The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 05.08.93
We’ve been watching Very Scary People on HLN for the past couple of weeks, and the John Wayne Gacy episodes popped up on the DVR last night. That one certainly makes Matt Borne even more creepy as Doink.
Taped from Tucson, AZ
Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Jerry Lawler & Randy Savage
Money Inc & Mr. Hughes v. The Nasty Boys & Kamala
Well this is quite the combination. Although the heel side is certainly well dressed, you have to give them that. We get the stall from the heel side to start, as Dibiase tries to bribe Kamala, but he gives it to Slick and goes to work chopping Dibiase. I should note that Slick pockets the cash, although Vince is like “You know very well that it’ll end up in the collection plate!” Sure, because if you can’t trust an evangelist with money, who can you trust? That might have been a fun subplot but the Slick-Kamala team was not long for the promotion anyway. The Nasties double-team Dibiase and we take a break, and return with Kamala coming in for a triple team on IRS. But he misses the charge, being a stupid savage and all, and Mr. Hughes comes in for a slugfest. Kamala wins that and the Nasties come in for more double-teaming, but Hughes turns the tide with a cheapshot on Knobs and Money Inc. gets some heat on Knobs, before he quickly makes a hot tag to Sags. Piledriver on IRS gets two and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA. Kamala gets the splash on IRS but as usual can’t figure out how to pin him, and IRS cradles him for the pin at 9:48. This was really rushed but an OK match. ** Kamala did a TV job to Hughes in a KOTR qualifier soon after this and then lost to Shawn Michaels on RAW and then he was gone for good and surprisingly never returned. This also marks the end of the Nasty Boys in the WWF, as they were gone for WCW a month before this aired and were just finishing up with house shows and such on the way out.
FACE TO FACE! With Mean Gene!
So the Event Center is now gone, replaced with two guys on a split screen cutting promos on each other. In this case, Shawn Michaels and Mr. Perfect. This was pretty lame, and not in the fun way that the Event Center cheesy promos with the cheesy backdrops were lame. Just plain old lame.
THE SMOKING GUNNS are coming to the WWF! Hopefully not to shoot people.
Yokozuna v. Sean Dakota
Yoko slowly smacks the jobber around and hits the running corner splash and then finishes with the butt drop at 2:45. This was pretty lethargic.
PROMOTIONAL CONSIDERATION PAID FOR BY THE FOLLOWING! ICOPRO and Slim Jims, of course.
KING OF THE RING REPORT! WITH SCHEME GENE!
Speaking of lethargic, there’s WAY too much Mean Gene on these shows now and he’s completely phoning it in. I’m glad he went to WCW by fall. Anyway, we get words from Yokozuna, and apparently we have more King of the Ring qualifiers coming up this Monday on RAW, like Bam Bam v. Typhoon! I’ll be sure to miss that one! Actually I already reviewed it. BUT I’M NOT WATCHING IT AGAIN.
Crush v. Steve Vega
So Vince begins sewing the seeds for something here, talking about how Savage has been spending time in Hawaii and hanging out with his good friend Crush. Oh my god, it’s actually a long-term storyline that goes somewhere AND pays off! Vega tries to throw punches and Crush no-sells them all, and hits him with a press slam. Head vice finishes at 1:55.
UPDATE! WITH GORILLA MONSOON! BROUGHT TO YOU BY NOTHING!
This week we take a look at the feud between Sherri and Luna, with bonus footage of them brawling backstage at Wrestlemania. With regards to Gorilla at this point, I will say, at least once they got Todd Pettingill to do this shit, Todd was someone who actually sounded like he wanted to be there. We get promos from both women, but in a running theme for the show, Sherri was gone by July and this never ended up paying off on TV or PPV, with just a few house show matches between them.
King of the Ring Qualifier: Razor Ramon v. El Matador
Razor arrogantly beats on Tito, but gets lazy and Tito hits him with the flying forearm for ONE TWO HE GOT HIM NO HE DIDN’T. Tito goes to work on the arm instead of pressing the advantage, and that’s why he was a jobber at this point. Ramon drops him on the top rope with a stungun to escape that armbar, but Tito slugs him down and gets some slams. To the top with a flying bodypress, but Ramon rolls through for the pin at 3:20. This was a huge disappointment and it should have been GREAT. * Luckily Ramon was about to completely overhaul his character on RAW.
FACE TO FACE! WITH MEAN GENE!
So this is the second ever Face to Face segment on the first show to feature it, and we’re already ignoring the gimmick as we get individual promos from Doink and then Jim Duggan. I think that’s a new record for them giving up on their own concepts.
And we close this crappy episode with Giant Gonzalez, who faces Tatanka next week in a qualifying match, but has thankfully gotten rid of the fur on his muscle suit, thank god.
God can we just get to King of the Ring already? This is such a weird period of transitioning between all these midcarders moving on to WCW and new people coming in and trying to get over.