The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 09.09.20
Live from Jacksonville, FL
Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Jim Ross & Excalibur
Chris Jericho meets up with MJF in the parking lot and they put each other over, before the inevitable “What a loser” behind each other’s back.
The Lucha Bros v. Jurassic Express
JB takes Fenix down with a couple of springboard armdrags, but Fenix gets his own and the Luchas double-team him in the corner, but Jungle Boy escapes the piledriver and hits Penta with a flatliner as Luchasaurus gets two. The Luchas bail for a conference with Eddie Kingston, and Penta trades chops with Luchasaurus. Jungle Boy comes in and runs wild, hitting Fenix with a dive, but Penta shoves him into a superkick from Fenix and that gets two. Penta goes to work on the leg, but JB rolls away from them and makes the hot tag to Luchasaurus. Fenix tries to come off the top and gets chokeslammed on the way in, for two. Fenix comes back and wraps up JB with the Gory Bomb, and Penta comes in with a sling blade on Luchasaurus and a backstabber on JB. And the package piledriver gets two, but the Luchas are so shook that Penta accidentally hits his own brother with a Canadian Destroyer and Jungle Boy gets the surprise pin at 9:24. Dissention is already teased after that, but Eddie is like “Where’s your little British friend? He’s not here, I’m here!” Well this managerial deal isn’t going particularly well thus far. Fun little match, nothing earth-shattering. **3/4 Also, Eddie would like to remind us that he was never eliminated from the battle royale. Perhaps he should speak to Archer about that and see how it goes for him.
Meanwhile, Lance Archer and Jake Roberts are off in the rain, trashing cars and getting wet, and Lance is sick and tired of Jon Moxley being champion and he’s going to do something about it.
Matt Hardy joins us with thanks for all the fans watching and showing him love. He also wants to say sorry to his family and fanbase for putting them through all that, and he’s going to get 100% healthy and move on past Sammy and onto winning the AEW title. And that’s it, no angle, just Matt saying thanks.
Orange Cassidy v. Angelico
Angelico gets a cheapshot and wraps up Orange in a double wristlock, but Orange reverses out and goes for the pockets. Angelico grabs his hands and ties him up in another standing submission. Orange tries to spin into a DDT, but Angelico wraps him up on the mat this time and Orange has to make the ropes. Cassidy sends him to the floor and follows with a dive, and back in for a crossbody and this time he hits the DDT and finishes with the Orange Punch at 3:13. But before he can even get his hands in the pockets, Santana and Ortiz lay him out from behind and the Best Friends save. So next week, it’s the parking lot street fight to settle things. No hugs, just hurt, and MAKING TRENT’S MAMA PROUD.
Meanwhile, Marvez tries to interview the Bucks, but they superkick him away. Well that’s rude.
Kip Sabian joins us and it’s time to reveal his best man! Tony does not party enough for Kip’s taste, so he gets booted from the ring so Kip can introduce the real one, who is apparently Brian Pillman Jr. But apparently Kip sent him a text that said “You’re the best, man” and he misinterpreted it. Ouch. “And I hope your birthday sucked!” OUCH. And finally after a couple of tries we meet the real one…Miro. The crowd goes crazy for that, of course, immediately picking up with “Miro Day”. And others can take their brass rings and shove them up their ass, apparently. He’s a good fit, but honestly there’s only so many “WWE screwed me over” guys they can rescue before they start building their own new stars. All the male champions are ex-WWE guys now!
Meanwhile, Tony sits down with Hangman Page and he’s drinking again. But him and Omega will be back and regain the titles.
Chris Jericho & Jake Hager v. Sonny Kiss & Joey Janela
Janela hits Jericho with a forearm, and Kiss comes in for a double bulldog and double dropkick. Sonny stops to go after Hager, however, and Jericho gives him a cheapshot and chokes him out on the ropes. But then the babyfaces regroup with stereo missile dropkicks to chase the Inner Circle out, and they stop to pose before Janela hits Jericho with a dive. Back in, Joey uses a chair since it’s no DQ, as opposed to all the other AEW matches with DQs, but Jericho uses the chair to take over and we take a break. Back with Janela sending Jericho into his own chair in the corner and it’s hot tag Sonny Kiss. He rolls up Hager for two and superkicks him for two, but Sonny stops to toss out Jericho and gets laid out from behind by Hager. He tries the Hagerbomb on the trash can, but Sonny hits him with it on the way down. Meanwhile, Jericho catapults Janela into a Hager spinebuster through a table outside, but then Sonny hits them with a flying bodypress to the ramp. Back in, he hits both heels with handspring kicks, but Jericho sprays him with a fire extinguisher and Hager finishes him with the head and arm slam at 10:31. Solid midcard action to reheat Jericho a bit. **1/2 Afterwards, Jericho lets us know that they’re going for the tag team titles next.
