The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 09.02.20
Oh man, not the Rock! NOW IT’S PERSONAL, COVID-19!
(Update: He’s already fine. Carry on!)
Live from Jacksonville, FL
Your hosts are Jim Ross, Tony Schiavone & Excalibur
Want to check out AEW All Out for free this Saturday? Just like and retweet me and I’ll pick a random winner this Friday and send out a code for Fite.TV’s presentation of the show. Unfortunately if you’re in the US, I can’t help you. https://twitter.com/rspwfaq/status/1301329645363539970?s=20
Santana & Ortiz v. Best Friends
Trent and Chuck jump them before they can make their entrance, but Santana suplexes Chuck on the floor and Ortiz beats on him with his jacket. Trent hits them with a dive off the stage, however, and they try to suplex Ortiz onto the stairs, but Santana saves. Ortiz chokes out Trent with the jacket and trash-talks Trent’s mom. Not cool, Ortiz. Trent spears Ortiz for that while Chuck builds a chair pyramid of some kind, but Santana bounces another chair off his head and then hurls Chuck off the stage and onto his own chair pile. Irony can be so ironic. So FINALLY they get into the ring to start the match and Trent gets the double knees on Santana. Meanwhile the announcers have some banter about how Chuck is “Hoisted on his own petard” (which is actually a misquote, but close enough) and Tony is like “Hoisted on his own petard, that’s great.” Who says wrestling can’t be Shakespeare? Literally in this case. LAX double-teams Trent and Ortiz gets a suplex while Chuck is out cold on the floor, but Trent dumps Santana to the floor and hits Ortiz with a tornado DDT. So Trent runs wild on his own, but charges Santana on the floor and misses, running himself into the railing as a result. Finally Chuck revives long enough to get the hot tag and he hits the heels with forearms and DOES THE DEAL for two. Sunset flip on Santana gets two. Back to Trent, who hits Santana with a Yes knee, but Ortiz yanks him off the apron and onto the stairs. Ouch. Back in, they set for the Street Sweeper, but Trent hits Ortiz with a Storm Zero for two, which was actually three but they pretend like he got in the ropes on time. So then Santana hits Trent with a baton from the floor, and this time the Street Sweeper finishes at 6:56. Well that was a bit of a fuck-up at the end, but the crazy brawling start was tremendous fun and this was a solid opener. ***1/4
Meanwhile, poor Lee Johnston has to tell MJF that lawyer Mark Sterling has locked himself into the dressing room, so Wardlow smashes open the door and hauls him out.
SCU & Private Party v. The Young Bucks & Jurassic Express
Matt beats on Quen to start, but Kassidy comes in with a springboard rana and puts the Bucks on the floor, where Matt gets all in the face of some guy with a “Hangman drink my beer” sign and then dumps the beer on the guy. Back in, the Bucks take out their frustration on Daniels, but Nick then refuses to tag in the Jurassics and they continue double-teaming Daniels with a double stomp onto a catapult. Finally Jungle Boy manages to tag himself in, but Kazarian works him over and this a discus lariat, and then slingshots Nick in for a cutter. Daniels dumps the Bucks and hits them with a moonsault press, and back in Kazarian gets a springboard legdrop for two. Over to Private Party, who double-team JB with a flapjack and we take a break. Back with Luchasaurus getting the hot tag and hitting the Private Party with a double clothesline, then moonsaulting onto SCU outside. Back in, the Bucks tag themselves back in and we get a four-way Risky Business from both teams. Kassidy blocks a superkick from Matt, but Jungle Boy hits him with a lariat. SCU double-teams JB with a neckbreaker to set up a swanton from Kassidy for two. But then Matt superkicks JB by mistake and Daniels hits the BME for two. Luchasaurus makes the save and suplexes Quen into a powerbomb from Jungle Boy for two. But then Matt tags himself in again and the Bucks hit the BTE Trigger on Quen to finish him at 13:48. Went a little long but still lots of fun. ***1/4
Meanwhile, Jake Hager stops by the dressing room to inform Orange Cassidy that Jericho wants him at ringside tonight.
Meanwhile, Tully Blanchard pumps up his team but he’s having some microphone echo issues.
