The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 03.04.20
Live from Denver, CO
Your hosts are Jim Ross, Tony Schiavone & Excalibur
Jon Moxley joins us to start with his shiny new belt, and he’s here to celebrate his love of professional wrestling and dedicate the win to all the fans. And no one can pry the belt out of his cold dead hands. And he dares the Inner Circle to come try. So this brings them out and Jericho clarifies that Mox will never be LE CHAMPION and then insults the crowd’s chanting abilities. You see, Moxley is a cheater and a liar because Jericho spent months training for a person with ONE eye, and Moxley LIED and actually has two of them. That’s an amazing line. So in tonight’s tag team main event, Jericho GUARANTEES that Moxley won’t walk out on his own two feet, and should Moxley walk out, Jericho will leave for 60 days.
SCU & Colt Cabana v. The Dark Order
Colt takes Grayson down with a headscissors and the heels clear the ring as a result and then we get some double-teaming on Colt. Silver gets caught in the SCU corner and triple-teamed, however, and now the heels are chased off. Sky with a dropkick on Silver for two. Daniels gets tripped up in the heel corner and sent into the ringpost by Uno, and Dark Order gets the heat on him. We take a break and return with Daniels fighting out of the corner, but Reynolds and Silver team up for a stunner into a german suplex that gets two. Grayson comes in and walks into a Flatliner from Daniels, and it’s hot tag Kaz. Flying forearm on Silver and then he slams Reynolds onto him and adds a springboard legdrop onto them both. The heels try to clear the ring, but SCU actually wins that battle to the shock of Uno, who is left alone and beat down. Daniels hits Grayson with a tope and Kaz hits Reynolds with a cutter for two, but Silver saves. Colt gets a hot tag and moonsaults two of the Order, but Reynolds rolls him up for two. The Order bails and Sky hits them with a dive, and Colt finishes Reynolds with the superman press at 10:40. Started slow but turned into a good match by the end. ***
Meanwhile, the Bucks and Omega Powers have one of the greatest matches ever.
Big Swole v. Leva Bates
Britt Baker joins us for some bitchy color commentary while Leva gets a backstabber with help from Peter Avalon. Swole comes back with a knee strike and finishes with the Dirty Dancing forearm at 1:20. If they’re going with Swole as the next challenger, it’s gonna go badly for them.
Cody Rhodes joins us, and I’m disappointed we don’t get quotes from journalists about his neck tattoo intercut with his entrance. So he demands that MJF come out and face him…but JAKE ROBERTS answers instead? And he’s looking pretty badass, too. He’s tired of listening to Cody cry and bitch, because he never cried for a match in his life. So he’s not here to hail mighty Caesar, but rather to introduce his new client. So Jake cuts an amazing promo and then finishes with “never turn your back on someone who you respect or you’re afraid of” and then TURNS HIS BACK on Cody and leaves. Sadly he never gets to introduce his client but holy shit can Jake still talk. If I had to guess I’d say Luke Harper is a good fit.
Chuck Taylor v. Pac
Pac works a headlock on Chucky and takes him to the floor with a headscissors. But then he teases a dive and goes to get in Orange’s face instead, which allows Chuck to lay him out. Back in, Chuck with chops and a backbreaker and he goes up, but Pac dodges him and hits a corner elbow before throwing him into the railing outside to take over. We take a break and return with Pac holding an armbar, but Taylor fights back with clotheslines until Pac headfakes him into missing a dropkick. Sadly, Pac makes the mistake of pointing to his own head to indicate intelligence, and Chuck dumps him and hits him with a plancha to set up the BEST FRIENDS HUG. Back in, Chucky gets two. Pac fires back with a cutter, but Chuck catches him in a Gory special that turns into a neckbreaker for two. He goes up with a moonsault, but it misses and the brutalizer finishes at 9:10. Good effort from Chuck here. *** Pac wants some more, but Orange Cassidy comes in for the confrontation and the Lucha Brothers storm the ring and attack. So apparently they’re DEATH TRIANGLE, our newest heel faction. Well we know the matches are gonna be good.
Meanwhile, Shawn Spears is STILL looking for a tag team partner. Maybe we need a dating app type of thing for him. And indeed, you can use #SearchForSpears to submit your entry.
QT Marshall v. Jake Hager
QT has apparently been adopted into the Rhodes family now, which is certainly an upgrade from teaming with the Librarian on Dark. Jake takes QT down and smacks him around and then takes him down with a slam. Hager hits him with an Oklahoma Stampede, but QT fights back and then walks into a knee to the gut. Swagger Bomb hits knees and Marshall fires up and makes the comeback with a handspring kick and goes up with a moonsault for one. Hager fights him off and hits a lariat, then chokes him out for the submission at 3:15. Basic squash for Hager here. * Dustin comes in to save, but the goons attack, and Cody saves his brother before a chairshot puts him down as well. This brings out Matt Jackson as well and he also gets beat up. Finally a drunken Hangman staggers out (with graphic reading “Whooped both their asses”) and calls off the beating so he can put his beer down, and then does some Cowboy Shit and whoops everyone to clear the ring for a huge babyface reaction. It’s astonishing how much Hangman has gotten himself over.
Meanwhile, MJF lets us know how great he is, and that he’s coming after Jon Moxley’s AEW title next. He’s all about pinning shoulders to the mats and banging rats. Also, he has a t-shirt that says “I PINNED CODY”, which he admits is obnoxious…KIND OF LIKE A NECK TATTOO. Oh you knew we were all waiting for it from him.
Chris Jericho & Sammy Guevara v. Jon Moxley & Darby Allin
Sadly, Moxley is attacked in the crowd by masked men who turn out to be the Inner Circle, DISGRACING the very t-shirt I bought on Saturday night, and they lay him out and choke him out in the concourse to make this into a handicap match. So Allin goes it alone and quickly gets double-teamed and choked out by Jericho in the corner. Jericho hangs him in the Tree of Woe, but misses a charge and Darby gets a sunset flip for two. Moonsault press gets two. Jericho takes him down and into the Walls of Jericho, but Darby powers to the ropes to break. Allin gets sent to the floor and beat up and we take a break. Back with the Circle doing more double-teaming and Jericho slapping him around, but Darby gets fired up and fights back, clotheslining Jericho to the floor and following with a tope. Sammy works him over in the corner to cut off the comeback again and gives us a classic Jericho arrogant cover, then kicks Darby in the spine out of a suplex, for two. Darby comes back again on Jericho and blocks the Lionsault with the knees. He crawls for the corner but no one is there to tag, so he TAGS HIMSELF and makes the comeback on Sammy. Code Red gets two. He dumps Sammy to the floor and hits the Inner Circle with a Coffin Drop. Back in, stunner on Sammy and he goes up with the Coffin Drop for two, but Jericho saves. Darby dumps Jericho and follows with another tope, but Jericho hits him with the Judas Effect in mid-air to knock him out, and Sammy gets the pin in the ring at 13:35. Another fantastic star-making performance from Darby Allin. ****1/4 Moxley returns from his beating and cleans house on the Inner Circle to prevent any further beatdowns by the heels, but that of course goes badly for him and they put him through a table off the ramp to end the show. And as promised, Moxley does not leave under his own power.
Too much HEAT on the heels tonight, I thought, and it broke up the string of shows that I’d call excellent, but damn that main event was great at least. Obviously we’re building to BLOOD & GUTS right away and then hopefully we get the next big direction out of that.