Shit like this is why Hokuto is an all-time legend.
JOSHI SPOTLIGHT- DEVIL MASAMI vs. DUMP MATSUMOTO:
* Okay, so with this week’s Spotlight being a tad short (a single match plus a recap of two old reviews), I figured I’d find some ’80s stuff, including a Devil/Dump match I was linked to weeks ago. And also, someone uploaded the Hokuto/Numacchi match from Super Whirlwind so I can review that arduous epic here!
So read on and see some of that wild 1980s Atrocious Alliance clusterfuck goodness! And an ultra-rare WWWA Title decision!
DEVIL MASAMI & JUMBO HORI vs. DUMP MATSUMOTO & DESIREE PETERSON:
* Dump, in a horizontally-striped singlet, is now teaming with a tall blonde white lady in lavender- Peterson is part of the “Fabulous Moolah” family of trainees, having worked in Canada and even got awarded the WWF Women’s Tag Team Titles in 1984 along with Velvet McIntyre. She had a solo feud against AJW-trained Judy Martin, but left the WWF in ’85, and a fictional title switch to the Glamor Girls happened. She feuded with Sherri Martel in ’88, and fought in the LPWA for a while. Devil, in a black swimsuit, is the Ace of AJW at the time, and has dissolved the Devil Gundan stable because Dump was just too much of a cheater even for her (a woman literally named after Satan, mind you). Jumbo Hori, in floral print, is named for her gargantuan, preposterous, staggering height of 5’11”, and was a big star at the time as well. The commentary is in Italian- I wasn’t aware they were getting any AJW stuff.
LOL jesus christ- Dump and the Atrocious Alliance assault the female referee before the bell, just stomping him to pieces while AJW’s evil heel ref is dragged away by the babyfaces. Goddamn ’80s AJW. Devil chokes Dump with a towel, but gets jumped by the entire Alliance as well. Dump holds her in a surfboard so she’s wide open for more of a beating, while Desiree & Jumbo fight, too. Dump appears to be trying to pull off Devil’s head, then does a hangman’s choke over the apron. Desiree chokes away, then hits a double-clothesline with another Alliance member, but the ref won’t count that (probably carrying a grudge over the mass beating earlier). Dump tosses Devil into the corner so she can beat on Jumbo, but the giantess rolls her up and then launches her out of a fireman’s carry, showing some real power (she’s a beanpole and Dump is like 220 lbs.). Devil hits a vertical suplex for two, then brawls with Desiree and we get more cheating, but Devil finally kicks some ass with great falling punches, but Devil charges in with a bo staff and starts wiping out BOTH of them while the Alliance strangle and kick the ref in the corner! Dump finally KOs the REF, but Devil dodges and Bull takes the staff shot.
Dump settles for throwing the table around as a ranged weapon outside, and lariats Jumbo, who hoists her onto the top rope and just whips her off (oddly simple, yet effective, move right there), but Dump ducks a double-lariat and just wipes out that poor ref on purpose again. Double-dropkick and Dump & Desiree are tossed into each other- Stereo Flying Knee Smashes, but Jumbo misses and is covered, while Devil hits Desiree and covers! Mystery pinfall! But the ref correctly asserts that Dump & Jumbo are legal, so the win goes to the Alliance (10:31 or so, I didn’t hear any bell at first)! hahah jesus what the fuck. 1980s AJW’s refusal to disqualify ANYONE continues to be hilarious, as every show seems to be a never-ending stream of cheating and unnecessary violence from the embodiment of everything that scares teenage Japanese girls.
Rating: **3/4 (these matches are always wild fun. Less “matches” and more “fights and weapons”, but still fun- Desiree did nothing but sell and a couple of Moolah-ish basics)
WWWA VACANT WORLD TITLE DECISION MATCH:
DEVIL MASAMI vs. DUMP MATSUMOTO:
* So Devil is the All Pacific Champion, and used to lead “Devil Gundan”- a heel stable. But subordinate Dump’s shitty behavior proved just too much for her, and she dissolved her entire stable and turned face after one match was just too full of cheating for her to deal with. And now they’re enemies, fighting for the vacant WWWA World Title at the peak of Crush Gals-Mania. Devil now has Babyface Hair (the short curly perm thing) and a white swimsuit, while Dump’s in black, and wearing makeup more exaggerated than WWE’s modern “makeup gun” approach- her and the Alliance coming down with war banners and battle flags is an INSANE showy look that I can’t believe isn’t more common.
