Monday Night Raw
Date: December 5, 2005
Location: North Charleston Coliseum, North Charleston, South Carolina
Commentators: Jerry Lawler, Joey Styles
We’re closing in on the final pay per view of the year and the Raw vs. Smackdown theme seems to be continuing. That’s not the most thrilling idea in the world but it’s not like Armageddon has ever been an important show in the first place. Hopefully the build works out well so let’s get to it.
Joey talks about Ric Flair being arrested for road rage last week, which will be addressed on the Cutting Edge. This screams bad impersonation somewhere along the lines.
Here’s Vince McMahon, who drives a garbage truck into the arena. There are two chairs and a podium in the ring so here’s Eric Bischoff to face the music. Bischoff is looking rather upset and talks about what this job means to him. The fans are already singing the Goodbye Song as Vince talks about how he’s fair. Everyone should deserve their day in court so tonight is the trial of Eric Bischoff. Vince calls out Bischoff’s lawyer, the Coach, and Bischoff doesn’t seem impressed. Coach: “My client Eric Bischoff is an a******.”
Bischoff is paid to provide an exciting show and deserves a raise. Now we get to the prosecutor: Mick Foley. Mick says no one has ever done more for Raw than Bischoff, who told the fans about a title change on January 4, 1999, which gave the company a lead in the Monday Night Wars which they never released. Vince says they’re going to WWE Court and the decision will be announced by the end of the night.
Tag Team Titles: Kane/Big Show vs. Val Venis/Viscera vs. Tyson Tomko/Snitsky vs. Heart Throbs
Kane and Big Show are defending in a warmup before they face Rey Mysterio and Batista at Armageddon. House is cleaned in a hurry but Viscera manages a running splash on Kane. That earns him a double chokeslam to send him outside, with Show throwing Antonio onto him. Back in and a triple chokeslam to Antonio, Tomko and Venis is good for three pins at once. Total squash, which is impressive against six people.
We go to the court with Judge Vince McMahon, who is flanked by Bailiff Chris Masters. After taking his feet off the table, Mick calls in Stephanie McMahon, complete with music, as his first witness. She and Shane both think Bischoff should be removed from office and we see exhibit A: the kiss from Halloween 2002. Coach: “I object!” Vince: “SHUT UP!”
Mickie James vs. Victoria
Trish Stratus, Torrie Wilson and Candice Michelle are all here. Mickie snapmares her down to start for the basement dropkick as Lawler is drooling extra hard this week. Victoria manages to send things outside though and the other women get in some cheap shots. Back in and Victoria stands on her chest before hitting the standing moonsault for two.
Mickie’s arm is sent into the buckle and then the mat, followed by a clothesline to take her down again. Mickie gets a hurricanrana out of the corner to start the comeback and a spinning kick to the face drops Victoria. Torrie gets on the apron and is dragged inside, allowing Candice to distract Mickie. A rollup gives Victoria the pin despite Trish’s best efforts.
Rating: D+. This is one of the matches that makes the future generations of Divas all the more frustrating. They put together a coherent story here with the wrestlers doing the wrestling and the eye candy being there for their most basic purposes. It can be done at an acceptable (ok barely acceptable) level but it just wouldn’t be the case most of the time.
Post match, Mickie looks incensed that Trish couldn’t help her more.
Back in court, Tajiri, through a translator, talks about how he was a star in ECW but was wasted on Raw. Now he wants a pregnant rhinoceros to violate Bischoff, and then that he get fired. Coach, now with matchmaking powers, makes Tajiri vs. HHH. With Tajiri gone, Mick brings in Moolah and Mae Young.
Post break, Mae: “And that’s why Eric Bischoff has no penis.” Foley gives us exhibit B: Mae kissing and Bronco Bustering Bischoff at Bad Blood 2003. Coach blames Mae for being oversexed as Bischoff is about to be sick. With that out of the way, Coach gets to call Chris Masters as his first witness. Masters, with no shirt and after removing his hat…..is instantly accused of perjury because his real name is Chris Mordetzky so he’s disqualified from testifying. Vince: “Bailiff, if you would please remove yourself.” I chuckled a few times in there so they’re off to a good start.
Shawn Michaels and Shelton Benjamin are ready for their main event tag match. We hear some of Shelton’s amateur credentials but Shawn points out his lack of recent success around here. See, Shawn might not have the best reputation, but he’s successful. So does Shelton want to win, or make friends? Shelton seems to get something out of the idea.
Coach has a special witness coming in.
Chavo Guerrero vs. Lance Cade
Chavo slugs away to start but gets sent over the top in a hurry. Cade rams him into the post as the EDDIE chants start up. Back in and Chavo hits a dropkick before slugging away. Cade grabs Chavo and drives him into the corner though and shows him how to give a real beating. A suplex is countered into a DDT though and Chavo hits the frog splash for the fast pin.
Rating: C-. This was little more than a showcase match for Chavo and that’s not a bad thing. Chavo is a fine choice for a midcard hand and putting him into a story here or there isn’t going to hurt anything. I’m a little surprised at how fast Cade and Trevor Murdoch have fallen though. Yeah they won the titles, but you would think they would have done something else before dropping them.
