No Mercy 2005

No Mercy 2005
Date: October 9, 2005
Location: Toyota Center, Houston, Texas
Attendance: 7,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s a Smackdown only pay per view this time around and that could go in a variety of ways. We have a two match card here with Eddie Guerrero challenging Batista for the World Title, but the more interesting part of the story is whether or not Eddie has really changed. Other than that, we have the Ortons vs. Undertaker in a handicap casket match. Let’s get to it.

The opening video talks about Eddie’s addictions and evils being gone….and then cuts to a graveyard to talk about Undertaker vs. the Ortons. Well that was chilling.

MNM vs. Animal/Heidenreich/Christy Hemme

Animal has a bad shoulder coming in so Heidenreich pulls Nitro up from the floor by the hair to start things off. Heidenreich runs him over and hands it off to Animal, who misses a charge into the corner to hurt the shoulder again. The Snapshot connects early on but Nitro takes his time knocking Heidenreich down so Nitro can only get two. The arm is pulled around the middle rope and Mercury grabs a neckbreaker for two more.

Animal grabs a quick powerslam for his own two and Heidenreich comes in without a tag. That earns him a backdrop to the floor (good for him, the filthy cheater) and Melina tags herself in for no logical reason. Animal catches her in midair and brings Christy in to play Bret on a Hart Attack. A bad hurricanrana sets up a Doomsday Device to finish Melina (after Christy figures out how to cover).

Rating: D. The match was pretty bad, mainly because these teams have feuded for months now and there has never been any reason to believe that MNM has a chance against them. I get why they want Christy in there (it’s not difficult to figure out) but have her as the manager or something because she’s terrible in the ring. There’s a place for someone with her looks and charisma, but it’s not here.

Eddie Guerrero wishes Batista good luck, though he doesn’t seem the most sincere. Batista wishes him the same, albeit a bit more nicely.

Simon Dean vs. Bobby Lashley

Dean has a guy with him, carrying a plate of burgers. Simon talks about how how Houston is the fattest city in America, which is why he brought these twenty double cheeseburgers. You can have one and be ok, but the problem is eating all twenty at once. He’s so confident tonight that if he loses, he’ll eat all of them. Dean tries an early cheap shot and gets suplexed for his efforts. Lashley misses a charge into the corner so Dean throws the burgers at the referee. The distraction lets Dean get in a shot to the head with the cheeseburger tray….and Lashley just glares at him. The Dominator finishes in a hurry.

JBL isn’t worried about Raw wrestlers interfering because they’ll see what he does to Rey Mysterio. Cue Rey to speak Spanish, which doesn’t sit well with JBL. Rey hands him a mask, because JBL is going to want to hide in shame after the beating Rey gives him tonight. Or maybe Jillian Hall can wear it instead.

Teddy Long welcomes Lashley to Smackdown when he goes to answer some questions online. Shouldn’t that welcome have come either when he was signed or in the previous few weeks? Does Long usually just let people wander around the locker room and have matches?

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Orlando Jordan vs. Booker T. vs. Christian

Benoit is defending, it’s one fall to a finish and Sharmell handles Booker’s entrance. It’s a brawl to start with Benoit getting sent outside and Booker having to fight out of the corner. A double clothesline gets Booker out of trouble as Cole brings up the first assembly after 9/11 in this building. That’s how you keep the energy up man. Benoit comes back in and suplexes Christian onto Jordan, followed by Booker missile dropkicking Christian.

It’s Benoit vs. Booker for a bit and the fans are back into this one. Nothing actually happens though as Christian and Jordan come back in to break it up. Booker and Jordan clothesline each other for the double knockdown, leaving the Canadians to slug it out on top. They both fall to the floor and Booker forearms Jordan down for two.

Christian sends Benoit into Booker but Benoit is back up with the rolling German suplexes. More suplexes look to set up the Swan Dive but Christian gets out of the way. Instead, Benoit gets him in the Crossface but Jordan makes the save because he’s the only one who gets to tap out to that in big matches. With Jordan dispatched, Benoit Sharpshooters Christian to retain.

Rating: B-. This was a fun match and the three of them (plus Jordan) looked solid here. Benoit vs. Booker seems to be the next big feud based on that staredown but egads the idea of that much more Sharmell yelling at Booker for weeks on end makes my soul hurt. At least turn Booker hard heel if that’s what we have to sit through.

Post match Sharmell tells Booker that Benoit made him lose.

