Daily News Update – April 7, 2020

Oy vey.

DATELINE:  Yes, in a twist so ridiculous that people would normally think you’re making it up, Dana White has BOUGHT A GODDAMN ISLAND to continue his ridiculous need to host UFC events, despite doctors and every major branch of government telling him to shut it down already.  Seriously, at what point does a person officially cross the line into full-on supervillain?  Does he also have to build a private fortress in the side of a volcano with his head as a giant statue like Dr. Evil?

DATELINE:  AEW announced the signing of Anna Jay, who looked like a future star on last week’s Dynamite.

DATELINE:  Michael Cole got promoted to Vice President of Announcing.  Insert your own punchline.