The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 07.29.20

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 07.29.20

Live from Jacksonville, FL

Your hosts are Taz, Tony Schiavone & Jim Ross

Chris Jericho, Santana, Ortiz, Jake Hager & Sammy Guevara v. Best Friends, Orange Cassidy, Luchasaurus & Jungle Boy

The fact that Jericho now has “DEMO GOD” in his entrance video is so very tremendous.  Orange wants Jericho to start, but Hager comes in instead and we get the MMA showdown with Cassidy throwing the vicious leg kicks until Hager throws him around.  Cassidy gets a dropkick, but then winds up in the heel corner and gets beaten down as a brawl erupts.  The announcers come to the consensus that Aubrey Edwards has little choice but to wave her arms in response.  The heels get tossed to the floor and Luchasaurus throws Marko at Hager like a lawn dart, but Jake catches him and throws him back.  But then a second toss flattens the pile while Cassidy lounges in the ring and we get a FIVE WAY HUG.  Sammy tries to interrupt and that goes badly for him, as the babyfaces take turns hitting him with splashes in the corner.  But then Trent gets trapped by the heels and worked over, as Santana & Ortiz double-team him for two.  Sammy comes in with a knee to the gut for two and a samoan drop for two, but Trent reverses to a crucifix pin for two.  Hager comes in and gets a hammerlock while Taz and Tony make fun of JR for being old.  Hager cuts off the tag and knocks the faces off the apron, but Trent gets a back suplex and makes the tag to Luchasaurus.  This leads to a HOSS FIGHT with Hager, but the dinosaur mask accidentally gets knocked off and he has to cover up while bringing Orange in. So everyone runs through their big spots bang-bang-bang and Cassidy throws Jericho into the front row.  This leaves Luchasaurus alone with Sammy and he does pretty well, but he goes up and Matt Hardy’s music plays, allowing Matt to sneak up from behind and push Sammy off the top rope, and Luchasaurus gets the pin at 12:12.  Eh, to be honest I was kind of drifting in and out on this one.  It just felt like either complete chaos or minutes of nothing going on with little in between.  **1/2

Meanwhile, Jon Moxley is usually about staying out of other people’s business, but then Cage and Starks had to go and beat up Darby Allin, and now Mox has to step in and take care of business.  He doesn’t start fights.  He FINISHES them.

TNT title:  Cody Rhodes v. Warhorse

Apparently Warhorse weighs 3000 pounds of heavy metal, so hopefully the TNT title has an open weight division.  They trade chops in the corner and Cody gets a rollup, but Warhorse reverses to his own for two.  Warhorse works the arm, and Cody gets frustrated and bails.  Back in, Cody takes him down with a headlock, but Warhorse hits him with a lariat for two.  Cody takes a breather again and we take a break and return with Cody goes after the leg to set up the figure-four, which Warhorse immediately reverses.  Cody makes the ropes, and Warhorse hits him with a corner clothesline and then throws back elbows and a clothesline to put him down.  He goes up and Cody bails again, so Warhorse jumps on his back with a double stomp.  Back in, a flying elbow gets two.  Cody catches him with a rollup for two and goes for another figure-four, but Warhorse cradles for two.  Another cradle gets two.  Cody gets angry and charges again, hitting boot in the corner, but Warhorse hurts his knee and Cody goes right after him with the figure-four.  Warhorse catches the leg and tries to power out, but Cody sinks it in and finishes at 10:36. This was fine.  I don’t really get the hype for Warhorse, though.  ***  This brings out the Dark Order for the attack, but Zack Ryder Matt Cardona makes his debut and saves.  Hey, even if they don’t get much out of him as a wrestler, he’ll pay for himself with the social media and toy videos for them.

The Inner Circle storms out to interrupt Tony, and Jericho is IRATE about various things.  So in two weeks, it’s Jericho v. Orange II, and if Jericho wins, Cassidy has to pay up $7000 to buy a new jacket.  But first, next week is a debate between Jericho and Orange.  And now the jacket kind of smells like “cat pee”.  LIKE CAT PEE, TONY!

Earlier today, FTR sits down with legal representation to sign their AEW contracts officially.  So they bring in their tag team consultant, Arn Anderson, to make sure that a tag team rope is always in effect for them.  And August 12 is TAG TEAM APPRECIATION NIGHT.  So with everything signed, Hangman stops by with celebratory booze, which Arn declines.  To Mid-Atlantic!

