Well, here we are.
Let’s do this.
PRO WRESTLING EVE – WrestleQueendom 3 – 229 The Venue – January 11th, 2020
Emily and her mohawk tells us that our first contest is set for one fall, and cue the music of Nina Samuels! The superstar makes her way to the ring to the usual chorus of boos. Remember that. And now, here’s Jinny! Crowd is much kinder to the queen. Yeah, she is. Charlotte Flair can take a fuckin’ seat.
Jinny vs Nina Samuels
Nina runs at her from the bell and they lock up, Jinny getting the takedown with an armbar. Wristlock by Jinny and she makes Nina scream glorious screams on the mat. Warms my heart. Back to her feet and Nina pulls hair into a headlock takeover. They fight it out on the mat and their facial expressions are just so tremendous, even for these simple exchanges.
Nina picks the ankle and resists Jinny’s attempts to escape, even blocking a kick into a sitting cloverleaf. Nina gabs Jinny’s head and just slams it into the mat, but stops to smirk and gets taken down as a result. Back up now and Jinny just wrecks her with knee strikes in the corner and a back elbow off a blind charge. She follows that up with a ‘rana to drive the crowd bonkers, but gets sent to the floor off her next charge. Jinny gets back to the apron, but a handstand kick from Nina sends her back to the floor, where Nina joins her to dish out the whuppins’.
Back in and Nina whips Jinny to the buckle as a few of her fans are being heard now. Jinny bumps like a pinball off the corner whips because she’s fucking awesome, then Nina gets a tilt-a-whirl backbreaker for two. And now the crowd is evenly split because Samuels is being fucking awesome as well. They trade forearms and Jinny goes for the submission again, with Nina barely grasping the bottom rope.
Jinny goes for another ‘rana, but Nina catches it and turns it into a Ligerbomb, because really, why the fuck not? That gets two. Nina hooks a Gory stretch, but Jinny escapes and a double high kick puts both women down. They slug it out and Jinny ends up on the floor, but Nina misses a baseball slide and Jinny absolutely ETHERS her with a forearm. Back in for the delayed senton for two. Crowd is openly cheering for both women now.
Jinny goes for the Acid Rainmaker, but Nina reverses that to an inverted suplex for two. Nina goes up, Jinny cuts her off so Nina cartwheels off the top rope to the apron, then hits Jinny with a high kick and a corkscrew for two. Off the ropes, Jinny goes over the top and comes down with a DDT. Nina ends up on the top rope and some fan yells “Let’s go Nina!”, so Jinny tells him to shut up. Goddamn right. Jinny goes for a superplex, but Nina slips out and tries a top rope powerbomb, which Jinny turns into a ‘rana (Jinny lands on her goddamn HEAD in the process) for two.
They get increasingly desperate as time starts to run down (and I was almost expecting a draw at this point, even though I knew the match result) going into a rolling pinfall reversal sequence, but Nina leaves her arms exposed and that allows Jinny to grab them and put her in the surfboard submission, and Nina submits with 9 seconds left in the match. WHEW. JINNY OVER NINA SAMUELS, SUBMISSION, 14:51
THOUGHTS: ****1/4. Well, they just Pillman/Liger’d the entire show. This was absolutely tremendous professional wrestling from both women. I can pile on the superlatives for each portion of the match (crisp moves, great facials, tremendous pacing), but the only thing you really need to know is that nothing else is going to touch this match. They had fire out there and made me believe that they truly hated each other with every fiber of their being, and therefore they had to just hit each other hard until one lost.
Post-match, Jinny puts her arms around her waist, because she wants da belt! She should have the belt! I want her to have the belt! GIVE HER THE FUCKING BELT!
Okay, that was the opener. Good luck, everyone else!
Emily is back, and both she and her mohawk are ROCKIN’ that outfit. And out first for this next match, we’ve got Killer Kelly making her return to EVE! Cool, I dig Kelly muchly. Her opponent will be Roxxy, who had herself a pretty decent year in EVE.