Lashley makes Dean eat the burgers, even though they were on the ground and on the mat.

Mr. Kennedy vs. Hardcore Holly

Kennedy does his usual so Holly pulls him over the top and starts hammering away in the corner. The dropkick puts Kennedy down again and the fans aren’t exactly thrilled with him being in control here. Kennedy begs off and manages a shot to the ribs so he can throw Holly outside. A ram into the corner makes it worse and the armbar goes on. Holly armdrags his way out, only to get taken down with a DDT on the arm.

We hit another armbar (albeit a different kind, which is always appreciated) but this time Holly backdrops his way to freedom. A full nelson slam gives Holly two and he picks Kennedy up…but just drops him. I’m not sure what that was supposed to be but Holly kicks him in the lower gut and gets two off a rollup. Kennedy hits a spinning kick to the head but Holly just stands there, completely no selling the thing. A big boot gives Holly two and he heads up top, only to get caught with the super Regal Roll for the pin.

Rating: D+. That was a weird sequence leading into the ending as Holly just dropped Kennedy for some reason and then didn’t sell a pretty big kick. Maybe he was mad at Kennedy for something but it didn’t look good at all. Then again neither does having these two having these two on pay per view, as you could see a bunch of empty seats popping up throughout the match.

Post match Holly is favoring his ribs so here’s Sylvan to attack the ribs even more.

Simon is still eating and finds a hair in one of the burgers.

Sharmell yells at Booker for losing but Kennedy interrupts to brag about winning. Sharmell yells at Booker even more, saying he’s his own problem.

John Bradshaw Layfield vs. Rey Mysterio

Jillian Hall is here with JBL. Rey slugs away to start, including some kicks to the thigh. That earns him a headlock takeover as we talk about the growth on Jillian Hall’s face. Rey fights up and avoids an elbow, allowing him to kick JBL outside. The chase is on until Rey hits a baseball slide, only to have JBL hit him in the back.

Rey goes right back to the knee but it’s too early for the 619. Instead JBL bails to the floor and gets caught with a bulldog from the apron. JBL sends him hard into the timekeeper’s area and it’s time to pound Rey down in the corner. The super fall away slam sends Rey flying and a regular version makes it worse.

There’s a third on the floor and it’s time to hit the bearhug back inside. Rey fights out so JBL sets him on top, only to get caught with a “spinning tornado” DDT, according to Cole, who presumably doesn’t know what a tornado is. Rey’s moonsault press gets two but JBL shoulders him down. The Clothesline From JBL is countered with a dropkick and Rey hits the 619, only to walk into the Clothesline for the pin.

Rating: B-. That’s tied for the match of the night so far and that’s not really saying much. You could have gone with either winning here as JBL is still a big star on the show and keeping him strong makes sense for future matches. Mysterio isn’t someone who is going to be hurt by a loss, especially when he’s a foot shorter than JBL. Good enough match here and better than I would have bet on.

We recap the Ortons vs. Undertaker. Randy is still annoyed at Undertaker for beating him at Wrestlemania so he brought in his dad to help him. Tonight, it’s a handicap casket match.

Undertaker vs. Randy Orton/Bob Orton

Casket match, with Tony Chimmel incorrectly saying it is the first handicap casket match in history (HHH had one against Mideon and Viscera on Smackdown in 1999). Druids bring down the casket before Undertaker’s entrance to stretch it out even longer. The two of them can’t surround Undertaker as he slips between them and hits some shots to the face. Undertaker knocks Bob onto the casket but Randy gets in a low blow and drops a knee.

That’s broken up and Bob gets thrown into the casket, only to have Randy send Undertaker knees first into the steps. Undertaker fights out of the casket and drives his shoulder into Randy’s, setting up a Downward Spiral. Randy has to save his dad from Old School and a double superplex brings Undertaker back down. Bob tries to cover but then calls for the lid to be opened after realizing what’s going on (fair enough as this isn’t quite in his wheelhouse).

For some reason they try to suplex Undertaker over the top and into the casket instead of, you know, rolling him in, which goes as well as you would expect. A double DDT gets Undertaker out of trouble and Bob is thrown into the casket. Snake Eyes takes too long though and Bob gets out. That means Randy has to go into the post and a chair shot puts Randy in the casket. Undertaker triangle chokes Bob (because you can’t just chokeslam Bob) but the delay lets Randy pull the two of them inside with him.

