The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 05.13.20
Taped from Jacksonville, FL
Your hosts are Jim Ross, Tony Schiavone, & Excalibur
Hey, for those looking for a way to help out the blog in these crappy ad revenue times, why not order AEW Double of Nothing on Fite.TV? You get a great show, and I get a piece of the action.
I’m also gonna try to do another PPV code giveaway this week, so stay tuned for that.
Lance Archer joins us to start, and Jake Roberts is ready to apologize as soon as Brandi kisses his ass. Well that’s fair. Also, a woman is great at home doing cooking and cleaning, and keeping him warm when it’s cold outside. This brings out Cody Rhodes in his Ford truck, and he attacks Archer with taped fists like he’s Jim Duggan or something, and they brawl to ringside, where Cody chokes him out with his own dreads and then throws a chair at his face. But Archer no-sells it and they trade finisher attempts until Jake calls off his Murderhawk.
Meanwhile, we take a look at the various tag teams in the division, just to remind people that it’s still a thing, I guess.
Jurassic Express v. Best Friends
Luchasaurus slugs it out with Trent to start and hits the kick, but Jungle Boy comes in with a tornado DDT that Trent reverses into a backdrop driver. The Friends work him over in the corner and set up a stacked superplex, but JB fights them off and dropkicks Chucky off Trent’s shoulders. Chuck gets tossed, but Trent blocks a dive from Jungle Boy and the Friends hit Luchasaurus with a double suplex on the floor and we get the BEST FRIENDS HUG, only for Jungle Boy to hit them with a dive as we take a break. Back with Trent hitting Lucha with a spear, but both Chucky and Jungle Boy tag in and slug it out with forearms. JB hits a lariat, but Trent comes in with a high knee and hits Luchasaurus with a tornado DDT. Orange Cassidy gets all fired up on the ramp and looks like he’s gonna strike, but Rey Fenix appears out of nowhere and hits him with a flying knee while MJF sends JB into the ringpost. Back in, Chucky finishes him with the Awful Waffle at 10:00. And then Wardlow HURLS Marko Stunt into the railing for good measure. Solid tag match. **3/4
Meanwhile, Jon Moxley shows up and he’s in no mood.
Penelope Ford v. Dr. Britt Baker DMD v. Kris Statlander v. Hikaru Shida
Sadly Ford denies the boop from Statlander and turns on her, and everyone slugs it out. Shida and Statlander hit Baker with a double backbreaker and Kris goes after Baker’s broken nose to escape the Lockjaw. But then Penelope DDTs Statlander for two. Shida and Baker fight to the floor and Statlander faceplants Ford for two, but Shida saves. Everyone piles up in the corner and we get a Tower of Doom spot, and then Statlander slams Ford onto Baker before Shida hits her with a knee strike and everyone is out as we take a break. Back with Shida and Statlander slugging it out and the Big Bang Theory is broken up by Baker for two. She hits Statlander with a Destroyer, but Ford hits Britt with a cutter for two. Ford dodges a suplex from Shida and hits a stunner, and Statlander swoops in with a Michinoku Driver on Baker for two. Shida suplexes Ford onto Statlander in the corner and tosses Baker, but Ford comes back with a missile dropkick on Shida for two. Kip Sabian gets involved and grabs Shida, but he stops to make out with Ford and Shida rolls her up for two. Falcon Arrow gets two. Statlander tries an electric chair on Ford, but that’s turned into a reverse rana in a move that almost went VERY wrong. Shida hits Ford with a backbreaker and knee strike to finish at 9:52 while Britt is busy putting Statlander in the Lockjaw (“But where’d she get the glove?!”) on the floor. They were going a million miles an hour here and it was a little bit sloppy at times but really entertaining. ***
Meanwhile, Pineapple Pete has decided to embrace the new name.
