an ill-advised rana, but Wardlow powerbombs him into the ringpost, and back in for two. Wardlow throws him around with suplexes and stomps him down in the corner, then follows with a gut wrench powerbomb for two. JB fights back with a sunset flip, but Wardlow powers him up and lays him out with a lariat for two. Wardlow puts him on top for a chokeslam attempt, but Jungle Boy escapes and fights back with a missile dropkick to the back. Wardlow bails to regroup, so JB hits him with a series of dives to send him into the railing, and back in for a tornado DDT that gets two. He goes up, but Wardlow cuts him off, so Jungle Boy takes him down with a rana from the top and goes up with a top rope kneedrop for two. Wardlow bails to the ramp this time and JB follows him out, so Wardlow catches him and throws him back in with the F10. Another one of those finishes it off at 8:23. Fun David v. Goliath match here. ***1/4
Last week: Eddie Kingston cuts a promo on the unconscious Moxley after the show, cursing him for selling out to the entertainers while he killed himself for pro wrestling, so at Full Gear it’s an I Quit match between them for the title.
Meanwhile, Jon Moxley talks about his personal history with Eddie Kingston. He’s not ashamed of making money and buying a house for his mother, and Eddie didn’t tap in their last match because he was too busy going unconscious. So now he’s gonna beat him into submission, until he says “I Quit”. The buildup is tremendous, but I just wish they’d make Kingston a stronger challenger.
Full Gear Eliminator round one: Kenny Omega v. Sonny Kiss
The completely overblown introduction from Justin Roberts is a work of demented genius, starting at “He broke Meltzer’s five star scale 7 times” and up to and including “He is so fluent in Japanese that he sometimes translates for Michael Nakazawa”. His personal dancing girls with brooms would seem to indicate that he’s the Cleaner again. Joey Janela was supposed to be here as the opponent, but pulled out due to Covid contact. Which they actually tell us straight up. V-Trigger and One Winged Angel finishes at 0:25. So that’s what you call a message that Kenny’s not a tag team wrestler anymore.
Meanwhile, Tony chats with Orange Cassidy, who has already forgotten what city they’re in next week, despite being there for the past six months.
Meanwhile, Dasha finds Cody in the parking lot, and he doesn’t see OC getting the job done next week either. Also he’s gained 14 pounds of muscle, but today he’s just the Executive VP watching matches like a regular fella.
Meanwhile, Eddie Kingston offers his rebuttal to Moxley’s comments, as he kind of hates being a cheating snake, but before he went down that road he never won anything, so now he lives in the dark place.
Full Gear Eliminator round one: Penta El Zero M v. Rey Fenix
The brothers offer a handshake to start and they reverse each other before Penta gets an anklelock. Fenix flips out of that but nearly takes the package piledriver before escaping. They trade rollups for two and we get more reversals for the stalemate. Next up, the chop battle, and I’ve gotta give Penta the win there. Fenix bails to the apron and tries to come in from the top, but Penta superkicks him on the way down for two. They head to the apron and Penta wants a piledriver out there, but Fenix sends him to the floor and hits him with a crazy spinning plancha. But then he goes up again and Penta yanks down the rope and Fenix crashes as we take a break. Back with the brothers slugging it out, but Penta hits a sling blade for two. They fight to the top and Fenix brings him down with a headscissors, but he seemingly knocks himself silly while doing the move and Penta does a DDT of sorts for two. But then Fenix escapes a powerbomb and superkicks Penta for two so he can’t be that bad. Fenix goes up but he’s having trouble climbing the ropes, and they slug it out on top and Fenix brings him down with a Spanish Fly for two. Penta tells Fenix to come at him, so Fenix charges and Penta alley-oops him into a powerbomb for two. This sets up the arm snap, even to his own brother! But Fenix is in pain and Penta shows mercy, which is very unlike him, but Fenix suckers him in and hits a Canadian Destroyer for the pin at 14:21. Even seemingly concussed, Fenix is still one of the most incredible workers in the world. ****1/4
Meanwhile, the Dark Order are on a mission from the Exalted One, even though Silver and Reynolds deny being Colt Cabana’s friends.
Full Gear Eliminator round one: Colt Cabana v. Hangman Page
Your Hangman fact of the week: He “entered the tournament through a series of drunken voicemails”. Sounds about right. They fight for a wristlock and Page takes him down, but Colt fakes him into his own takedown and he’s having fun. Page comes back with chops and a corner clothesline, and the big boot and shooting star press gets two. Page clotheslines him to the floor and follows with a pescado, and back in for two. We take a break and return with Colt coming back with a headscissors and he slugs Page down with a Flip Flop and Fly, and they trade rollups for two. Page catches him on a charge in the corner and hits a german suplex for two, but Colt bails to the floor. Page goes up for a dive, but Colt shoves him off the top and Page SPLATS on the apron backfirst, and Colt follows with a splash on the floor. EEYOW. Back in, Page catches Colt with a pop up powerbomb for two, but he sets up the buckshot and Colt slams him on the apron again. Colt brings him to the top to finish, but Page escapes that, so Colt hits the superman pin for two. And then Page hits the buckshot lariat to finish at 10:23 to finish things off. ***
Meanwhile, Sammy Guevara is still obsessed with Matt Hardy.
