The SmarK Rant for WWE Network Old School – Boston Garden 02.07.87

The SmarK Rant for WWE Network Old School – Boston Garden 02.07.87

Kind of assuming most of this was on Prime Time around this time, but we’ll give it a look.

Taped from Boston, MA

Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Killer Ken Resnick

Hercules Hernandez v. Billy Jack Haynes

Bobby Heenan brings out Mr. Wonderful to “observe the match” although Gorilla is pretty sure that he’s not going to be allowed to stay.  And indeed, Orndorff leaves of his own volition, since he’s not dressed to work anyway.  Billy Jerk attacks to start and chops Hercules to the floor while Bobby joins the commentary team and Gorilla immediately confronts him about Andre.  Haynes slugs away in the corner and gets a hooking clothesline, but Herc comes out of the corner with his own clothesline.  Herc chokes him out on the ropes and pounds away with elbows while Bobby returns to annoy the announcers and reveals that in fact Hogan called Andre a “freak” behind his back.  No wonder he turned on Hulk and ripped off the cross!  I told you Hulk got everything that he deserved.  Herc pounds away in the corner and chokes Haynes down while Gorilla denies that Andre ever asked for a title shot.  So top contenders have to ASK for shots?  The man was unbeaten for decades!  What kind of bribery is going on in Jack Tunney’s office?  Herc goes to a bearhug and that goes nowhere while Gorilla tells an obviously FALSE story about Andre telling him that he didn’t want the WWF title.  I can’t believe Gorilla would stoop to these untruths and slander to cover for that chump Hogan.  They trade clotheslines and both guys are down for the double count, but Herc slugs away on him and follows with a slam.  They slug it out and Billy makes the comeback and puts him down with an elbow.  Press slam sets up the full nelson, but Bobby takes the ref while Paul Orndorff returns from the back, comes off the top rope onto Billy Jack, and puts Herc on top for the pin at 10:30.  Ah, the ol’ Chekhov’s Orndorff finish.  Just a match.  **

The Hart Foundation v. The Fabulous Rougeau Brothers

The Harts are fresh off winning the tag team titles, but this is non-title.  The Harts do a funny bit to start with Bret “holding back” Anvil from rushing over and attacking the Rougeaus because he just wants the fight so bad!  Raymond starts with Bret and the Hitman is immediately claiming a hairpull on the ropes.  So Bret wants a test of strength with Raymond and takes him down with a wristlock, but Raymond fires back with armdrags and brings Bret to the French corner, where Jacques dropkicks Bret from behind into Raymond’s slam for two.  Bret bails and regroups with Anvil on the floor while Resnick complains about the Harts wearing pink tights.  What’s wrong with pink tights?  Anvil pulls down the straps to show he means business, and Jacques decides to slam him and is unable to do so.  His name is literally THE ANVIL!  Why would you even try?  Neidhart gets his own slam and now the Rougeaus think it over, and this time he whips Anvil into the ropes first and uses a powerslam instead.  OK, I’ll give him that one.  The Rougeaus double-team Neidhart for a bit, but Raymond gets dropped on the top rope and the Harts go to work.  Anvil gets a slam for two but picks him up, and Bret comes in but misses the blind charge, hitting the turnbuckles for his signature bump.  But then Anvil puts Bret on top anyway for two.  Ray tries a rollup, but Bret grabs the ropes, so Raymond dropkicks him to the floor and makes the hot tag to Jacques.  Jacques runs wild and goes up with a fistdrop for two.  Sleeper on Bret in the middle, but Anvil breaks that up and it’s BREAKING LOOSE IN TULSA.  The Harts get whipped into each other and Anvil hits the floor, which allows the Rougeaus to hit the backflip senton on Bret for the pin at 11:44.  This was a solid tag team match, although of course the Harts are doing jobs right away after winning the belts.  ***1/4

Ricky Steamboat v. Sika

Sika attacks in the corner and chases Ricky to the floor, but Dragon fights back in with chops until Sika rakes the eyes and tosses him to the floor again.  Back in, Sika with a chop to put him down and chokes away in the corner, but Steamboat fights back with more chops until Sika hits him in the injured larynx!  That’s low.  Steamboat of course sells like he’s been stabbed in the face with a rusty knife, and Sika goes to a chinlock, but Steamboat fights back with his own shot to the throat, and then goes up with the double chop while the cops rush out to arrest some idiot in the crowd, and Steamboat gets a rollup off a missed charge to finish at 4:04.  *1/2

Dino Bravo v. SD Jones

Really?  We’ve got an hour to work with on this edit and THIS made the cut?  SD stupidly attacks Johnny V instead of Bravo, which allows Dino to lay him out from behind for two.  Atomic drop gets two.  SD comes back with slams and Dino bails while Johnny V puts over the fur coat that Dino supposedly bought for him. Hopefully it wasn’t paid for in cigarette money.  I’ve heard those guys get REALLY touchy if you skim off the top.  Back in, SD gets an atomic drop while Johnny claims that Demolition answered a newspaper ad in USA Today to join up with his stable.  Also, he claims that Dino Bravo is “a young guy” in his late 20s.  “Yeah, VERY late 20s!” notes Resnick.  SD works the arm, but he misses a blind charge and Dino puts him down with an inverted atomic drop and then throws him out.  Johnny adds a slam out there and Dino suplexes him back in for two.  Gut wrench slam gets two.  Bravo with the Boston crab and he’s horrible at it.  You know why?  Of course you know why.  I shouldn’t even have to say it.  SD escapes and makes a half-assed comeback with punches in the corner, but OF COURSE he misses a charge like a doofus and Bravo puts him away with the sideslam at 7:30.  ½*

Lumberjack match, Intercontinental title:  Randy Savage v. Bruno Sammartino

This is a pretty sparsely attended lumberjack match, with basically Ricky Steamboat and then a bunch of geeks.  And then people who are sub-geek level, like Dino Bravo and Frenchy Martin.  Savage attacks to start because Bruno won’t put Liz in danger, but he goes up and Bruno catches him coming down.  So Savage runs away and gets thrown in again right away.  Bruno beats on him in the corner and Savage slides out again, but they toss him right back in and Bruno continues whipping his ass.  Savage goes for the foreign object and uses it to take over.  This time Bruno gets tossed and the heels get some cheapshots on him, and Savage hits him with a double axehandle on the way back into the ring, for two.  Elbow drop gets two.  They collide and Bruno falls out on the heel side again, but this time he beats on the geek heels and makes his own comeback in the ring.  He runs Savage from post to post and then throws him right out for the Dragon to get some free shots.  Back in, Bruno gets the bearhug, but King Kong Bundy runs in for the DQ at 4:19 and PANDEMONIUM HAS BROKEN LOOSE.  And yeah, everyone fights to the back, leaving Bruno and Steamboat to stand tall.  Fun but way too short.  **1/2

This was a reasonably fun show but nothing really worth going out of your way to see.