In a nice touch, Dump’s usual cheating and insistence upon weapons isn’t as effective against Masami, who is unafraid to get her hands dirty, unlike the kindly, honorable Crush Gals. Devil, by contrast, has a real “fucking do it- I dare you” look to her as she brandishes her own stick. They criss-cross and counter-wrestle to start, Dump using her weight to take over. She claws away, but as the crowd chants “DE-VIL-U!”, she actually sells the chants as bothersome in a pro move, screaming and clutching her ears. Dump plays sleight-of-hand with the HIDDEN SPIKE to continue the assault, Masami doing a great “defiant but helpless” sell, stumbling around and grasping at her face desperately. The Alliance jump her outside the ring (wow, 7 minutes before blatant interference? Impressive patience!), and things are looking dire with a spike to the throat and tons more brawling and hiding the gimmick. The savagery continues, but Devil (still not bleeding, oddly- Chigusa usually blades quickly) manages a short comeback with punches, but Dump takes her down and grabs a choke-chain, then a metal bin! Oh shit, was Aja Kong watching this? But she wastes time tossing the ref around, so Devil crumples it over her head for two!
Devil’s slow to her feet and gets a chair wrapped around her head, but fights to her feet and works the body with punches (… I question that strategy against Dump- just saying), and puts her down with headbutts, bites the hand, rams her into the post and dumps her for a fight outside, but Dump gets a lariat reversal… for a “Fuck YOU!” bridge- perfect timing! Dump Piledriver gets the same reaction, but a German gets reversed to a weak backdrop- Devil drags her up and hits a Superplex for two! Dump’s up first, though, and hoists Devil up for a DOOMSDAY DEVICE, as an Alliance member flies off the top! But the referee is thankfully like “Fuck you- I’m not counting that” Dump is furious, but Devil grabs her and kinda beats her into a Falling Front Piledriver for two. Dump escapes and tosses Devil into a table held up by her goons outside, but Devil no-sells a bodyslam in the ring while a ring girl deals with an Alliance thug, and brings her down with a Super Electric Chair Drop with Lioness Asuka’s help! And Devil hits a Flying Splash to finish at (19:04) and wins the WWWA World Title! So Dump gets some payback from all that bullshit, finally! Devil sobs as she is awarded the gold standard of joshi for her one and only run with it.
Kind of an endless “Dump uses weapons and hides them” affair for like ten straight minutes, which was a bit much, but Devil’s comebacks near the end were GREAT and full of good timing. Some ring girls and Lioness finally running into the ring to counter Alliance thuggery was also some great just desserts, too, as Devil fights through the unfairness to pick up the win.
Rating: ***1/4 (a bit too long and endless with the same attacks being used, but picked up near the end)
AKIRA HOKUTO vs. NUMACCHI:
* Haha, oh God! So upon learning that this match was missing, The Boy Who Shot Wolves, who is now my favorite poster ever, uploaded it based off of an old Hokuto compilation he had. So here’s the yellow-clad Dangerous Queen up against a Comedy Jobber- here’s hoping she doesn’t wear herself out too much for the tag match.
Numacchi taunts Hokuto with her stupid shovel and poses, Hokuto smirks to blow it off, and the bell rings! So Numacchi just grabs the shovel again, takes a swing, Hokuto dodges, Dangerous Queen Bomb, goodbye at (0:07). HAHAHAHAHAHAHA BEST!! This shit is why Hokuto is such a legend. She gives Numacchi nothing, kills her in one move, cuts a promo to taunt the writhing jobber, then has a conversation with Rumi Kazama, who presumably challenges her to the Hair vs. Hair Match in November.
Rating: 1/4* (The Dangerous Queen Bomb is worth a quarter-star to a seven-second match- it’s a rule)