The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.02.93

The SmarK Rant for WWF Superstars – 01.02.93

Taped from Green Bay, WI

Your hosts are Vince McMahon & Jerry Lawler & Randy Savage.  So funny that they spent years terrorizing each other over outlaw wrestling promotion shit in the 80s and now they’re just cracking jokes together on commentary.

Mr. Perfect v. The Berzerker

Oddly they’re using Mike McGuirk as ring announcer here, when she’s usually on Challenge.  Berzerker doesn’t even get an entrance or Mr. Fuji, showing where he rates at this point.  They criss-cross to start and Perfect dropkicks him out to the floor, but Berzerker pounds away in the corner to take over.  Perfect misses a blind charge and Berzerker grabs his sword, but misses the decapitation spot and hits the post instead.  That would have been a hell of a DQ if it had worked. So Ric Flair comes to ringside to yell at Perfect and provides distraction, but Perfect still hits Berzerker with kneelifts anyway.  Finally after THREE attempts at it, Berzerker finally manages to use the distraction and knocks Perfect out of the ring, and we take a break.  Back with Berzerker taking over with a powerslam for two.  But then he puts his head down like a geek, and NOW YOU’RE GONNA SEE A PERFECTPLEX at 6:35.  This was pretty terrible.  ½*

UPDATE!  WITH MEAN GENE!  BROUGHT TO YOU BY ICOPRO!

So we get words from Bobby Heenan, who promises to unveil someone who is truly in love with himself at the Royal Rumble:  NARCISSUS.  Truth in advertising indeed.  I’m thinking they couldn’t say the real name because of the WCW contract.

Yokozuna v. George Anderson

Anderson tries to charge him and gets caught with a belly to belly, and Yoko follows with the Hulkbuster legdrop.  Another suplex while we get the inset promo from Earthquake, setting up the feud that didn’t go anywhere, unfortunately.  Banzai Drop finishes at 2:48.

EVENT CENTER!  WITH SEAN MOONEY! 

Tatanka has PROMISED the great spirits that he’s going to win the Rumble.  Meanwhile, Bob Backlund does a monotone promo about how he’s got a big heart and he’s going to win, maybe.  Also, Bam Bam Bigelow is tired of Big Bossman being on top.

Meanwhile, Razor Ramon beats the shit out of Owen Hart backstage.  Watch WWF Mania for more details!

Marty Jannetty v. Tom Stone

Marty slugs away on Stone and gets a superkick, which sends Tom to the floor.  Marty follows with a baseball slide and pescado while the unnamed clown hangs out at ringside with a bucket.  Back in, Marty with a back elbow, but Stone gets some jobber offense.  Marty flips out of a wristlock and hits the Rocker Dropper to set up the flying fistdrop at 3:10.  The clown comes at him with the bucket, but this time there’s no water in it and Marty freaks out anyway.  Little too heavy on the hallucinogenics there, Marty.

Damian Demento v. Mitch Bishop

McGuirk gives the jobber this big introduction as though anyone in the building gives a shit.  Damian pounds him down off a wristlock and hits a shoulderblock and big boot.  Neckbreaker and kneedrop finish at 3:05.  The announcers question who he spends the entire match talking to.  Maybe he’s just got an earpiece like the refs wear?

ROYAL RUMBLE REPORT!  WITH MEAN GENE!  BROUGHT TO YOU BY THE WWF FAN CLUB!

Bret Hart is all good and pissed off at Ramon now.  As we would learn, if anyone’s gonna be beating up his little brother, it’s Bret himself!  Also, Money Inc are both entered, and IRS would like to make sure Dibiase is excluded from his accusations of tax cheats.  OH REALLY NOW?  I wouldn’t speak too soon, IRS.  Also, we get a promo from the Steiner Brothers, who are suddenly in the WWF and will be facing the Beverly Brothers.  They’re immediately boring.

Crush v. Dave Sigfrids

Randy Savage:  “When he goes like that, he means SHAKA BRAH!”  Lawler:  “So what does that mean?”  Savage:  “I’m not really sure…”  Touche.  Crush takes the jobber down while the clown joins us again and antagonizes some kids at ringside, and Crush gets a suplex for two.  Crush with the press slam while he wishes us at Happy New Year in his inset promo, and Savage is all about this Shaka thing.  Head crusher finishes at 2:39.  Afterwards, Crush confronts the clown about hitting the kids with stuff, but the clown is a true agent of chaos and just laughs it off.  Matt Borne was so great in that role.

EVENT CENTER!  WITH SEAN MOONEY!

Virgil and Papa Shango get promo time, because you can’t take the 1992 out of 1993 quite yet.  This show is doing nothing to make me actually want to watch that PPV, gotta say.

Next week:  Bam Bam, Undertaker, Kamala, and THE STEINER BROTHERS!  And then we finish with an enraged Crush, whose grandfather was a clown too, brudda, so he knows about clowns, brudda.  You don’t pick on the little kids!  I’m pretty sure he just made up that bit about his grandfather being a clown.

Not an exciting show this week, sadly.