The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 07.22.20

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 07.22.20

Taped from Jacksonville, FL

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Jim Ross & Excalibur

TNT title:  Cody Rhodes v. Eddie Kingston

Oh damn!  Kingston is a GREAT pickup for AEW after the end of the NWA.  Kingston cuts a tremendous bitter promo on Cody about how he’s “grinded” for years, and then challenges him to a no-DQ match because either he’s “an egg sucking dog or an egg sucking bitch”.  They immediately fight on the floor and trade dirty shots, and back in for some chops from Eddie in the corner.  Cody dodges a backfist and puts him on the floor with a disaster kick, and he follows with a tope and a missile dropkick.  Since it’s no DQ, it’s time for the weight belt to come off, but Eddie kicks him low and steals the belt for some punishment with that.  He sets up for a piledriver on the concrete, but Cody backdrops out of it.  Back into the ring, Eddie hits him with a hard clothesline and a backdrop driver, and we get some DIRTY BOXING in the corner.  Kingston boots him in the head and tells him to stay down, but that doesn’t happen, so Kingston chinlocks him and then beats on him with crossfaces on the ropes.  Cody fights back, but Kingston hits him with another clothesline and wraps him up with a stretch plum.  Cody fights up again and they trade strikes, but Eddie hooks him with a guillotine as JR tells a great story about Eddie needing the job to pay his mortgage, which totally fits with his street-level cred.  Cody gets all fired up and takes out Kingston’s knee, but Eddie goes low again before making the fatal error of pointing to his head to indicate intelligence.  DDT and he finds a bag of thumbtacks under the ring.

Cody escapes those and throws chops, but Kingston powerbombs him onto the tacks in a sick spot.  This is pretty intense for a random show-opening match.  Cody blocks out the pain and comes back with a leg lariat, but Kingston fights out of a figure-four, so Cody slaps him around and gets a second one, while they lay in the thumbtacks!  And that finally puts Kingston away at 11:20.  Damn that was quite the opener!  ***1/2   Kingston is a great talker and a guy who can get himself over immediately, but he’s on the high end of the age range and I don’t know that he’s a long-term solution for anything.

(At this point in viewing the show, my fucking AC unit decided to quit, in 100 degree F heat no less.  So I had to take an extended break and disassemble THAT to fix it so we don’t die of heatstroke over night.  But luckily the one thing I know about fixing AC units worked yet again, so on with the show in reasonable temperatures again.) 

Meanwhile, Moxley has respect for Taz as a manager because Cage was “this close to broken tendons, the good painkillers, the whole nine yards” and Taz wisely through in the towel.  Because next time, he’s not letting go.

MJF v. Griff Garrison

MJF offers Griff a chance to talk about “Jungle Man”, but Griff gets all butthurt about MJF getting his name wrong.  Hey, it worked for Pineapple Pete.  Griff brings up MJF’s loss in the tag team match, so that goes badly for him as MJF lays him out and tosses him into the corner for some choking.  MJF with an overhead suplex and we take a break and return quickly with MJF tossing him into the railing outside.  MJF stops to cut a promo and apologize for his previous behavior, because he was upset at the fake news about him losing in that tag team match.  Because it was Wardlow who lost.  So MJF demands that Griff call him undefeated, but Griff agrees to that and hits MJF with the microphone and gets a rollup for two.  But then MJF finishes him off with the draping piledriver at 4:00 anyway.  This was fun.  *

Meanwhile, Tony wants to chat with Rebel about Britt’s recovery, but the Doctor cuts them off and wants to talk about herself.  She’s prepping for the greatest comeback in sports!  Like Michael Jordan with the Wizards!  Tony points out that the Wizards never even made the playoffs, and Rebel adds that MJ beat the Mon-Stars in Space Jam, and she saw the movie “like 19 times”.

Brian Cage and Taz join us, and Taz points out that Cage would never ever tap, and he didn’t tap.  This brings out Darby Allin, but Ricky Starks nails him from behind and Cage powerbombs Darby on the stage and then into the ring.  Cage and Starks prepare to smash the skateboard on his head, but Moxley appears from the crowd and saves with a barbed wire baseball bat.

This summer:  The Women’s Tag Team Tournament!  That should be fun.

Meanwhile, Jericho is still salty about his $7000 jacket being RUINED by Orange Cassidy.  He still smells like orange juice!