Killer Kelly vs Roxxy
Lockup goes nowhere to start, and we get a rope run sequence that ends with no one hitting anything. Roxxy seems quite pleased with herself, so Kelly just double chops her in the chest. Roxxy no-likey and works her over in the corner, but a cross-corner whip by Kelly is followed with a pump kick in the corner from the killer, then a Penalty Kick from Kelly for two. Roxxy comes back with a headbutt and double knees for two. Dropkick from Roxxy, but she misses a blind charge and Kelly hits her with a German suplex. They stand and trade forearms, then slaps as this is getting vicious in all the right ways.
Kelly catches the arms and nails Roxxy with headbutts, then a butterfly suplex. Delayed dropkick by Kelly in the corner. Roxxy comes back with a double stomp and a belly-to-back suplex, but she goes up and gets cut off by Kelly, who grabs her in a fireman’s carry for the rolling Death Valley Driver. And that’ll do us here. KILLER KELLY OVER ROXXY, PINFALL, 5:54
THOUGHTS: ***. About as good a match as you’re going to get with the time constraints here; I wouldn’t have minded seeing about 5 more minutes of this, as it was all action with some really crazy stiff striking exchanges. Kelly getting the clean win was the right call since it was her first match back in EVE after some time away, but Roxxy didn’t look like a chump and got enough in to keep it competitive. This was fun.
Emily makes her entrance again as we start the show proper.
And now, it’s the Queendom Rumble!
Mercedez Blaze draws #1, Skye Smitson #2, and we’re off. Blaze immediately hits a dropkick to send Skye to the corner, then a ‘rana after that. Blaze is really good and definitely could be a player very, very soon. Skye comes back with a dropkick of her own to turn the tide. They battle in the corner and Nightshade is #3. She dominates with clotheslines and T-Bone suplexes on both women. Nightshade feels like she’s got potential if she keeps improving. She’s green, but better than a lot of the others at this point. Chakara is next at #4, and she teams up with Blaze to lay the beats on Nightshade and Smitson. They pair off and Rebel Kinney, #5, is the next out of the chute. Crossbodies to Nightshade and Blaze, then she comes face to face with Skye; but they hug it out like good tag partners should.
Livvii Grace is #6, and now we essentially have 3 tag teams in there. They pair off that way, no eliminations yet. Mischa East at #7, who I’ve never seen but am told by commentary that she’s essentially early ECWs Mikey Whipwreck, in that she has yet to hit an offensive move in EVE. The smallest competitor in EVE, Violet O’Hara, is next at #8 as we need to get some room in that ring, we’re starting to clog up. She comes in with a missile dropkick off the top rope, then goes up again and hits a crossbody onto Mercedez and Kinney, does it again onto 3 other wrestlers, then goes up AGAIN and comes off with a somersault senton. Uh, can someone just push her off the top? Duchess Louise Jane is our #9 competitor as we’re just kind of hitting each other at this point. Jane does slam Grace in an impressive power display. Kira Chimera is #10, and she’s got herself a bat. The ref takes away said bat, so Kira comes in anyway and hits Chakara with a stunner, which Chakara is more than happy to oversell with a bounce that would have made the Rock proud.
Kara is #11, and she’s got a vampire look about her. There are WAY too many people in the ring at this point. Blaze hits a nice suplex as our #12 is Hollie Barlow, who was nominated for the match by Lana Austin. Lucky #13? It can only be Jetta, who will hopefully start to clear out this ring a bit. She sings her theme song all the way to the ring, allowing Nightshade and Grace to jump her on the floor. They post her twice….and leave her on the floor, instead of throwing her into the ring to toss her out. That’s pretty dumb. #14 is Dominita, as we’re now 14 women in, more than 20 minutes into the match, and no one has been tossed. Dominita….well, dominates, as everyone backs away in fear before she goes to town. She picks up Hollie and we finally, finally have our first elimination as Hollie hits the floor. Violet gives it a go, but she gets powerbombed over the top by Dominita. And our last competitor at #15 is the one and only Saraya Knight, back for the first time since losing a Loser-Leaves-EVE match back in 2011.
