The SmarK Rant for AEW SATURDAY NIGHT DYNAMITE – 08.22.20

The SmarK Rant for AEW Saturday Night Dynamite – 08.22.20

Taped from Jacksonville, FL

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Jim Ross & Taz

FTR v. Private Party

Tully Blanchard is now repping FTR at ringside, complete with a sweet new leather jacket, so they’re full-on heels now.  As they should be.  Quen cleans house with dropkicks to start and puts them on the floor, but Dax goes with a good old eye rake behind the ref’s back and proceeds to beating on Quen.  Cash comes in and beats on him with forearms, but Dax gets double-teamed by the Party, as Kassidy double-teams Dax on the head for two.  Quen gets suckered into chasing FTR outside of the ring and they catch him with a double clothesline on the apron and Cash chokes him out on the ropes.  Dax gets some nicely vicious eyerakes on the ropes and takes him down with a chinlock.  We get a cool overhead camera as they fight for the tag on either side, but FTR wins that battle and Cash powerbombs Quen for two.  He sinks in the chinlock, but Quen escapes with a backdrop suplex, so Dax cuts him off and tosses him to the floor.  Cash dives and misses, however, and Quen finally makes the hot tag to Kassidy, who is pretty fired up and runs wild.  He necks Wheeler in the corner and hits Dax with a stunner for two.  Quen is back in and trades near-falls with Dax for two, and Dax gets a backslide for two.  Quen walks into a spinebuster from Wheeler for two.  Kassidy tosses Dax and tries a dive, but Tully pulls his man out of the way like a BOSS and Kassidy splats on the floor.  This leaves Quen alone, as Wheeler sends him into the post and the SHATTER MACHINE finishes at 12:49.  Man, Tully Blanchard managing FTR is so perfect I didn’t even realize how much I needed it in my life until now.  Great old school tag wresting here, as FTR calmed them down and got heat on Quen.  ***1/2

Meanwhile, Jon Moxley is very amused by the MJF campaign, and thinks that if he really wants the dirt, he should talk to Renee because she’ll give him two pages of faults to go after.  So he’s hopeful that one day MJF will move out of his parents’ basement and lose his virginity, and then he might win the World title someday.  But not today, because at the PPV he’ll drop elbows on MJF’s skull until he’s busted open and walk out as the champion.   YEAH HE WILL.

Meanwhile, MJF cuts his rebuttal, now sporting a neckbrace over top of his scarf.  He can’t continue, so his lawyer, Mark Sterling, takes over the promo and they want the Paradigm Shift BANNED because it’s deadly.  Who’s next?  NINA AND HER BEAUTIFUL SMILE?  They’ve got FIVE MILLION signatures so far calling for the ban, so they’ve got a contract banning the move for their title match and they’re gonna sue unless Jon signs it. I’m so into this World title match.  MJF is just knocking it out of the park.

The Butcher & The Blade & The Lucha Bros v. Jurassic Express & The Natural Nightmares

We immediately get a pileup on the floor and the Luchas hit everyone with topes, and then B&B go to work on QT in the ring with corner elbows.  He fights back with a handspring kick on Butcher and tries to dive onto Fenix, but Butcher hits him from behind and Pentagon adds a shot from the floor as the heels take over.  Dustin gets the tag, however, and hits Blade with armdrags, but he gets caught on the floor and assaulted to put the heels in control again.  Penta comes in and works the leg with kicks, and we take a break.  Back with Luchasaurus running wild and hitting a standing moonsault on Pentagon for two.  Butcher comes in for the hoss fight and QT runs wild with cutters, but the Lucha Bros double-team him with a sling blade.  Jungle Boy returns from the floor and gets sent to the apron, while Dustin hits a Destroyer on Fenix, but Penta and Blade can’t get their shit together for a spike piledriver on JB, as Penta refuses to participate with anyone but his brother, so they get into a shoving match and Jungle Boy rolls up Blade for the pin at 9:19.  Just a fun mess.  **3/4  This brings out Eddie Kingston, who is disgusted by what he’s seeing here, and demanding to know why these guys can’t win the tag titles after paying all their dues.  So he calls them all in for a group hug, and promises to take all four to the top.  I thought Kingston was going with LAX, but this works too.

Meanwhile, Dr. Britt Baker is at the gym, and warns Penelope Ford and Kip Sabian about the cavity-causing dangers of making out, then offers Rebel’s makeup services for a year in exchange for helping against Big Swole.

Orange Cassidy joins Tony for an interview, but LE CHAMPION interrupts right away, offering congratulations.  And deep down he’s proud of Orange, but they’re tied at one win each and “where I come from” that means they need a RUBBER MATCH.  And since he invented the match with the briefcase and the ladder, it’s only fitting that they combine their drinks in a MIMOSA MAYHEM MATCH.  Jericho even has a video ready with dramatic narration, explaining the rules!  80 gallons of orange juice and champagne at ringside, and the only way to win is to throw your opponent into it.  Orange accepts this deadly challenge with a thumbs up, but the Inner Circle comes out to celebrate with a toast and then attacks, as poor Orange is laid out cold with yet another Judas Effect and then a champagne bath.