Team Taz joins us, and Taz has words for Will Hobbs that somehow triggers my Google Nest speaker and makes it try to switch my TV to Spotify. Regardless, Taz is sick of his guys getting screwed by the office while guys like Darby Allin get all the breaks, and Ricky Starks is NOT OK with that.
LE DINNER DEBONAIR with MJF and Chris Jericho. They immediately get into a battle of their order of the Porterhouse Steak, 20 ounces, with a baked potato on the side, fighting to see who can order it more rare. Anyone who orders a steak done more than medium rare is a MONSTER. Scientific fact. But then they bond over their hatred of Orange Cassidy and break into a spontaneous duet and musical number because Chris Jericho finds new ways to remain awesomely creative. Could anyone else pull off a literal song and dance on a wrestling show? I feel like this gonna blow up the internet.
Dr. Britt Baker DMD v. Kilynn King
Britt gets wrist control and takes King down for the submission attempt, then curb stomps her and rolls her up for two. King fights back out of the corner, but Britt sends her into the turnbuckles with a flatliner and sends her to the floor. Rebel throws her back in, but King fights back with high kicks until Britt hits her with a sling blade and DDT. Neckbreaker sets up the LOCKJAW to finish at 4:05. Fun little squash from Britt. **
Next week: Abadon returns against Tay Conti! Cody v. Orange Cassidy for the TNT title in a lumberjack match! Kenny Omega v. Fenix! Hangman v. Wardlow! And a town hall meeting with the Inner Circle!
The Young Bucks v. The Butcher & The Blade v. Private Party v. Dark Order 3 & 4
So the Bunny is now back with the Blade again, although they started to explain what happened during the entrances and then cut to commercial, so I’m left a tad mystified. But I guess she’s a heel again now? The Bucks double-team Silver in their corner and then hit Butcher with double dropkicks as well. Kassidy comes in and we get a double kip-up with Nick, but then Private Party gets their own superkicks on the Bucks. Everyone comes in for a brawl and then it settles down again as Queen runs wild and chases the heel teams to the floor. He hits them with dives in succession. Back in, Quenn goes up and hits Blade with the shooting star for two. We take a break and return with Silver running wild on the outside, apparently all jacked up on Diet Mountain Dew. Fun fact: For many years in Canada, Mountain Dew was banned from having caffeine in it due to a bizarre government food regulation that only allowed “darkly colored” soft drinks (ie, cola and Dr. Pepper) to have caffeine in them. So Mountain Dew’s original formulation was rebranded into Amp Energy and sold as an energy drink up here, until finally the original Dew was allowed to have caffeine again when the idiotic law was overturned. And now you can buy both drinks, although Amp is literally sold in dollar stores despite being pretty tasty in my opinion. Anyway, this allows the Dark Order to hit a sweet double-team powerbomb into a rollup on Quenn for two. They try a double suplex on Quenn, but Private Party hits Reynolds with the Silly String and they go up with a stereo splash for two. Butcher and Blade drag Reynolds to their corner and tag themselves in for a double-team on Kassidy for two, but the Bucks save. The Bucks double-team Blade to the floor to get rid of him and Nick runs wild on the Dark Order by himself, then hits Private Party with kicks from the apron and dives onto B&B with a somersault. Back in, superkick party for the Butcher and they do a piledriver on Cassidy into a senton on Butcher, and that gets two. But then Cassidy snaps off a cradle on Matt for two. He goes for the tag, but Quenn gets taken out by Nick, along with all the other possibilities to tag. So that leaves Kassidy alone for a Meltzer Driver, but Quenn breaks it up and Kassidy cradles Matt for two. But then Matt reverses the cradle and gets the pin and #1 contendership at 13:34. Nice callback to the original tag team tournament match that they reference all the time there. A fun trainwreck tag match, but nothing earth-shattering. ***1/2 And then FTR leaves commentary and lays out the Bucks, with help from masked timekeeper Tully Blanchard, and they deliver a spike piledriver and then Pillmanize Matt for good measure.
I mean, come on, they had me with the musical number at the steak dinner and Kenny Omega’s 2 minute ring introduction. Everything else was just extra ice cream in a delicious Diet Mountain Dew float this week.