Bob gets left inside with the lid shut but Randy powerslams Undertaker inside. Randy hammers away in the corner and, of course, gets caught in the Last Ride, though he’s able to slip out instead. Undertaker tries to throw him in but Bob pops out of the casket with a fire extinguisher to blind Undertaker, setting up the RKO. That and a fire extinguisher to the head put Undertaker down but he grabs Randy and pulls him in with him. The lid is closed, which should be an Ortons win, but they pop back out. One more fire extinguisher to the head is finally enough to put Undertaker in alone for the win.

Rating: C-. This was longer than it needed to be but Bob added enough to the match to be worthwhile. If nothing else it leaves the door open for a bigger one on one rematch down the line, likely in the Cell. They could have cut off about five minutes from this though and it would have been a lot better. Undertaker will be back because he always is, and it’s going to be time for revenge.

Post match the casket is locked and the Ortons wheel it up to the stage. Just like Kane in 1998, the light it on fire as everyone freaks out. Unlike 1998 there is more to go, and let’s get straight to that.

Cruiserweight Title: Juventud vs. Nunzio

Juventud is challenging after winning a battle royal on Velocity and Vito/the Mexicools are at ringside. During the entrances, we’re told that the Ortons are doing an interview backstage, because that’s what you do after LIGHTING SOMEONE ON FIRE ON LIVE TELEVISION! They trade rollups for two each to start as the camera suddenly won’t stay on the standard shot.

Could it have something to do with the large empty sections opposite the hard camera during this match? Juventud hurricanranas him off the top and then dropkicks him in the face for two. A kick to Juvy’s face sets up the middle rope legdrop but Juvy gets out of the way and takes out Vito. Back in and a northern lights suplex sets up the Juvy Driver for the pin and the title.

Rating: D+. This was short, disjointed, and in between the big matches on the show. What else were you really expecting to happen here? The fans didn’t care, the match was thrown onto the card and it’s for the most worthless title this side of the Western States Heritage Championship. What else was going to happen?

Post match Juvy cuts a promo with the Spanish announce team before leaving on his lawnmower.

Simon Dean can’t take anymore and runs for the bathroom after nineteen burgers.

We recap Eddie Guerrero vs. Batista. Eddie got the title shot at Palmer Cannon/the Network’s suggestion and suddenly decided that he was a changed man. It isn’t clear if he is or not, but Batista has warned him about what is going to happen if Eddie stabs him in the back.

Smackdown World Title: Eddie Guerrero vs. Batista

Batista is defending. They stare each other down to start until Eddie takes him down by the legs. That’s broken up with a standoff and they stare each other down….to a standing ovation? Ok then. Batista easily takes over with a test of strength so Eddie climbs the ropes, only to get slammed back down. A headlock keeps Eddie in trouble but the Texas crowd gets behind him all over again.

The hold stays on for a good while until Batista slams and shoulders him out to the floor. Eddie grabs a chair and that’s too far for Batista, but Eddie snaps his throat across the top rope. The frog splash to the back gets two and it’s a bodyscissors to stay on the back. Eddie switches over to a half crab but Batista makes the rope without breaking much of a sweat.

That lets Eddie grab a tag rope, which he throws down without using. Instead it’s back to the bodyscissors with a chinlock but this time Batista powers up to his feet. Batista charges but this time Eddie takes the knee out and grabs a Texas Cloverleaf. That’s broken up and the referee gets bumped, meaning it’s time for an evil smile.

Eddie picks up the chair but still can’t do it. Instead he throws the chair to the floor but Batista saw it in his hands and isn’t happy. The beatdown is on, including the spear and a spinebuster for a delayed two as Batista’s back is banged up. That’s enough for Eddie to hit Three Amigos but Batista is back up with another spinebuster to retain.

Rating: D+. I don’t know if it was a lack of chemistry or trying to do too much storyline stuff and not enough wrestling, but this didn’t exactly work. There’s more to this one though and while I can understand not doing the big blowoff in their first match, this was a disappointing end to a bad show. It could have been worse, but it needed to be a lot bigger after the rest of the show so far.

Overall Rating: D-. Oh yeah this was bad, with the two good matches barely being able to headline a regular Smackdown. The main event didn’t deliver and the Ortons vs. Undertaker wasn’t that much better. It could have been worse and the two matches two help, but this felt like a bad B show and underwhelmed even with almost no expectations coming in.

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