The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 02.05.20

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 02.05.20

Live from Huntsville, AL

Your hosts are Tony Schiavone, Excalibur & Jim Ross.  Still hoping to read Jim’s new book this weekend since his publisher was nice enough to send it my way.

My PVR better not screw this up two weeks in a row.

Jon Moxley v. Ortiz

Ortiz appears to have a flask around his neck for emergency booze purposes.  Hopefully not filled with beer, because as we established in yesterday’s NWA review, beer is gross.  Moxley attacks and beats on Ortiz, then chases him out of the ring with a clothesline and chases him back in with a chair.  Ortiz takes the ref and Santana trips Mox up, allowing Ortiz to hit an enzuigiri for two.  Meanwhile, Chris Jericho joins us on commentary with head bootlick Sammy Guevara and he’s delightful.  “This is not a gimmick, Santana and Ortiz are literally STREET THUGS from the Bronx”.  Ortiz uses the BACK RAKE OF DEATH and goes to a rear chinlock while Jericho quotes Spinal Tap with “There’s a fine line between stupidity and genius” with regards to Ortiz.  Powerbomb gets two.  Jericho:  “He’s like a cigarette machine with a head on it.”  I don’t even know what that means but it’s hilarious.  Moxley takes him down with a figure-four, but he makes the ropes and bails to the floor and Moxley follows with a tope suicida that hits Santana instead.  Back in, Moxley catches Ortiz with a Black Hole Slam for two.  Jericho:  “I should have let him languish!  But instead I was nice and brought him into AEW.  Don’t ever be nice to anyone, Sammy!”  Ortiz dumps Moxley and follows with a dive, and back in for a top rope splash that gets two.  Fisherman’s suplex gets two.  Ortiz goes up again and Mox boots him on the way down and follows with a lariat, then sends Ortiz into Santana and finishes with the Paradigm Shift at 7:48.  This was a lot of fun and Ortiz is turning into a great worker.  ***1/2  Jericho tries to distract Moxley for an attack from LAX, but Moxley catches Santana and spikes him with another DDT and pulls out a car key before spiking Santana in the eye with it.  So I guess they’re even now.  Moxley leaves via the crowd and he’s such a dangerous badass that he stands in front of a sign that says “No Standing, Please Be Seated”.

SCU v. Best Friends

Trent trades headlocks with Kazarian to start and they exchange chops while JR confuses Scorpio Sky with 2 Cold Scorpio.  Best Friends drop an elbow on Kaz, but it’s over to Scorpio, who trades armbars with Chucky.  Chuck misses a moonsault and Sky hits him with a crazy high dropkick.  Kaz comes in and fights off both Friends on his own, and Scorpio springboards into a cutter on Chuck to put him on the floor.  On the floor, Kaz hits Trent with a german suplex and Chuck does a blockbuster off the stairs as everyone is out on the floor.  So Orange Cassidy goes and lays down too to show solidarity.  We take a break and return with Scorpio hitting a double stomp on Trent’s back, and Kaz gets a tornado DDT for two.  Everyone brawls in the ring after Trent takes a corner bump and falls on his own head, and that sets up the BEST FRIENDS HUG.  But Trent goes for the Strong Zero to finish Kaz, and Sky dropkicks them over into a Code Red that finishes Trent at 10:00.  Another fun one.  ***1/4  The Dark Order hits the ring and beats everyone down, then offers Orange Cassidy a mask and beat him down until Chris Daniels makes the save.  But they won’t touch Daniels and just walk off.  Daniels would make sense as the leader but I’m pretty sure they’ll go with either Luke Harper or Matt Hardy depending on which contract ends first.

Dr. Britt Baker DMD v. Yuka Sakazaki

Britt tries a wristlock and Yuka flips out of it, so Britt chokes her out in the corner instead.  Sakazaki comes back with a rana and goes up with a seated senton, so Britt bails to think it over and Yuka follows with a bodypress to the floor.  Back in, they slug it out and Baker superkicks her and follows with a neckbreaker for two.  Britt grabs the hair and tries for the Lockjaw, but Sakazaki reverses to a crucifix for the pin at 3:30.  Well that’s an upset.  And speaking of upset, Britt grabs the ring bell and lays her out with it, then puts her mouth on the bottom rope and curb stomps her for good measure.  This results in a goofy gimmick where Yuka spit outs a “tooth” and bleeds from the mouth, and then Baker puts her in the Lockjaw as well.  She’s really stretching the bounds of the Hippocratic Oath at this point.  **1/4

February 29:  Watch AEW Revolution on Fite.TV!