AEW World tag team titles:  Hangman Page & Kenny Omega v. The Dark Order (Evil Uno & Stu Grayson)

The Order now has EVIL ANNA JAY, cosplaying Fifty Shades of Grey, as part of the entourage, so good to see she’s out of quarantine.  Although who are the ad wizards that decided covering up her face with a MASK was a good idea?  Sadly, Page “didn’t like the white wrist tape” according to his graphic, so he’s back in black like AC/DC.  Page decides to knuckle up before Omega even makes his entrance, leaving Kenny all confused.  The Dark Order double-team Kenny in the corner with a springboard from Grayson for two.  Kenny fights back with a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker and hits the Krusher into a standing shooting star from Page for two.  They double-team Uno with chops while Colt Cabana sings the praises of the Dark Order on commentary, but he wants to stress he’s just “hanging out” with them.  Page gets sent to the floor and Uno runs him into the post to take over, and back in that gets two.  The best thing about hanging out with Brodie Lee?  Free meals.  “You can’t be one of the boys if you’re turning down free meals.  And Colt is the master of not turning them down.”  Stu with a back elbow and they work Page over in the corner and choke him out.  Uno with a delayed suplex into a high kick from Grayson gets two.  We take a break and return with Kenny making a comeback, but he too gets trapped in the Dark Order corner before coming back with knees on Uno.  Hangman comes in with a german suplex on Uno.  The champs double-team Grayson, but Kenny misses the V-Trigger and Uno puts him down with a big boot.  Swanton from Uno gets two.  Double-team powerbomb gets two, but Page makes the save.  Grayson goes up with a 450 for two while Uno cannonballs Page in the corner to prevent him from saving.  The Order sets up the finish, but Kenny fights out, so Uno hits him with a neckbreaker to put him down again.  Kenny hits a snapdragon, but now Grayson hits him with a flying splash.  Page fights back with a powerbomb on Uno that sets up a V-Trigger from Omega for two.  That sets up the Last Call, and it finishes at 14:00 to retain.  This turned into a really good match, as the Dark Order has really grown into a much better team over the past few months.  ***1/2 So Mr. Brodie Lee sends Colt and Anna to the back, and then once they’re gone, he abuses his losing team while the various Dark Order geeks emerge from the audience for a potential beating.  FTR quickly makes the save while Brodie thanks Kenny for showing up this week.  Now there was some quality sarcasm.

Hikaru Shida v. Diamante

Shida offers a handshake, but Diamante shoves her instead and attacks.  So Shida hits her with knees, but Diamante trades shots with her on the ground.  So they head to the floor and Shida puts her on the railing for the running knee.  Back in with a missile dropkick that gets two, but they slug it out and Diamante escapes the falcon arrow.  They fight to the apron and Diamante necks her on the ropes to take over, and hits a stunner for one.  Diamante with a superkick and a sunset flip for two.  Looks like that was supposed to be a Code Red but they didn’t have room to pull it off.  Shida comes back with a delayed suplex into a Falcon Arrow for two and then finishes with the running knee at 5:53.  This was fine.  **1/4

Meanwhile, Nyla Rose makes her draw for the tag team tournament, ending up with Ariane as a partner, who I guess is the former Cameron from WWE.  That feels like a waste.

MJF joins us for his State of the Industry address, and he accuses people of being afraid of being upstaged.  Also, Moxley might come from a world of TITANS, brother, but he’s not MJF’s champion.  MJF is disgusted by flips and flops and gymnastics in place of good wrestling.  Also, cosplaying as another wrestler is stupid and that’s a STONE COLD fact.  Ouch.  Next, he goes on a rant about he draws better numbers than Moxley.  Also, Moxley is possibly the cause of war, famine and disease, so he should step aside for MJF at All Out.  Spectacular promo from MJF here, just a good old fashioned dickhead heel.

Next week:  Cody & Matt Cardona v. The Dark Order!  More from MJF!  FTR & The Elite v. The Dark Order!  Plus Super Wednesday Debate 2020 with Jericho v. Orange!

Jon Moxley & Darby Allin v. Brian Cage & Ricky Starks

Allin fails to show up, and we head backstage for a promo from the heels.  Starks is a really good promo here, noting that Allin “dresses like Pigpen and wrestles like a crash test dummy”.  But then they make their entrance and Darby dives off the tunnel for his surprise entrance.  And they brawl is on as Cage beats on Moxley outside while Starks clotheslines Allin into the ring.  Darby tries a dive onto Cage, but he gets caught, so Mox adds his own dive.  We take a break and return with Cage suplexing Allin across the ring, and Starks gets two.  Moxley comes back in with a chair, but Cage boots him down.  Starks gets some shots, but Mox puts him down with a cutter and makes a comeback on Cage with a german suplex.  Mox tries the cross armbreaker on Cage, but Starks breaks it up with a dropkick for two.  A trashcan gets involved and the heels hit Moxley with a double slam on it for two, but Allin saves.  He makes the comeback on Cage and dumps Starks, and Moxley hits the DDT on Cage while Allin does a Coffin Drop, and that gets two.  So Darby drops the mangled trashcan on Cage’s injured arm and then finds a thumbtack-covered skateboard under the ring, then rides it onto Starks’ back for the pin at 9:01 while Moxley takes care of Cage.  That one ripped up Ricky’s back, that’s pretty gnarly.  So apparently next week, it’s Darby Allin getting his shot at the AEW World title!  Well that’s interesting.  Wasn’t much to the match but it was a pretty entertaining main event.  ***  Starks in particular showed a lot of poise for someone that young.

Solid storytelling continues as they mix in some new guys while the ratings are up and try to make new stars.  Nothing earth-shaking this week but it’s another consistently entertaining two hours.