Kenny Omega joins Tony for an interview, and he knows that FTR fooled Hangman into doing their dirty work for them, but hey, it’s cool, it happens to everyone sometimes. FTR interrupts and they clarify that they have no problem with Kenny personally, and they offer him a “choc” as a sign of good faith. But Kenny has no patience for dickheads, so if they’re gonna jump him, then they should just go ahead and do it. But keep Tully and his Depends away because he smells. This brings out Hangman Page, still drinking, and Dax gloats about getting into Page’s head and convincing him to turn on the Bucks. And Kenny doesn’t appear to want anything to do with his partner either. I STILL BELIEVE IN YOU, HANGMAN! I mean, I wouldn’t wear the cowboy shirt, even I have limits. But I hope you get your cowboy shit together.
Joey Janela v. The Demo God
Jericho beats on Janela in the corner and hits him with a back suplex, then stands on the hair and elbows him down. Joey makes a comeback with a shoulderblock, but Jericho puts him down again and throws knees before tossing him out to the ramp. Janela tries to springboard back in, but Jericho catches him with a codebreaker on the way down and puts him away with a Liontamer at 3:22. He proceeds with a beating, busting Janela open to finally goad Orange into the ring to make the save, but of course Hager attacks. But then Sonny Kiss helps out and Orange clears the ring and enjoys a little bit of the bubbly by pouring it out and giving it THUMBS DOWN. Sick burn, bro.
Team Taz comes out to claim victory in the battle royale already, but Jake Roberts and Lance Archer bitches at him, and then Eddie Kingston and his crew are out to put themselves over, and he doesn’t know whether to fight Ricky Starks or take him out on a date. Naturally this leads to FISTICUFFS and everyone brawls, including some people jumping in from the crowd, and they continue on through the break before it kind of peters out and I’m mostly left wondering what the hell was the point of that whole thing.
Thunder Rosa v. Serena Deeb
Deeb is another good pickup for AEW if she’s sticking around. Rosa takes her down with a leg trip and floats into a headlock, but Deeb reverses to her own. They slug it out and Rosa takes her down with armdrags and then hits her with a chop on the ropes, but Deeb comes back with a neckbreaker and we take a break. Back with Deeb hitting a backstabber and making a comeback with clotheslines and then ties her up with an Octopus attempt into a rollup for two. Deeb charges and hits the turnbuckle, however, and Rosa hits her with double knees in the corner and follows with a shotgun dropkick on the ropes for two. Rosa wraps her up in a Gory Special, but Deeb reverses to a rollup for two. She tries a piledriver, but Rosa reverses to a death valley driver for two. They trade rollups and Rosa hits her with a suplex and running knee, then finishes with the Thunder Driver at 8:27. Perfectly cromulent wrestling action here. ***
Meanwhile, Moxley is concerned that 2020 has been shitty enough already and we don’t need an MJF title reign on top of it.
Big Swole chats with Tony about her upcoming match with Britt, but she gets distracted by a pizza delivery from master of disguise Rebel, and Britt attacks with the Lockjaw.
We run down the card for All Out, and there’s a lot of tag matches.
Jon Moxley v. Mark Sterling
Sterling’s entrance is TREMENDOUS, as Wardlow hurls him out of the tunnel and drags him to the ring for his match. I literally laughed out loud at that bump. And then Sterling’s graphic is “MJF’s Inattentive Attorney Making AEW Debut”. Sterling can’t even make a fist, so Moxley helps him put up his dukes and then punches him in the face to send him flying to the floor. Wardlow is unimpressed, and Moxley turns his back and offers up a free shot, but then swerves the lawyer and moves out of the way. Finally he pokes Mox in the eye, but quickly gets clotheslined to the floor and destroyed out there. Back in, Paradigm Shift mercifully finishes at 5:05. This of course brings in Wardlow for the beatdown, and then MJF miraculously removes his walker and neck brace and joins in, hitting Moxley with the ring to bust him open. At this point Moxley tells him “go fucking nuts” and MJF smears blood on his face and does the big heel pose as the go-home for the PPV. I found this last segment pretty disappointing, aside from Sterling’s entrance. They had already kind of peaked the feud last week and didn’t need this.
Kind of a weak episode but still a solid build to the PPV. I’m kinda wishing they’d tape these shows again, though, because the 500 person crowd is adding nothing and the fake crowd noise usually ends up sounding better anyway. Nothing to go out of your way to see this week, but nothing terrible either.