Kenny Omega & The Young Bucks v. The Dark Order

We’ve got Silver, Reynolds and Angels representing the Order this week.  Nick trades elbows with Angels on the ramp and goes to work with armdrags in the ring, but Matt tries the rolling suplexes and the other two Order geeks block him.  So he suplexes them instead.  Omega comes in for a triple team on Angels for two, and the Bucks hit Silver & Reynolds with stereo dives outside.  Kenny tries the moonsault on Angels, but the other two break it up and drag Kenny to the floor for some chairshots and a crazy double stomp from Angels onto the chair.  OUCH.  Matt tries to save and the Order gives him a double-team brainbuster on the floor to get rid of him, and back in for two on Kenny.  We take a break and return with Nick Jackson running wild with a double stomp to Reynolds back, and the Bucks give him a bulldog/dropkick combo.  The Elite hit the Dark Order with clotheslines in the corner, but then the Order turns around and does the same to Kenny, following with a double-team suplex for two.  Kenny fights them off with snapdragons and dramatically makes the tag to the Bucks, but the Order breaks up the Indietaker and hits their own tombstones on the Bucks for two!  They even choke out Matt with a cord, but the Bucks fight back with a SUPERKICK PARTY and then kill Silver with an Indietaker and One Winged Angel to finish at 9:53.  This was a hell of a tag team match!  ***1/2  But then Kenny hasn’t had enough yet and wants to powerbomb Angels onto a chair, and the Bucks luckily talk him out of trying to, you know, murder the guy.

Meanwhile, FTR reveals that next week is a gauntlet match for the title shot at Omega & Hangman, with the top four ranked teams facing off, with Bucks v. Nightmares, then that winner against Best Friends, and finally against FTR.  Hangman bursts in, demanding to know what’s going on with Tully and all this heel stuff, but he gets calmed down with a fresh beer and they calmly give their side of the story and talk him down.

Darby Allin v. Will Hobbs

Darby is SALTY this week, attacking Hobbs before the bell and going after the leg, but Hobbs slams him facefirst to slow him down.  Hobbs yanks him out of the corner for two and gets some offense, but Darby gets fired up, slugs him down, and finishes with the Coffin Drop at 2:54.  This brings out Ricky Starks, who is now the EVIL DARBY, with the other half of his face painted.  He loves skateboarding and turtles, but this proves to be distraction so that Brian Cage can lay him out with the FTW title, and the beatdown is on.

Sammy Guevara comes out for a promo, and we head to break and return with Matt Hardy beating him down with a chair in revenge for last week.  I guess we missed something here in Canada because we don’t get the picture-in-picture thing.  Anyway, Matt hurls off him off the ramp and through the table, but referees stop him from giving Sammy a receipt with the same chair that split his head open.

Meanwhile, THUNDER ROSA, who still has the NWA Women’s title, challenges Hikaru Shida to a title match at All Out.  But the NWA isn’t dead yet according to Billy Corgan.

AEW Women’s tag team tournament final:  Ivelisse & Diamante v. Brandi Rhodes & Allie

Brandi gets double-teamed to start, but Allie comes in and beats on Diamante in the corner, then puts her on the floor with an armdrag as we take a break.  Back with Diamante hitting Allie with a suplex out of the corner and making a hot tag to Ivelisse, who hits Brandi with an STO for two.  Allie comes in and hits Diamante with the Final Cut for two.  QT gets involved and Ivelisse knocks him off the apron and dumps Brandi onto him, and then kicks Allie down and stacks her up for the pin at 10:00 to win the cup.  Felt like most of this one took place during the commercial.  **  The whole cup thing was a pleasant distraction on YouTube, I guess, but I don’t really see the point overall.

TNT title:  Cody Rhodes v. Mr. Brodie Lee

Brodie comes out swinging with a dropkick and tosses Cody to the floor, then boots him into the front row and throws some chairs around.  Back in for a suplex onto Cody’s head a couple of times, and a pair of superkicks for two.  He follows with a pair of powerbombs and the discus lariat, and Cody is DONE at 3:14 as Mr. Brodie is the new champion in a complete squash. And Cody goes out on a stretcher, although he gives the thumbs up on the way out.  Well, all the Cody haters should be happy about that one.  And then once Cody is wheeled out, the Dark Order beats up AA as well and then hauls Cody back and dumps the stretcher over, then smashes a bag over his head that turns out to contain the remains of the original TNT belt.  And Anna Jay chokes out Brandi for good measure!  I’m assuming this is all setting up a big Cody comeback at the PPV, but this was a completely shocking and different ending to the show and a nice change of pace.

They’re doing a HELL of a job setting up the PPV in one show, I’d say.  For those complaining that they weren’t building to anything, now we’ve got a tag title match ready after next week, Cody v. Brodie II probably, MIMOSA MADNESS, Darby v. Starks, Shida v. Thunder Rosa and a hot World title match.  Pretty good for a Saturday show, I’d say!

What a crazy night for wrestling.