Smackdown – September 1, 2005

Date: September 1, 2005
Location: Jacksonville Veterans Memorial Coliseum, Jacksonville, Florida
Attendance: 5,000
Commentators: Michael Cole, Tazz

It’s the last night on Thursday and we have a pesky network boss running around trying to tell Teddy Long how to do his job. This is going to be an interesting show as it is mainly going to exist as a setup for next week’s big edition, meaning I wouldn’t expect too much to happen. Maybe they can surprise me though. Let’s get to it.

Opening sequence.

Heidenreich vs. Joey Mercury

Animal, Melina and Johnny Nitro are all here. Heidenreich and Animal clear the ring to start and Mercury’s cheap shot at the bell doesn’t work. They head outside with Heidenreich beating him up even more but Mercury catches him with a neck snap across the top rope to take over. Nitro even gets in a cheap shot so Mercury can drop a knee. We hit the chinlock but Heidenreich is straight back up with the one two combinations. A big boot staggers Mercury and a chokebomb gives Heidenreich the pin.

Rating: D. What else were you expecting? Animal and Heidenreich are the new monsters and there is no reason to have someone as small as Mercury be a serious threat. The tag match itself could be better but they’ve been very smart to keep things quick in these matches. It’s the best thing they could do, even though they haven’t exactly been great.

Post match Animal gets beaten down in the corner but Heidenreich makes the save. Mercury and Nitro have to save Melina from the Doomsday Device and Animal gets sent into the steps. The Snapshot leaves Heidenreich laying.

Jillian Hall is grateful to Palmer Cannon for the title shot next week. Oh and he likes her…earrings, and was certainly not looking at her blemish. Jillian leaves so here are Christy Hemme and Stacy Keibler. He apologizes for last week but standards and practices didn’t like the idea of a lingerie match. They can have a regular match tonight instead.

Here’s Cowboy Bob Orton to introduce his son Randy. After a lot of posing, Randy talks about his dad telling him that he would be the greatest wrestler ever. Eventually, every legend would fall at Randy’s feet and that makes Bob a genius. It’s interesting that no one has ever seen Undertaker has Summerslam because he’s running scared.

That’s why the two of them have signed Undertaker’s new DVD and you can bid on it at The money goes to the Undertaker’s retirement fund and Randy will match it dollar for dollar. Undertaker can even come here in person next week and accept his retirement fund. As for tonight, Randy has Rey Mysterio, who has lied to his son for years. Tomorrow, he’ll have to lie to his son again when his son asks if Rey won his match, because tonight it’s the RKO.

Chris Benoit wants to test his timing again so let’s see how long it takes him to, ahem, relieve himself. Benoit beats the time, though hand washing may not have been included.

US Title: Chris Benoit vs. Orlando Jordan

Jordan is challenging and we have a clock on screen. Jordan unloads in the corner but gets Crossfaced for the tap at 23.4 seconds. This is great stuff.

Christy Hemme vs. Stacy Keibler

The bell rings but hold on as here’s Sylvain (Grenier) to say the two of them don’t compare to him. Cue Hardcore Holly to say that he doesn’t care about Sylvester because he’s here to see the girls. Sylvain calls him Bobby and gets beaten up.

Teddy Long and Palmer Cannon preview next week’s show and mention that next week’s JBL vs. Batista match will be a bullrope match. As for tonight, JBL has the night off, which is news to Long. Since he doesn’t like the surprise, he has one of his own: next week it’s Eddie Guerrero vs. Rey Mysterio inside a cage.

Booker T. vs. Ken Kennedy

Christian, with a broken nose, is on commentary and Sharmell is here with Booker. Kennedy isn’t happy with Tony Chimmel’s introduction though, suggesting that he sounds like the adults in a Charlie Brown special. After handling his own introduction, Kennedy asks if you can dig that, earning himself a forearm to the face. Booker jumps him to start and stomps Kennedy down in the corner, which Christian seems to like. A superkick puts Kennedy down for two and a backdrop gets two as it’s one sided so far.

Kennedy misses a spinning kick to the face so he keeps spinning and catches him the second time around. Booker gets sent into the corner as Tazz diagnoses Christian’s thumb injury. Some shots to the face keep Booker in trouble but he’s right back with his own kick to the face. That just earns him a hot shot and a running neckbreaker for two so Booker grabs a spinebuster for another comeback. Hold on though as we need a Spinarooni as Sharmell goes over to yell at Christian. The distraction lets Kennedy catch him on top for the super Regal Roll and the pin.