Santana & Ortiz v. Kenny Omega & Matt Hardy
Santana and Ortiz attack Kenny before Matt can even make his entrance, but Matt saves and bites on Santana for good measure. He and Kenny double-team Ortiz and toss him, and Matt hits a Side Effect on Santana for two. Kenny beats on Santana in the corner, but misses a charge and gets clotheslined to the floor. Kenny fights them off and tries a springboard, but Ortiz trips him up and runs him into the apron as we take a break. Back with Santana getting two on Kenny and chopping him on the ropes to set up a Boston crab. And then Ortiz helps out with a camel clutch at the same time in a cool double team. Ortiz uses the dreaded EYEPOKE OF DOOM and slugs it out with Kenny, then goes with the fingernails instead, at which point Kenny hits him with a german suplex. Hot tag Matt Hardy and he beats on Santana in the corner and tosses Ortiz. Side Effect on Santana gets two. Matt drops an elbow on Santana’s neck, but Ortiz backdrops him to the floor and Santana follows with a dive. Matt comes back in with a neckbreaker on Ortiz and Twist of Fate on Santana, but Ortiz saves. And they absolutely called it the Twist of Fate, by the way. Kenny comes in again and walks into a cutter from Santana, and they double-team Kenny with a somersault senton into the corner for two. They set up the Street Sweeper, but Kenny flips out of it and brings Hardy in again for a butterfly guillotine on Ortiz. But this brings out Sammy Guevara, wearing a neck brace and limping due to his golf cart injuries, but Matt hits him with a Twist of Fate in a funny spot. Kenny smashes Ortiz with a V-Trigger on the top and Matt catches him with a cutter on the way down, and that gets the pin at 15:53. Matt was noticeably slower than everyone else of course, but he hung in there and they had a hell of a match. ***1/2
Meanwhile, Taz keeps offering help to Darby Allin, but he gets all offended because he was a state wrestling champion and doesn’t need the help.
Meanwhile, Hikaru Shida gives her thoughts on getting the title match at Double or Nothing, but Nyla Rose interrupts and returns her kendo stick. To the head.
MJF v. Lee Johnson
MJF blasts Johnson with a back elbow off the bell and follows with a suplex into the corner, but Johnson fights back with chops, so MJF tosses him and steps on his face outside. Apron powerbomb and they head back in, where a shoulderbreaker and armbar finish at 2:53.
Chris Jericho v. PINEAPPLE PETE
Pete actually gets all fired up and hits Jericho with corner elbows, but walks into the Judas Effect and gets pinned at 1:01. Oh man, and Jericho was wearing a Pineapple Pete shirt and everything! I’m a little disappointed because I thought Jericho would give him a bunch of offense and do some wacky stuff to pay off the “feud”, but nope. So with that taken care of, Jericho and the Inner Circle move onto the Elite. Apparently Hangman Page is off “bushwacking in the forest and picking berries” but Jericho is going to give them a chance to get their shit together and face them. So at the PPV, it’s a STADIUM STAMPEDE, as they’re gonna fight in an empty stadium. Vanguard One does a fly-in and returns Jericho’s shirt (“I’ve got warrants out for you in seven states!”), then accepts the challenge in drone-language, which luckily Jericho speaks. And then in a horrific attack, Jericho uses his baseball bat to smash up the drone. There’s probably kids watching! How could they let this kind of brutal violence air on TNT? This brings out Matt Hardy to save, but not soon enough to prevent Vanguard from being smashed to pieces. Not gonna lie, the violence and brutality there was a little tough to sit through. THAT DRONE HAD A FAMILY!
Next week: MJF v. Marko Stunt! Jake Roberts v. Arn Anderson in a promo battle! Rey Fenix v. Orange Cassidy! Jon Moxley v. 10! Sammy Guevara v. Matt Hardy!
Brodie Lee v. Christopher Daniels
Brodie no-sells Daniels’ offense and powerslams him, then tosses him and beats on him outside. Brodie gets distracted by SCU at ringside, however, and Daniels comes back with a dive and drops an elbow for one. And then Brodie just kills him with a big boot and follows with a backdrop for two. Brodie chokes away in the corner and follows with a back elbow, then goes to stare down SCU again. Back in for the Truckstop slam for two and we take a break. Back with Brodie continuing to beat on Daniels with a superkick for two. Daniels comes back with a DDT out of nowhere and comes back with a rana and running elbow in the corner. SCU decides to beat on 10, which allows Daniels to hit Lee with a chair and apply the Koji Clutch. Dark Order runs in and Cabana saves and chases them off, but Lee tries a chokeslam and Daniels reverses to the Angel’s Wings for one. Another try is blocked, but Daniels hits the BME for two instead. Daniels goes up and gets powerbombed on the way down, and Brodie kills him with the discus lariat to finish at 11:52. I feel like Daniels got a bit too much offense but this was a solid main event that probably shouldn’t have been in the main event position. I actually think they should have done the Pineapple Pete match last and finished with the drone angle. **1/2 And then Moxley storms the ring, trying to get his belt back, but Lee escapes and 10 gets beat up instead to end the show.
Another entertaining two hours from my favorite company, although not on the level of the last week’s show or anything. But still, with a lively and noisy “crowd” this was much easier to watch than the other empty arena shows this week.