Mike Reviews: ECW Hardcore TV #371 – 03/06/2000

Hello You!

There’s a shedload of horrible stuff going on in the real world right now, so let’s distract ourselves for a brief moment with some ECW Hardcore TV.

Stay safe out there and look after one another.

This week’s matches were taped from Toledo, Ohio

Calling the action is Joey Styles

We open up with Cyrus telling Scotty Anton that he’s got a gimmick now, so he doesn’t need to wrestle to get over anymore. That gimmick is that he has the clap. By which I mean he claps a lot. What did you think I meant? Oh get your minds out of the gutter!

Joey is in front of the ECW Banner, where he says that tonight it’s Justin Credible Vs Jerry Lynn!

Opening Match
Chilly Willy Vs Chris Hamrick

Hamrick is making his debut here and doesn’t have a gimmick yet. He looks like a skinnier poor man’s Kid Kash at the moment. They do the usual gimmick of Chilly being announced as being from where the show is taking place. Hamrick jumps Chilly from behind to start us out, but Chilly fights back with usual babyface offence like arm drags and back body drops. Hamrick replies by slamming him down and heading up top for a nice leg drop, but he waits too long to cover and Chilly kicks out.

Hamrick takes a ludicrous bump where he tries to attack Chilly, only to miss and go flying through the middle rope tailbone first onto the concrete floor. That was insane! Chilly gets a Falcon Arrow back inside and that’s enough for a three count and a pop from the crowd.

WINNER: CHILLY WILLY
RATING: *

Just a short TV match to give Chilly a win. It was fine for what it was.

Simon Diamond and Johnny Swinger are backstage. Simon gets embarrassed by his usual gang of idiots.

Joey says that Simon and Swinger will make their debut tonight against Danny Doring and Roadkill, in a match exclusive to Hardcore TV.

We then get clips of Dawn Marie and her many sexy outfits.

Match Two
Simon Diamond and Johnny Swinger w/ Mitch, The Musketeer, The Prodigy and Prodigette Vs Danny Doring and Roadkill

The Simon circus wouldn’t be long for the world, as they’d eventually try to give him and Swinger more of a serious edge. Simon grabs a mic and berates the faces before the match starts, which leads to them attacking both him and Swinger. Doring and Roadkill clear the ring and both go for dives, but a Prodigy low blow puts the kibosh on Roadkill’s attempt and allows for the heels to cut Doring off.

Simon and Swinger clearly are still trying to find their groove as a tag team, but you can see that they have potential and the heat segment is fine, if overly short. Doring manages to catch Simon with a jaw breaker and tags in Roadkill, who runs wild on the heels. Mitch tries to help out his team, but Roadkill promptly takes him out with a suplex. Prodigy and Prodigette try it next, but the faces foil them, ditto for Musketeer. This allows Swinger to come in and hit Roadkill with a chair, but he shrugs it off pretty quickly and the faces finish Swinger with the Buggy Bang (Modified Sidewinder)

WINNERS: DANNY DORING AND ROADKILL
RATING: *1/2

This was also too short and fell apart a bit in the closing stages.

We get a Sandman video package, which leads to a promo from Cyrus and Rhino. Cyrus says that Sandman will not stop The Network and Rhino mocks him over what he did to his wife Lori.

Lou E. Dangerously, Beautiful Billy, CW Anderson and Elektra cut a promo on Nova and Chris Chetti. Elektra keeps wanting to show off her skimpy bikini but CW and Billy aren’t down with that. Eventually she does so though.

Main Event
ECW Title
Champ: Justin Credible w/ Francine Vs Jerry Lynn

Lynn defeated Rob Van Dam at Hardcore Heaven to earn this shot. Paul Heyman cuts a remote promo prior to the match starting, saying that if anyone from The Network interferes in this match then he will pull ECW off TNN and dares Cyrus to call his bluff. I thought the whole idea of the feud was that Cyrus was threatening to take them off the air and that’s why Paul and ECW had to do things against their will? Joey pushes on commentary that rumours abound that Jerry Lynn is going to join The Network. The WWF was openly negotiating with TNN during this period, which is probably what has gotten Paul’s dander up.

COMMERCIAL

Back from the ads, Justin Credible is cutting a promo in the ring, insulting the crowd. These two almost always have good matches together, and they start this one out with some nice technical chain wrestling. Outside of the way he hits the ropes, Jerry Lynn is a mechanically sound wrestler and Credible is decent also, so the action is fun, with Lynn getting the better of things until Francine distracts him. Lynn deals with her but it allows Credible to get a super kick for the cut off. It looks like Credible is bleeding too, which could be part of the match or an incident of fortuitous juice.

Credible works some heat on Lynn, which works in getting the crowd to chant for the challenger. Credible works a chin lock and then cuts off a Lynn comeback attempt with a Boss Man Slam of all things. Credible just doesn’t “feel” like a Main Eventer, and this match feels more like a mid-card one, even though the work has been good for the most part and Lynn is definitely capable of working in a Main Event slot with the right guy. Lynn tries making sporadic comebacks, but Credible manages to cut him off each time and eventually brings a table into the ring.

Credible tries to suplex Lynn through the table, but Lynn ends up giving him a hip toss through it to pop the crowd. The table basically disintegrated upon impact, which isn’t always good as it could lead to issues with the shards breaking off. Indeed, Finlay lost close to 5 years of his career due to a table shard slicing up his leg. The referee gets squished in the corner and thus isn’t there to count the pin when Lynn gets a Cradle Piledriver. Francine tries to come into the ring, but Lynn spanks her in response. Credible makes the save for his manager and gets a Tombstone for the three count

WINNER AND STILL CHAMPION: JUSTIN CREDIBLE
RATING: **3/4

Credible is trying hard, but he just isn’t the right guy for this role. The match worked well enough, but I’ve yet to see a bad match between these two.

Joey has to sell that match as World Class, even though it featured Credible and Francine cheating out the wazoo.

Cyrus comes on to the show next to cut a promo via phone. Sadly the sound quality is terrible, so it’s hard to make out what he’s saying. He does say that Lynn didn’t win because it was Hardcore TV and not on TNN, and that he’ll make sure Lynn does win the belt on TNN once he joins The Network. Joey then acts as Paul’s avatar by complaining about Cyrus before storming off.

In Conclusion

Paul Heyman turning the show into a vehicle for him to vent his spleen about how much he hated the television network his show happened to be on might have been therapeutic for him, but it’s starting to get a bit tiresome as a storyline and is basically just a way for ECW to do the old hat “Heel Authority Figure” gimmick, which just made their show feel like WCW or the WWF.

Credible is starting to drown as World Champ too, even though both he and the promotion are working hard to try and get him to that level. The Lynn angle adds some intrigue to things, especially as he’s been acting more heelish recently, but they need to be careful of not milking it for too long. Eventually we need to know what side he’s on, and hopefully we find out before Heatwave.

Speaking of Heatwave, they probably need to get some matches on the docket, especially as they haven’t done a great job hyping up the last two pay per view events.

Overall this was another show you could miss as it didn’t really advance anything, but it wasn’t awful or anything.