Rating: C. Egads this Sharmell stuff needs to go far away as it’s just her yelling at people and being annoying. What matters here though is Kennedy getting a much harder push in a hurry. Beating Funaki is the Smackdown version of a participation award and the fans know it, so giving him a win over someone who matters is something that could actually get him somewhere.

Here’s Simon Dean, on his personalized Segway (the Dean Machine), to say that Batista is a Simon System user. It has made him bigger, stronger and faster, but not smarter. Hit the music.

Batista vs. Simon Dean

Non-title. Hold on though as Batista can’t remember trying the Simon System. He’s willing to try it though because he’s into fitness and open minded. Batista tries some and says he feels bigger, stronger….and more aggressive. The big clothesline starts us off and the beating is on in a hurry. Batista hits the spinebuster but stops for more to drink, which makes him shake the rope. The Batista Bomb connects but he grabs the drink and poses with it as he covers Dean with one foot. This gave me a few chuckles and was a different way of using Batista, which is a good idea.

William Regal/Paul Burchill vs. Scotty 2 Hotty/Funaki

Fallout from this weekend’s Velocity where Burchill debuted and helped Regal beat Scotty down. Scotty and Regal start things off with Regal’s arm getting worked over. Funaki comes in and monkey flips Burchill, only to miss a charge and get sent head first into the mat. Regal comes back in to suplex Funaki but an armdrag is enough for the tag off to Scotty. Everything breaks down and Regal gets in a cheap shot, setting up a shoulder breaker from Burchill. A Fujiwara armbar makes Scotty tap in a hurry. Burchill looked good in his debut.

We preview next week’s big show.

Eddie Guerrero is standing behind a piece of a cage and very quietly says Rey didn’t just get Eddie’s son. Rey got his whole family because Vickie Guerrero cost Eddie the match. That made Eddie realize something though: she wasn’t just shoving the ladder over to save Rey’s family because she had lost him too. It’s Eddie’s fault though because he had Rey at the edge of defeat so many times and toyed with him. Next week Rey will have to take him on, but how can he beat someone who has already lost everything? This was almost creepy.

Rey Mysterio vs. Randy Orton

Bob is here with Randy, who starts with some early short jokes. These mesmerize Mysterio so much that Randy can kick him in the ribs and forearm him out to the floor. Back in and a heck of a clothesline drops Mysterio but he’s right back up with a hurricanrana to the floor. This time Mysterio gets to mock Orton a bit by stealing his pose on the ropes. Orton gets back in so Rey hammers away to really rock him for a change.

That’s a little too much for Orton who throws him under the bottom rope and we take a break. Back with Orton holding a standing chinlock of all things before saying Rey is as big as his ten year old brother. Mysterio is back with a dropkick to the knee but Orton hits….a delayed atomic drop. Not exactly a big heel move but Rey sold it sell enough. The chinlock goes on again for a good while, followed by a rake of the boot to the face.

Rey gets in a rollup for a quick two and the sitout bulldog puts Orton down again. Orton’s backbreaker gets a pair of near falls but he dives off the middle rope into the raised boots. As luck would have it, Orton falls into the ropes but gets up before the 619 can connect. Orton uppercuts him from his knees instead, only to run into a boot so Rey can hit the springboard seated senton. A headscissors sets up the 619 but Bob breaks up the West Coast Pop. Randy hits him low and puts Rey on top for a super RKO and the pin.

Rating: C+. This took some time to get going but they’re talented enough that the match was almost always going to be good. Orton winning was hardly a secret but it helps when you have Mysterio out there to do whatever you want from him. Bob is fine for a short term addition but Orton has already been a main eventer on his own and doesn’t exactly need him out there. It’s a good act for now though and as long as it doesn’t drag so long, it should work out.

A promo for the show moving to Fridays ends the show.

Overall Rating: C. The show was fine enough, though not exactly something memorable. One thing I really do like at the moment is that the way that they’re doing short form stuff with some bigger names. Stuff like Batista and Benoit running through people is a good way to get them on television and pop the crowd without wasting anything. It’s a different way of doing things and rather nice for a change. Next week’s show is a big one though and that’s the one that matters.

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