The Butcher, The Blade & The Lucha Brothers v. Kenny Omega, Hangman Page & The Young Bucks

The Elite tries for a group entrance thing, but Hangman comes out first and disgustedly just goes to the ring while the other three pose.  And Kenny Omega does JAZZ HANDS on the way to the ring!  He’s the WORST HUMAN BEING EVER.  It’s like watching the business getting exposed before my eyes.  Page takes out his frustrations on the Blade with chops and then double-teams him with Kenny for two.  The Bucks go to work on his arm and the other heels run in, but the Bucks dropkick everyone to the floor and follow with triple dives.  Meanwhile, Page just stands on the apron and he’s over it.  The babyfaces get tossed and Fenix hits them all with a CRAZY dive as we take a break.  Back with Nick sending the Luchas into the railing and then slingshotting in with a facecrusher on Blade.  Matt hits Fenix with the rolling northern lights suplexes, but Fenix manages to bounce off Omega’s shoulders with a wristlock takedown on Matt.  This man is amazing.  The Luchas team up on Kenny and go after the leg, which hopefully won’t give him Jazz Feet.  Kenny gets worked over in the heel corner and the BUTCHER! AND THE BLADE! double team him with backbreakers before Butcher slugs away on him.  Butcher tries a powerbomb and Kenny escapes with a rana, and it’s hot tag Hangman.  He dumps Fenix and follows with a dive.  Back in for a belly to belly on Pentagon and then he hits all the heels with a moonsault to the floor and back in for a lariat on Pentagon that gets two.  The Elite tees off on Pentagon in the corner, but then the heels all take shots at Matt and Fenix hits the cutter, into a Doomsday Device from the Butcher and Blade.  Butcher with a powerbomb on Nick for two, but Omega saves and hits everyone with snapdragons.  Butcher throws out of the last one, but the Bucks run wild now with the SUPERKICK PARTY.  Buckshot Lariat on Blade, but Butcher cuts him off, and so Page hits a fallaway slam on him but hurts his knee on the kip up.  The Bucks want a tag and Hangman tells them off, but Pentagon hits him with the Penta Driver for the pin at 13:18 as a result.  This was INSANE from start to finish.  Literally non-stop action and still managing to work in the story about Page feeling left on his own.  ****1/4

Tony Schiavone is out after the break to interview Kenny Omega, but Pac interrupts yet again, and this time he’s terrorizing Riho, so Kenny accepts the match to call him off.  But Pac clarifies that he’s not a monster.  But Nyla Rose is, and she lays out Riho with a powerbomb on a table.

Meanwhile, Darby Allin takes a flamethrower to a cardboard standee of Chris Jericho.  I’m a little unclear on his intentions there.

Kip Sabian v. Joey Janela

I should give kudos to the guy in the front row of the ramp with the “AKI: Make a new wrestling game” sign.  If ever there was a group of people who needed to do a Kickstarter, it’s the former AKI.  They could probably even release it on N64.  Sabian mocks Janela and stomps away in the corner, but Joey fires back with chops and a back suplex for two.  Sabian throws a kick to the back, so Joey takes him down and hits his own.  Then asks for one more from Kip.  So then Kip chinlocks him instead to be a troll.  Joey beats him down with some stiff sledges to the back, but Sabian backdrops him to the apron and sends him into the stairs with help from Penelope.  We take a break and return with Sabian hitting a draping DDT for two.  Joey comes back with a suicide dive, but gets distracted by Ford again and Sabian kicks him from the apron and follows with a 450 attempt.  Janela catches him on the way down and suplexes him on the floor to counter.  Back in with a lariat for two.  Sabian gets a high kick, but Joey superkicks him, so Sabian gets a backstabber and follows with a knee strike.  But he walks into a neckbreaker for two.  They slug it out and Sabian DDTs him, which allows Ford the chance to make out with him and recharge his batteries.  And indeed, Sabian rolls him up for the pin with a handful of tights at 11:00 after Joey accidentally knocks Ford off the apron.  Another banger in a series of them tonight.  ***3/4

Meanwhile, Santana now his own eye patch, and Chris Jericho thinks that going for another man’s eye is despicable.  So next week:  REVENGE.

Meanwhile, Hangman Page is about to give an interview, but the Bucks storm in and accuse Page of being a DRUNK.  So Page takes a giant swing from a pitcher of disgusting beer to forget his troubles.

MJF is out with Wardlow to deliver his 10 lashes to Cody, but he wants to use Coyd’s own belt to be a dick.  So Cody takes 3 of them and it’s pretty nasty, but AA marches out and gives Cody the pep talk, and the beating continues.  After five of them, Dustin comes out and offers himself instead, but MJF demands that it has to be Cody that takes them.  Then the Bucks come down for support with three left, but Cody takes it and keeps getting up.  Then Wardlow gives him #9, which of course was not part of the deal, completely laying out Cody with it.  But then Brandi returns from the dark side and gets him to rise up one last time, and he takes #10 across the chest to finish the stipulation and move onto the cage match in Atlanta.  And then after the babyfaces help Cody to his feet, MJF runs out and kicks him in the nuts and then runs into the crowd like a COWARD to end the show.  And some dude attacks him at the top of stairs because he’s such a great heel!  But GODDAMN, Cody, talk about suffering for your art.  Clearly he’s one of the top babyfaces in the world today after that beating.

Some great matches and a super-intense and compelling Cody segment to end it make this a great episode!