The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 08.05.20
Live from Jacksonville, FL
Your hosts are Tony Schiavone & Jim Ross & Taz
The Elite & FTR v. The Dark Order
The Bucks double-team Mr. Brodie Lee to start, so he sends one of his random masked geeks in there to die, and Nick hits him with the top rope rana for two. The Elite brings him back to their corner and they take turns working him over. Page with the standing shooting star for two, but Uno and Grayson save and we get a giant wacky 4-on-3 triple suplex on the Dark Order guys, which gets two for Kenny. Kenny chases Colt around the ring and gets superkicked by Mr. Brodie Lee, allowing the heels to take over. Uno gets a big boot for two and they hit a sideslam and flying elbow combo for two. Five hits a standing frog splash for two, but Dax Harwood comes in and drops elbows on him for two. Cash comes in with a powerslam and now we get an attempt at triple figure-fours, but the Order guys kick out of it. So the Elite team up on Uno and suplex him all over and then take turns kicking Five. Nick hits a dive onto a few Dark Order guys outside, but Dax comes in and messes up his knee, leaving Kenny alone in the ring to get beat on while the other 4 guys on the babyface team tend to Harwood. Matt gets double-teamed by Uno and Grayson with a powerbomb for two and they send him into the corner for more punishment, hitting him with a series of corner splashes to set up a Colt Cabana flying splash for two. Uno gets a neckbreaker for two. You’ll note that we’ve now divided the babyface team pretty firmly, with the Bucks & Omega still in the ring while FTR and Page are in the back. Matt dodges a blind charge by Uno and spears Five, and then hits him with a springboard cutter, but Uno yanks Nick off the apron to prevent the hot tag and Grayson suplexes him on the floor. Matt fights back and hits a bunch of the geeks with somersault sentons, but he’s got no one to tag until Hangman triumphantly returns and kicks everyone’s ass. He hits the Order with dives, but Uno trips him up to prevent the Buckshot lariat. So he hits Five with a backdrop suplex on the apron, which is THE HARDEST PART OF THE RING I might remind you, and then moonsaults the Dark Order on the floor. Back in, he DARES Mr. Brodie Lee to come in and face him and we get that showdown as they slug it out. But then the other Order geeks pull him out of the ring and Mr. Brodie Lee hits him with a dive of his own. Back in, Omega makes the save, but Grayson hits Page with a flying splash for two. Mr. Brodie Lee sets up for the lariat on Page to finish, but the Bucks return for a SUPERKICK PARTY, but Mr. Brodie Lee escapes it and hits Page with the lariat for the pin at 17:42. This was one where there was too much stuff going on to start, but then it settled down and got AWESOME as they started telling a story and concentrated on the constant man advantage of the Dark Order. ****
Meanwhile, Jon Moxley talks about being young and stupid and facing his demons in the ring. So he gets why Darby Allin is coming after him, but now he’s the voice of reason, concerned for Darby’s health, and he’s gonna have to beat him down and hopes he knows when to stay down. Even though he knows that Darby won’t, because he wouldn’t.
Meanwhile, Best Friends pull up in their mom’s minivan.
Santana & Ortiz v. The Best Friends
Chucky trades hammerlocks with Santana to start, and rolls him up for two. Ortiz comes in and Chucky takes him down with an armdrag and Trent comes in with a meteora and northern lights suplex for two. But Trent gets caught in the heel corner and they work him over as we take a break. Back with Trent slugging it out with Ortiz, but Ortiz goes to the eyes to win that battle and stops to swivel his hips. Rick Rude taught us that there’s ALWAYS time to swivel! Santana comes in with a uranage for one, and everyone brawls as Santana takes out Chucky with a tope suicida. Back in, Santana hits Trent with a backbreaker for two and a snap suplex for two. LAX with the double suplex as Chucky hangs out in the front row with Peter Avalon. And Ortiz puts the badmouth on Trent’s MOM! Hey, that’s not cool. Trent fights back with a clothesline out of the corner and makes the hot tag to Chucky, who hits Ortiz with a shiranui and a Michinoku Driver on Santana for two. FALCON ARROW for Ortiz, and he’s DONE THE DEAL, but it only gets two. But I thought no one kicked out of the falcon arrow? I don’t believe in nothing no more. The Friends put Ortiz on the top and hit him with a stacked up superplex, but Santana hauls Chucky T out of the ring and sends him into the barricade. LAX double-teams Trent again and Santana rolls into a cutter, and Ortiz powerbombs him, but that only gets two. They set up to finish, but Trent rolls up Ortiz to get the surprise pin at 12:51. This was some fine tag team wrestling. ***1/2
Meanwhile, back at MJF campaign 2020 HQ, posters and pins are getting shipped out across the world. Also, MJF is winning in the polls 100% to -88%. But his poster isn’t level!
Matthew Hardy joins us, and he listens to his audience, because they want plain old Matt Hardy and not all the wacky characters. But he’s still gonna try to help the young guys in AEW, like Private Party and Sammy Guevara, even though Sammy doesn’t want his help. So Sammy sneaks into the ring, but Matt sees him first and attacks, as they brawl to the floor and Matt slams him on the ring announcer’s table. But Sammy rams him into the ringpost and puts him on another table, then goes to the ramp and puts him through with a somersault dive. Matt is GUSHING blood and it’s smeared all over the table, which is kind of gross but still awesome.
Meanwhile, Santana and Ortiz DESTROY THE MINIVAN. That’s Trent’s mom’s van! She’s probably still paying it off! I’m not gonna lie, I’m pretty shook by that.
