The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 04.17.93

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 04.17.93

Taped from North Charleston, SC

Your hosts are Vince McMahon, Randy Savage & Jerry Lawler

We get words from Owen Hart and Bam Bam Bigelow in advance of our main event tonight, as Owen is going to ride a ROCKET to the top on Bigelow’s back.  I’m skeptical.

Crush v. Glen Ruth

Yes, it’s Headbanger v. Headcrusher.  Rush slugs away in the corner, but Crush runs him into the turnbuckle and puts him in a torture rack before dropping him with a backbreaker.  And we get a double inset promo from Doink as they continue trying to get “Pineapple Head” over as the insult of the 90s.  Meanwhile Crush gets a bearhug and follows with the tilt-a-whirl slam and finishes with the head vice at 2:10.

UPDATE!  WITH SEAN MOONEY!  BROUGHT TO YOU BY WWF MAGAZINE!

This week we focus on the feud between Sherri and Luna Vachon, as we head back to Monday Night RAW, with Luna accusing Sherri of having BAD BREATH.  This won’t stand, as Sherri comes out and attacks her and the brawl is on.  And it turns into a clothes-ripping spectacle as Sherri’s cleavage threatens to take out innocent bystanders and eventually Sgt. Slaughter carries off Luna to end the fight.  But then with Sherri down to her bra, Luna charges out again and attacks, and Sherri tears more clothes off her.  Randy Savage is unapologetically all about this.

The Headshrinkers v. JD Stryker & Rod Preston

Sounds like a pair of cops from a 90s procedural.  Samu slams Stryker and drops the headbutt, while Vince reveals that corrupt old Jack Tunney has ordered a medical investigation of Lex Luger’s arm.  He was in a motorcycle accident!  This is known!  It’s not like he was trying to hide his injuries.  Samu with a sideslam on Preston and he follows with a spinkick to the face, and they finish him with the flying Fatu splash at 2:41.

EVENT CENTER!  WITH MEAN GENE!

What is his bizarroworld where Mooney is doing the update and Gene is manning the Event Center?  Anyway, we get words from the Nasty Boys and they’ve gotta be just about ready to leave for WCW.  I much prefer Sean’s dry wit to Gene’s wacky introductions for the cartoonish characters.  “Papa loves mambo, papa loves voodoo, it’s Papa Shango!”

THIS THURSDAY:  Run to your video store and rent Wrestlemania IX!

Mr. Perfect v. Barry Hardy

Perfect chases him out of the ring with a slam and brings him back in with a backdrop suplex, and Vince assures us that when Perfect meets Shawn, it’ll be a classic.  Unless they go with a lame countout finish, but how likely is THAT?  Perfect with a dropkick while we get an inset promo and Vince speculates that Perfect’s expelled gum landed in Shawn’s mouth.  Ew.  Perfect with chops in the corner to set up the necksnap and Perfect drops him on the top rope to stretch things out a bit.  And of course NOW YOU’RE GONNA SEE A PERFECTPLEX at 3:02.

PROMOTIONAL CONSIDERATION PAID FOR BY THE FOLLOWING:  ICOPRO and Slim Jims, of course.  Wouldn’t be 1993 without them.

Bam Bam Bigelow v. Owen Hart

Thank god Owen is back to regular gear again.  Owen comes in throwing punches, but tries the enzuigiri and gets dumped on his head.  Bammer hammers on him, but Owen fights back with a dropkick and goes up with a missile dropkick.  Owen with a sunset flip for two and he works the arm and takes him down with a Fujiwara armbar.  Lawler notes that pretty soon you’re gonna see Owen flying all the way from the top of the arena when Bam Bam gets through with him.  Aw, man.  We take a break and return right where we left it, with Owen fighting back from the apron with a sunset flip, but Bam Bam catches him with a samoan drop to put him down and he stomps away.  Bigelow faceplants him and Owen lands on his knee to begin selling that, but then Bigelow switches to a bearhug and drops him for two.  Bigelow beats on him with headbutts for two and Owen tries to fight up, but he hurts his knee again and Bigelow beats him down and finishes with the diving headbutt at 6:32.  Not really much in terms of a story.  Owen basically hurt his knee and then Bigelow just did his usual stuff and put him away without much trouble.  *1/2

Let’s take another look at the Wrestlemania music video in case you missed it and wanted to rectify that.

Yokozuna v. Chris Katowski

Jim Duggan does an inset promo and lets us know that he’s finally learned not to trust Mr. Fuji or Yokozuna.  And they say he’s not very smart!  Yoko absolutely clobbers this poor geek and hits him with a belly to belly suplex and legdrop.  Yoko hits him with the palm strikes in the corner and then finishes him off with the butt splash at 3:02.

EVENT CENTER!  WITH MEAN GENE!

Razor Ramon wants the WWF title, and the Undertaker loves death and would like to see Giant Gonzalez die.

Next week:  Mr. Hughes!  Lex Luger gets a full medical evaluation!  Plus the Steiner Brothers!

Man it feels like they’ve been going through this taping FOREVER.  So I checked and sure enough, this show was taped way back on MARCH 8.  No wonder it feels so stale and RAW felt so alive.  I’m not even arguing the whole “live v. taped” thing because clearly it’s not true, but there’s a difference between taped a day earlier and the fourth or fifth week of a taping cycle that started before Wrestlemania!   Anyway, I know “1993 sucks” is not exactly a hot take but these shows between WM and KOTR are like a death march.