Coach’s witness is Daivari, who says that Bischoff was a fair man who gave him his job back and a chance to make a name for himself. Vince, however, has his headphones in. Vince: “Sorry, I was listening to Ashlee Simpson on my new iPod.” Never mind repeating it because we’ll be having a recess. Mick is happy and busts out the Moon Pies and RC Cola.
It’s time for the debut of the Cutting Edge, with Edge and Lita promising to offend everyone and ask the hard questions. Lita doesn’t mind Edge staring at various parts of her and brings up Edge yelling at Dmitri Young at Survivor Series. As for tonight, Ric Flair isn’t here tonight and Edge thinks it’s out of fear. Edge says Flair is now the mug shot posin, handcuff wearin, road rage commitin convict!
Cue Sgt. Slaughter and Michael Hayes to break this up (Lita: “AKA two legends who now make a living kissing Vince McMahon’s a**! Edge: “Wait, Michael, someone told you I had a bottle of Jack Daniels and an eight ball down here didn’t they?”) with Hayes saying he doesn’t get kids today.
They don’t have any respect for the business the legends like the two of them and Flair build. Hayes respects Flair and everything he’s done around here. He’ll give Flair the benefit of the doubt and asks Edge how many main events he’s been in. How many arenas has he sold out so the people had to be turned away? How many World Titles has he had?
Edge says cut the mic and says Terry Gordy isn’t coming to help him because Gordy is dead. Hayes: “The only reason you have this show is you’re banging Matt Hardy’s ex-girlfriend.” That’s enough for Edge, who slugs Hayes down and low blows Slaughter. Hayes gets back up and fires off in the corner but a briefcase to the head takes him down. We’ve seen this kind of thing before but it was nice having someone different in the role for a change.
HHH vs. Tajiri
Tajiri goes straight to the strikes in the corner early on but HHH clotheslines him from behind to break up the handspring elbow. The second attempt connects but the Tarantula is broken up. HHH suplexes him down and hits the Pedigree for the quick pin.
Simon Dean is the next witness but the Boogeyman pops up instead. He says a lot, breaks the clock, and disappears, sending Vince into confusion and Mick into another Moon Pie.
HHH runs into Big Show in the back and a challenge is teased for later.
Mick calls his next witness in the form of Maria, who wants to be questioned by Mr. Socko. Foley slowly agrees and Maria goes into a rant involving several big words about how Bischoff abused his power and should be fired. That’s it for Maria, and everyone, save for Bischoff, watches as she leaves. Vince says that’s enough and closing arguments will take place in the arena.
Kurt Angle/Carlito vs. Shelton Benjamin/Shawn Michaels
Daivari is at ringside and not refereeing as per Vince’s orders. Shelton and Carlito start things off with Carlito getting his arm barred. A belly to belly lets Shelton hammer away even more and Carlito is rather upset (possibly about his hair). Angle comes in to take Shelton to the mat by the leg but Angle has to escape the exploder. The Dragon Whip works instead and we take a break.
Back with Shawn charging into Carlito’s elbow in the corner but getting over to the corner for a tag to Shelton anyway. Angle gets knocked off the apron but a Daivari distraction lets Angle knock Shelton down. Back in and Angle unloads in the corner before snapping off the overhead belly to belly.
The fans are behind Shelton, even as Angle German suplexes him into a waistlock. The Angle Slam is countered into a DDT and the hot tag brings in Shawn. House is cleaned, including the forearm into the nipup and a bunch of clotheslines. There’s the top rope elbow so Shawn tunes up the band, only to have Shelton tag himself in. Shelton misses a top rope clothesline though and Carlito gets the easy pin.
Rating: C. This was a story based match and that’s not a bad thing. The idea here was to show that Shelton needs a lot of work and given how much he’s been losing as of late, a heel turn might not be the worst thing for him. They’re way past the point where he can just bounce back so a big change is all they can really do.
Post match Shawn is incensed but Shelton won’t hear it.
Vince and Stephanie arrive in a limo, because they left….I guess? HHH pops up to say Bischoff should say but Vince thinks it’s just so HHH can manipulate him. He’ll take it under advisement, and then introduces HHH to Stephanie for the awkward staring.
We go into the arena for the closing arguments, with Foley just saying Bischoff is bad at his job. Bischoff says he makes WWE money with ideas like the Elimination Chamber. Maybe they could use it again at the next Raw pay per view for the WWE Championship. Vince knows what it’s like to be hated in this industry so he should be able to sympathize with Bischoff. Just let him keep his job so they can make money. Vince seems to think about it but here’s John Cena to interrupt.
Cena is here to point out everything Bischoff does and how much fun he’s taken away from this show. Like when he censors the SUCK in Kurt Angle’s YOU SUCK. Cena asks the 10,000 witnesses here in the building about Bischoff staying, but they seem to want him gone. The two letters that sum up Bischoff’s career are FU so Vince asks the fans about the Elimination Chamber. They seem pleased, so the match is on. Bischoff won’t be there for it though, because HE’S FIRED. Cena gives Bischoff the FU and Vince throws him in the back of the garbage truck. Vince even drives it out of the arena to end the show.
Overall Rating: D+. There wasn’t much here other than the Bischoff deal, which is long overdue at this point. Bischoff has done everything possible as the evil boss and it’s time to give us something new. The rest of the show just came and went though with little wrestling of note as we need to fill time before New Year’s Revolution. Hopefully things can pick up in the next few weeks, but I wouldn’t get my hopes up.
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