Meanwhile, at MJF HQ, EVERYONE IS FIRED. Especially Nina and her yellow stained teeth. Wardlow is about to walk as well, but MJF reminds him that his paydays are coming from MJF, not Tony Khan. That’s a nice twist to keep the inevitable Wardlow turn held off a bit longer.
Meanwhile, Jon Moxley is still the #1 guy in the sport, and he wouldn’t bet against himself.
FTR Celebration time! Tully Blanchard finally reveals the true meaning of FTR: Fear the Revelation. All the teams in AEW are around the ring, which gives FTR a chance to lay the badmouth on various people, like wondering how good SCU would be if it was 20 years earlier. Also, Billy of the Gunn Club might be in a “second rate Hall of Fame” but him and his kid aren’t jumping the line. Also, they’re not giving a title shot to a comedy gimmick like “the cosplay Tarzan and his dumbass dinosaur” but this proves to be an insult too much, and they chased from the ring and take an ice bath from Marko. And then everyone else enjoys the celebratory cake. Kind of a nothing segment.
Ricky Starks joins us, dressed up like Darby Allin, and cuts a good promo on Darby, which makes Taz proud.
Nyla Rose v. Tay Conti
Nyla beats on her in the corner, but Tay gets an awkward rollup for two and rolls into a kneebar. Nyla sends her to the floor for some abuse from Vickie and we take a break. Back with Conti trying a sunset flip, but Nyla slams her to escape and then finishes with the Beast Bomb at 6:02. More punishment is teased by Nyla, but Shida makes the save to reheat that program. Tay Conti was a totally worthless pickup on their part. ½*
Meanwhile, JR sits down with Kenny Omega, and he’s not terribly broken up about losing the belts. You win some, you lose some, ya know? Kenny reflects on how he was supposed to be the big singles star of the company, but then fell into the tag team with Hangman and now he’s done with it.
Next week (although we’re not sure which day): The Parking Lot fight! Jericho & Hager v. Private Party! Hangman v. Kazarian! Thunder Rosa defends the NWA title against Ivelisse!
TNT title: Mr. Brodie Lee v. Dustin Rhodes
Dustin attacks before Mr. Brodie Lee can even groom his moustache, and they fight into the crowd, where Dustin backdrops him onto a table. Back into the ring, Dustin slugs away in the corner and they fight to the floor again, and back in for a chop battle before Dustin slugs away. Brodie rakes the eyes and puts him down for a catapult under the ropes, sending Dustin out of the ring as we take a break. Back with Dustin making the comeback with a bulldog and the powerslam, but Brodie escapes the Destroyer. A second try gets two, however. Lee boots him, however, and gets a powerbomb for two. Blind charge misses and Lee hits the floor, and Dustin follows with a senton from the apron. Back in, Dustin gets the Shattered Nuts, but John Silver runs in and provides interference. Dustin still manages a piledriver on Lee for two, but he’s in the ropes. They slug it out and Dustin hits him with his own lariat for two. They made boots and Lee gets the discus lariat and that finishes at 11:54 as we are DESPERATELY OUT OF TIME. Sadly, Colt Cabana is not welcome at the celebration afterwards, and then poor Dustin gets one more kick in the nuts for good measure. This ended up being a hell of a good TV level hoss fight, actually, but nothing to go out of your way to see. ***1/4
A fairly dull but solid world-building show that was setting up a bunch of stuff for later, but as a two hour wrestling show there wasn’t much to it. I know they can’t really just up and move, but it’s really feeling like they need to change up the venue somehow and get away from Daily’s Place for a bit. Maybe set up the ring in the football field and put people around that or something? I dunno, but they need a kick in the pants right now, especially with the show moving around the schedule every week.