The Young Bucks v. The Butcher and The Blade

This is falls count anywhere, so the Bucks meet them back in the kitchen and we’re off.  Nick dives onto Butcher, but gets dropped onto Blade’s knee and Butcher slams him on the table for two.  Matt saves by throwing sliced meat at them, but they suplex him on another table for two.  They head out to the concourse, but Blade charges on a metal cart and hits the pole.  Everyone slugs it out and Matt gets thrown into the back of a truck, which has a sign featuring “Mud Show Tonight!” That’s amazing.  Matt recovers with a crazy dive out of the truck and onto the evil meatcutters.  They fight to the cocktail lounge and Matt does a senton onto Butcher with a metal pan, and then Blade gets superkicked onto the escalator for a hilarious visual as it carries him upstairs.  We take a break and return with the Bucks double-teaming Butcher at ringside, but he fights them off as Blade makes his return with a chair.  They toss Nick into the front row and try to powerbomb Matt through a table, but Matt fights back with a stunner on Blade while Nick hits Butcher with a dive off the railing.  They try to suplex Butcher through a table, but he suplexes them both.  Blade tries a dive and nearly knocks himself silly on the table.  The Bucks double-team Butcher in the ring and throw kicks in the corner, into the bulldog/dropkick combo for two.  Matt with the Sharpshooter, but Blade makes the save and suplexes Nick onto the top rope.  Back to the ramp and they hit Matt with a double-team neckbreaker out there.  The Bucks recover and set up another pair of tables at the entrance, which means it’s time for SUPERKICK PARTY to put them on the tables, and both Bucks climb up on top of the tunnels and hit stereo elbows through the tables to finish at 16:10.  Just a fun, crazy Attitude Era brawl.  ****

Meanwhile, Lance Archer is sick of stupid questions and beats up some geek backstage to prove it.

Diamante v. Ivelisse

They slug it out in the corner and Ivelisse takes her down with an armdrag, but Diamante comes back with a rana and an elbow in the corner while we get an inset promo from Swole.  Ivelisse heads to the floor to escape, and they slug it out on the floor.  Back to the apron and Ivelisse kicks her back into the ring for two.  They trade chinlocks and slug it out, but Diamante gets a german suplex for two.  Ivelisse goes for the finish, but Diamante gets a cradle for the pin at 6:33.  This one was kind of a slog.  *

Hangman Page v. Alan Angels

Angels is now “5” as a part of the Dark Order.  Page is “Gonna See How This White Wrist Tape Works Out” according to his graphic.  Well, good luck with that.  Page beats on him with chops and puts him down with a big boot, then follows with a snap suplex for two.  He dumps Angels to the apron and boots him off into the railing, and then drops him on it for good measure.  This brings out the Dark Order as we take a break.  Back with Angels trying a moonsault, but he hits knee and Page makes a comeback.  Angels throws kicks, but walks into a grumpy lariat from Hangman.  He follows with the fallaway slam and adds a discus elbow for two.  Powerbomb finishes at 7:30.  This brings out Mr. Brodie Lee, who points out that Page is clearly in immediate danger and there’s no tag team partner to help him.  So Lee makes an offer of assistance, but Page isn’t sure if he’s ready to join a cult right now.  So Brodie escorts his young student Colt Cabana away from the area and leaves the rest of the Dark Order to attack, until FTR saves with a cooler of beer.  And Kenny is the last guy out, while Page accepts a handshake from FTR and shares a beer.  Just a normal squash for Page but they’re putting in the work with the FTR storyline.

NEXT WEEK:  Page & Omega defend the tag titles against the Dark Order!  Shida v. Diamante!  Hey, logical booking with the winner of a match getting a big match with the champion, how about that?  Allin & Moxley v. Cage & Starks!  Cody defends his belt again!

Coming August 3:  AEW Unrivaled figures.  I’m still not convinced that they’re actually coming to Walmart in Canada, so if the PR guys are reading then PLEASE SEND THEM TO ME FOR REVIEW!

Chris Jericho & Jake Hager v. Luchasaurus & Jungle Boy

Jericho beats on JB in the corner to start, and we get the slugfest between Hager and the dinosaur.  They trade kicks and Hager grabs the ankle and tries to go with the anklelock, but Lucha fights him off, so the Inner Circle double-teams him in their corner and they go to work on the knee.  Over to Jungle Boy and he hits Jericho with a dropkick and a rana for two, then stops to dive onto Santana and Ortiz and springboards in with a DDT on Jericho for two.  Marko comes in with a flying rana on Jericho and JB rolls him up for two.  But then Jericho lays him out and we take a break.  Back with Jericho trying a superplex, but JB fights him off with a crossbody for two.  Over to Hager, who overpowers Jungle Boy and works the arm, but Jericho grabs the baseball bat and gets into a shoving match with Aubrey over it. Jericho with a back suplex, but JB rolls him up for two.  Hager cuts off the tag and beats on JB with knees on the ropes before going to a chinlock, but Jungle Boy fights out and hits a double DDT on the heels.  Hot tag Luchasaurus and he’s bleeding from his favorite ear from something, but he still runs wild with kicks.  Marko comes in again with a missile dropkick and Luchasaurus boots Jericho down for two, and a spinkick gets two.  LAX runs interference and JB gets rid of them, but Serpentico comes out of the audience and hits Luchasaurus with the bat for the pin at 16:48.  And then he unmasks to reveal…Sammy Guevara.  The beatdown is on, but Best Friends and Orange Cassidy make the save, which apparently sets up our main event for next week.  I wasn’t really feeling the tag match as everyone seemed kind of tired, but the big reveal of Sammy at the end was a nice payoff.  ***

Another good, logical week with a crazy falls count anywhere match and a fun reveal of Eddie Kingston as the newest AEW guy.