The SmarK Rant for WWE Network Old School – 04.26.86
I really enjoyed the 85 Boston show on the Network, so let’s give another one of the one-hour shows a look.
Taped from Boston, MA
Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Lord Alfred Hayes
So we are of course shortly after Wrestlemania 2 at this point.
Danny Spivey v. Magnificent Muraco
Alfred notes that Muraco is “always the #1 contender at any given time for any title you would care to mention”. Even the Women’s one? Because I’d have some questions about that. At any rate, “World spaghetti eating champion” was likely the only title he was contending for at this point. Muraco offers a very earnest handshake but Spivey wisely declines it. Alfred shares his recollection of seeing Muraco in Florida years ago and thinking he’d be a future World. Which hasn’t happened yet, but “he’s so, so very close now.” Yeah, opening a house show against a failed tag team wrestler, that’s really knocking on Hogan’s door there. Muraco does some histrionics and runs away, as Spivey slams him for a brief offensive flurry before Muraco retreats again. Back in, he tries a headlock and they actually do a criss-cross, which allows Spivey to get another slam. Muraco hides in the corner and Spivey yanks him out by the feet. Alfred: “Mr. Fuji looking worried, quite a look of concern on his oriental face.” Very profound. Finally Muraco goes with a cheapshot to the gut and tosses Spivey to the floor, then runs him into two of the barricades to take over. Back in, Muraco comes off the top with a clubbing forearm and follows with a suplex for two. Spivey staggers to his feet and Muraco clobbers from behind with a forearm that Gorilla calls the “Asian Spike”, although it definitely was not that particular move. Spivey makes a comeback with a clothesline for two. Dropkick sends Muraco over the top and right onto Nelson Sweglar, and SWEGLAR IS DOWN. They fight over a suplex on the apron and Spivey brings him in with that, but Muraco hooks him in a cradle and grabs the tights for the pin at 9:10. And the idiot ref was looking right at the tights, too! What a miscarriage of justice. Pretty good match, though. **3/4
Davey Boy Smith & Pedro Morales v. The Dream Team
So this was one of the times where Dynamite Kid was injured, I’m assuming, resulting in Pedro playing his part on the evening. Davey actually had an interesting run of substitute partners around this time, like Hillbilly Jim, Haku, B. Brian Blair and a couple of others. The announcers note that Kid had to rush to England for a serious family illness, but I’m dubious on that explanation for some reason. Mostly because that would require Kid giving a shit about another human being. Davey trades wristlocks with Hammer and gets a sunset flip for two while Alfred notes that Beefcake has “really come into his own” as a part of the team and “is now judged to be the better of the two.” At what, cutting hair? Because at this point he was still the third-best worker in the tag team, which is including Johnny V. Brutus comes in and tries a facelock on Davey, but Smith puts him on the top rope and paintbrushes him a bit. Over to Pedro, who comes in and has HOT LATIN BLOOD as he gets some offense on Beefcake. But can he write a fiery Salsa to get the best revenge? Beefcake stops for some advice from Johnny V, and that advice? “Just agree with everything Hogan says and does forever.” Beefcake charges Pedro and knocks Valentine off the apron by mistake instead, and then Hammer comes in and accidentally hits Beefcake in return. Finally Beefcake gets a cheapshot and beats Morales down, and Hammer comes in with an elbow off the middle for two. Greg drops the Hammer for two. The Dream Team takes turns headbutting Pedro in the general groinal area while Johnny V stops by the desk for a funny exchange with Gorilla.
Gorilla: “Can I give you a word of advice?”
Gorilla: “Keep away from the ring and mind your own business!”
Johnny: “I don’t like the way you said that to me, Gorilla!”
The Dream team continues double-teaming Pedro with nothing particularly exciting and Valentine works the leg to set up the figure-four, but Pedro kicks out of it to block. Hot tag Davey Boy and he runs wild with a clothesline on Valentine and the mandated double noggin knocker, followed by a delayed suplex on Valentine for two. Small package gets two. He sets up the powerslam to finish but everyone runs in and it’s BONZO GONZO. The heels get rammed together again and Davey goes up to finish, but Johnny shoves him off onto the ol’ veg and two bits and Valentine gets the pin at 13:00. Totally cromulent tag team match with Pedro getting old school heat. **1/2
Jimmy Jack Funk, Hoss Funk & Jimmy Hart v. Junkyard Dog, Ricky Steamboat & The Haiti Kid
We get various wacky shenanigans to start, with Haiti stealing the cowboy hat from Jimmy Jack. Steamboat gets caught in the heel corner and fights his way out while Jimmy Hart wisely runs to a neutral corner. Dragon with a sunset flip on Jimmy Jack for two and he slams the Funks and goes after Jimmy, but the Funks pull him out of the ring in the nick of time. More wacky stuff with Haiti chasing Jimmy Hart around as we’re nearly 8:00 into this with basically nothing happening so far. Steamboat works on Jimmy Jack’s arm and Dog comes in with a clothesline out of the corner, and Haiti gets a chop on him from the corner. Hoss comes in for a criss-cross with the Dog, who just steps out of the way and lets Hoss run himself out. The babyfaces whip the Funks into each other while Haiti torments Jimmy some more. Finally Hoss catches JYD with a forearm out of the corner to hopefully get this match going somewhere and the Funks go to work on him. This mainly amounts to a LONG chinlock from Jimmy Jack, before Dog breaks free and makes the hot tag to Steamboat, who promptly walks into a clothesline and now he gets the heat. He manages a small package on Hoss for two, but tries a slam on Jimmy Jack and gets reversed for two. Jimmy with a high knee and fistdrop for two. Steamboat throws chops on Hoss and manages to make the tag to JYD, who hits Jimmy Jack with a clothesline into a headbutt for two. They collide and Dog falls on top for two, but Jimmy Hart dives in and saves. They collide again and Hart finally tags in, but after 5 seconds of stomping on the Dog things go south for the Mouth and he gets his ass kicked. So Haiti comes in to finish the job on him and it’s a PIER SIX BRAWL, but Hoss hits JYD with the megaphone and then slams the midget, putting Jimmy on top for the pin at 19:59. Last few minutes were OK but it took FOREVER for them to get their shit together and find the match. **1/4
Well, this was an OK show, but overall a big disappointment after that last one I reviewed. But hey, there’s still another couple of dozen of these on the Network for me to look at yet, so better luck next time.