Alex Reynolds & John Silver v. Cody & Matt Cardona
Silver attacks Cody and gets slugged down and suplexed as a result, and that gets two. Cardona comes in and reverses a suplex from Reynolds into a neckbreaker for two, but Cody comes in and takes a sliding bump into the ringpost and hurts the ribs. Back in, Cody fights them off alone, but Silver trips him up on the apron and Reynolds hits him with a double stomp to the ribs and they go to work with elbows in the Dark Order corner. Reynolds with a back elbow for two. Cody takes the corner bump and they lure Cardona in to distract the ref, and we get some cheating in the heel corner off that. Silver keeps working the ribs and we take a break. Back with Dark Order continuing the double-teaming, as Silver kicks him in the ribs for two. Silver throws some nice kicks to put Cody down, but he fights back with a powerslam and makes the hot tag to Cardona. Missile dropkick sets up the Broski boot, but the Order bails to escape. So Cardona hits Reynolds with a tiger bomb for two. Cody with the springboard cutter on Silver, but Reynolds dumps him and they double-team Cardona. Stunner into a german suplex into a rollup gets two. NOICE. Cody recovers with Crossroads, but Silver blocks and they both hit the floor on a suplex instead. Reynolds tries a rollup on Cardona, but he comes back with the Rough Ryder Radio Silence for the pin at 11:25. This was good! ***1/4 On the way to the back, Scorpio Sky throws down the gauntlet and wants a title match with Cody, so there you go.
Meanwhile, Best Friends are gonna make sure that Santana & Ortiz are gonna PERSONALLY APOLOGIZE to Trent’s mom. On speakerphone.
AEW SUPER WEDNESDAY DEBATE 2020: Orange Cassidy v. Chris Jericho
Featuring special guest moderator…ERIC BISCHOFF?! Jericho is still carrying the orange jacket around with him, and he’s disgusted by Cassidy’s attire. So Orange pulls out a tie and clips it on his t-shirt. Jericho declares him a “ginger jackass who plays pocket pool on a regular basis”, and Orange has nothing to say to that. Who is the biggest star and best wrestler? Don’t make Jericho laugh! He’s the DEMO GOD and Cassidy hasn’t even left Florida! Also he’s a nerd who smells like “salami and Drakar Noir” while Jericho wears $10,000 suits. Nothing to say from Orange on that one either. What about thoughts on global sea levels rising? Jericho has nothing for that one, but Orange reels off a whole speech for a big pop. Why is Orange Cassidy so popular? Jericho thinks he’s a pimple on the ass of pro wrestling and he’s gonna POP him. Finally Orange has had enough to tells Jericho to shut up, then cuts his promo about next week’s match, because he DOES care, and what if Jericho loses to the guy who puts his hands in his pockets? Eric awards the debate to Orange because the global warming answer was the best, but Jericho decides to just kick the shit out of him right now and sends Hager to do the deed. So Jake puts the hands in his pockets and Jericho delivers the Judas Effect as Cassidy sells it like death and Best Friends make the save. I SOOOOOO wish that we had real fans again for this stuff. Next week is gonna be epic.
Dr. Britt Baker announces that her choice of opponent for Big Swole is…Reba?
Big Swole v. Rebel
Swole attacks and lays her out, but Rebel gets a suplex and she’s so excited that she doesn’t even know what to do. Baker orders her to the top for a moonsault, but that goes badly, and Swole finishes her at 1:40 with the spinning elbow. I’m shocked how over this goofy storyline has become and actually given Swole something interesting.
NEXT WEEK: Cody v. Scorpio Sky! Jericho v. Orange Cassidy! Omega & Page v. Jurassics! Dark Order v. Young Bucks! Rock N Roll Express, Tully Blanchard & Arn Anderson!
AEW World title: Jon Moxley v. Darby Allin
Darby’s Moxley mask is the stuff of nightmares, but luckily Mox punches it off his face. Darby slugs back, so Mox beats him down again and adds some nasty chops in the corner before bieling him across the ring. Mox slams him and drops an elbow for two, but Darby tosses him out to the ramp and follows with a dive. They fight up to the entrance tunnel and Moxley HURLS him off the ramp and into the ringpost. HOLY SHIT. We take a break and return with, yes, Darby still breathing and not dead. Darby retreats to the ramp and necks Moxley, and they tumble to the floor, where Allin pounds him with forearms and then hits him with a tope suicida. Back in, he puts Mox’s hand on the ringpost and stomps on it, then slugs away in the ring and follows with a Code Red for two. Darby goes up and Moxley brings him down with a german suplex and both guys are down. This brings Wardlow out to distract the ref, and MJF runs in and knocks Moxley out with the title belt. So I guess he’d rather face Darby. So Darby goes up and hits the Coffin Drop, but that gets two. And now Moxley is our second CRIMSON MASK of the week, and Darby goes for the kill with a shotgun dropkick and stunner to set up a back elbow. He goes up again for another Coffin Drop, but lands in Moxley’s choke and he won’t go down. So Moxley hits a Gotch piledriver instead, but that only gets two. Moxley is losing his mind now, pacing around like a wound up lion, and decides to go nuclear and finishes him off with the Paradigm Shift at 13:21. But it’s the nice story where he respects the kid’s guts and didn’t want to have to drop him on his head until he was left with no choice. This was a really hot main event to cap off an excellent show. ***1/2
Thankfully they came back from last week’s dead crowd and questionable booking and hit a home run. This was a great show and I’m glad I stayed up late to watch it!