The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 06.10.20
Live from Jacksonville, FL
Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Jim Ross & Excalibur, with special guest LE CHAMPION!
The Butcher & The Blade v. FTR
The Bunny remains conspicuous by her absence from the team. Tony and Jericho are immediately on fire here, discussing whether “yellowjackets” are anything like Monster Energy with respect to FTR supposedly driving from Nashville to Jacksonville for the show. Dax locks up with Blade in the corner to start and then takes him down with a headlock. They slug it out and Dax gets a rollup for two and a small package for two. Over to Wheeler (Jericho: “This is like your birthday, JR! You can’t believe it, they’re actually TAGGING! I’m gonna buy you a Moscow Mule to celebrate or something.”) The teams square off with a staredown in the ring and reconvene in their corners, but Butcher gets distracted by Dax and allows Cash to attack from behind and hits some forearms and a dropkick. Cash sadly lands on his shoulder and injures himself, but then reveals he was ACTING and rolls up Butcher for two. Wheeler gets caught in the BB corner and choked out, which Jericho is a fan of. It’s a good MEAT AND POTATOES match, Tony! Blade takes Wheeler down with a chinlock, but he escapes with a jawbreaker and then hits a powerslam and makes the hot tag to Dax. Harwood snaps off a back suplex and follows with a neckbreaker on Blade, and a brainbuster (Jericho: “He’s hearkening back to the Brainbusters by giving him a brainbuster!”) and FTR puts Blade on top and follows with a POWERPLEX for two. Now there’s a deep cut. They all brawl and Blade rolls up Harwood for two, into a spinning slam from Butcher for two. But then FTR hits the sloppy Shatter Machine (now called the Good Night Express) and finish with a SPIKE PILEDRIVER at 10:23. GODDAMN. Tremendous opening match, exactly what I love about tag team wrestling. ***1/2
The Young Bucks come out to congratulate FTR for the big win, but they’re offended that FTR never actually introduced themselves. So Matt does a pissy introduction of himself as the saviors of tag team wrestling who have been carrying it for years, at which point Butcher attacks and FTR chases him off. This turns into a showdown with the Elite and Sabian/Havoc before everyone calms down.
Meanwhile, Dustin and QT chat with Dascha backstage, and they’ve got a shot at the tag team titles next week. But QT is all distracted by Allie, who is apparently no longer a bunny, and Dustin promises that she won’t be at ringside next week. Man, what’s Dustin’s problem? Let QT sow his wild oats!
Penelope Ford & Nyla Rose v. Kris Statlander & Hikaru Shida
Thankfully, Jericho still hates Pineapple Pete and gets all excited when Statlander boops him on the way and hopes that she knocks him out. Big brawl to start and the heels double-team Statlander, but Nyla gets sent into Ford to take her out. Statlander gets a low dropkick on Rose for two and the faces double-team her in the corner before Nyla clotheslines both of them and gets two on Statlander. She drops a leg and we take a break, expertly thrown by Jericho, and return with Statlander flipping out of a wristlock and hitting an enzuigiri. Both sides tag and Shida backdrops Ford onto the top rope and follows with a high knee to put her on the apron. Running knee out there and she goes up with a missile dropkick and follows with a suplex for two. Statlander comes in for a double team atomic drop and standing moonsault for two, but Ford gets a DDT for two. Ford gets a Matrix Stunner as it’s BONZO GONZO and Rose heads to the top, but Shida brings her down with a superplex into Statlander’s axe kick for two. Shida tries a falcon arrow, but Rose reverses out and puts her on the top rope, along with Statlander, which gives us the double guillotine legdrop. That was a bit labored as far as setup goes. Statlander pulls out Ford and Shida brings her in for a falcon arrow to do the deal, but it only gets two, and then Ford hits Shida with the belt and PINS HER with the fisherman’s suplex at 10:00?! Well that’s unexpected. **1/2
Meanwhile, Darby Allin skates with Tony Hawk and tries to skateboard off a ladder, missing many times before finally hitting it. Cool guy, Tony Hawk.
Meanwhile, Dr. Britt Baker DMD continues to inspire us, despite all the challenges thrown her way in her life. Like a microbiology exam she forgot to study for, for example.
Jake Hager, Santana & Ortiz v. Best Friends & Orange Cassidy
The Inner Circle attacks to start and Hager lays out Cassidy on the ramp. Santana beats on Trent in the corner and blocks a tornado DDT with a kick to the face, but Chuck makes a blind tag and everyone fights to the floor as Chuck hits a dive. Jericho is very offended by this (“He doesn’t even have a last name! He used to have one but then he lost it in a poker game or something”) but the Circle double-teams Chuck in their corner as we take a break. Back with Trent hitting his tornado DDT on Ortiz and it’s HOT TAG to Orange, as he runs wild with shin kicks on Jake and then hits Santana & Ortiz with an incredible double rana. Flying bodypress on Ortiz and swinging DDT on Santana. Finally he walks into a slam from Hager that gets two, ending his path of meh. Hager clotheslines Trent to the floor and the Circle works on Orange, with Santana freshly squeezing Orange with a cannonball. (“You know what cannonball is in Spanish, Excalibur?” “Please tell me.” “…I don’t know.”) But then Orange gets a crucifix on Ortiz for the pin at 10:12. Just a standard tag match. **1/4 So the Inner Circle proceed with the beatdown, busting Orange open with the bat, and then Jericho pulls out a 20 pound bag of Florida oranges and smashes it over Cassidy’s head. You could say he was beaten to a pulp. Jericho then offers his own action hero one-liner: “Orange Cassidy has just been juiced”. That was definitely a unique way to get heat on someone.
MJF stops by for an interview with Tony at ringside (while Tony makes fun of him behind his back) complaining about being a big fish in the small pond, and then runs into Billy Gunn and gets a sick burn by noting Gunn had been “too busy trying to get more of his scumbag no-talent sons” a job to pose any challenge.
Sammy Guevara v. Colt Cabana
They trade middle fingers to start and Colt puts him down with a chop and follows with a flying headscissor takedown before going to an armbar. Sammy dumps him and follows with a dive as we take a break. Back with Sammy doing squats with Colt on his back, but Colt puts him down with an elbow. Colt scoots away from a top rope attempt by Sammy and makes the comeback with elbows before going up with a splash for two. Sammy tries a springboard and gets caught and slammed into a moonsault for two. They fight to the top, but Colt slips on the top and Sammy brings him down with a GTS for the pin at 6:30. Nothing much to this one. *1/2 This brings out the Dark Order, complete with Uno and Grayson, and Mr. Brodie Lee offers Colt a hand up and then leaves. But then Sammy goes to celebrate and gets interrupted by Matt Hardy, who respects Sammy’s moxie. He advises Sammy to get away from the Inner Circle, but Sammy can’t really trust someone who has attempted to murder him via golf cart on multiple occasions. So Matt goes nuts and cycles through various identities. OK then.
Meanwhile, Joey Janela laments his career path in a bar, but then walks the streets and gets picked up by Sonny Kiss. TO BE CONTINUED. OK, well not exactly an edge of my seat cliffhanger there.
Meanwhile, Colt Cabana goes to see the Dark Order after all.
Next week: Billy (of the Gunn Club) v. MJF! Omega & Page v. Dustin & QT! Cody defends the TNT title against someone! Le Sex Gods v. Best Friends for the tag team title shot! Young Bucks v. The Superbad Death Squad! That’s an awesome tag team name.
Jon Moxley gets stopped in the parking lot by Marvez, and Jon is so injured that it hurts to sit on the toilet, but now it just means he’s all good and pissed off and ready to pop Brian Cage’s head like a pimple. This naturally brings out Cage and Taz, and Cage smashes him into a car and throws him onto the rear windshield.
TNT Championship: Cody Rhodes v. Marq Quen
They slug it out with forearms to start and Cody takes him down for an armbar, but Quen gets a standing moonsault for two and then blocks a disaster kick with a dropkick for one. Cody kicks him down for two and then wraps him up in the surfboard and we take a break. We return with Cody working the leg, but Quen gets fired up until Cody kicks his leg out from under his leg. Cody hauls him to the top and brings him down with a superplex, but Quen gets a moonsault press out of the corner while selling the knee. But then he still hits a standing shooting star for two. Might wanna change up the offense while you’re selling, buddy. Quen spins into a DDT for two and Cody bails to the floor to regroup, but Quen hits him with a dive that kind of peters out. So he goes and hits another one as it’s getting increasingly ridiculous that someone with a serious ankle injury would be bouncing and jumping all over the ring like this. And then Quen hits a Fosbury Flop and back in for two. Quen is an amazing athlete but he’s just all over the place in the ring. Quen goes up while Cody rolls to the ramp to escape, so Quen hits him with a 450 to the ramp. Back in, Quen goes up and misses a shooting star press, and Cody puts him in an anklelock and taps him out at 10:44. See, now this is exactly the sort of thing you can actually point to when people complain about flips and dives with no meaningful story being told. If you’re supposed to have a crippled ankle then don’t be doing literal gymnastics for the entire match! *
And we close with Jake Hager coming out to offer his challenge to Cody for Fyter Fest, by attacking Arn Anderson and then hitting Cody with a spinebuster. The Hardy Party makes the save and we get a big brawl with them against the Inner Circle to end the show. Kind of a flat finish but it did the job.
Felt like this week’s episode kind of died off when Le Champion left the commentary booth and I wasn’t really feeling Cody v. Quen as a main event. Just kind of a weak filler episode this week.