Crowd goes bonkers for Knight, who comes in and immediately tosses Kira. Kara tries next, but no joy as Knight tosses her, and now Dominita is ready for the face-off.,,,but it’s a high five instead, as apparently they’re together. So the rest of the competitors attack them in two groups, Finally, everyone in the ring teams up to dump Dominita as Knight watches, amused. Dominita no-likey and grabs Knight by the hair, allowing Blaze to sneak up and throw her out. They keep brawling through the crowd and to the back. I’m extremely confused.
Chakara ends up over the top to the apron, and a Skye superkick sends her out of the match. Rebel Kinney tosses Louise Jane on the other side, while Blaze hangs on for dear life against Smitson. Jetta has made her way into the ring at this point as Rebel attempts to make sure that Skye teams up with her, but Kinney turns her back and Skye throws her out. Livvii charges Skye, who pulls down the top rope to send Grace bye-bye, and we’re down to our final 4: Nightshade, Smitson, Blaze, and Jetta.
Jetta reverses a Blaze throw-out attempt with one of her own and Blaze is done after entering #1, while Nightshade does the same to Skye and it’s down to Nightshade and Jetta. Crowd is crazy for Jetta. Nightshade throws her over the top, but Jetta lands on the apron and fights her way back in. Clothesline by Nightshade and she looks to finish with an Electric Chair, but Jetta punches her way to the rope and uses a headscissors to take Nightshade over the top to win the Queendom Rumble. JETTA WINS THE RUMBLE, 31:21
THOUGHTS: *3/4. This thing got clogged up really quickly and never recovered, as the first 20 minutes was just death. No stories being told, very few mini-feuds being paid off, just another person comes in, does her thing, then ends up against the ropes. I get the feeling that it must be difficult when you have women from so many different promotions and very few existing feuds to work with, but it was a tough watch. The last 10 minutes or so perked up a bit, and the length push for both Blaze and Skye was good, along with Nightshade showing some fire in the match and Jetta being the absolute correct choice for the winner. Battle Royales are pretty tough to rate anyway, though.
Jetta gives Nightshade the finger before waving at the crowd. I would assume there’s at least a decent chance she gets a title shot at Jamie Hayter, in that she doesn’t have a tag partner and has already done the dance with Rhia. We’ll see.
Emily gives the crowd intros of Sierra Loxton and Leah Owens, who are our commentators this evening.
And up next, we’ve got the music of Lana Austin! Yuka Sakazaki makes her way to the ring next, as this match has an actual backstory – Lana has always wanted to work in Japan, but won’t leave her family behind for an entire tour, so EVE brought Yuka to her. That actually interests me a bit as a character beat, so let’s see how they play this.
Lana Austin vs Yuka Sakazaki
Handshake and bow to start. Feeling out process to start us off, with Yuka escaping a headlock and taking Lana to the mat, so Austin counters into a wristlock. Yuka does a funny spot with the ref and I kind of like her. More trading of wristlocks and no one can gain any sustained advantage. Yuka with a headscissors escape from a headlock, Austin in the ropes, Yuka waits until the count of 4, breaks, then again threatens to fight the ref. Hee! I probably shouldn’t be falling for this, but I am. She’s fun.
Austin decides to take a breather in the front row while this is going on, giving a fan’s lap in the front row a treat. I’m sorry, that was kind of dirty. We run the ropes and Yuka gets some neat reversals in, as does Lana, before Yuka sends her to the mat. Lana back up now and we finally get to throwin’ some leather, as Austin just fires away on Sakazaki, including a running uppercut in the corner. Seated dropkick gets two for Lana. Another one gets two. Boston Crab now from Lana, but Yuka makes the ropes. Huge lariat clobbers Yuka for two.
Yuka comes back with a Rocker Dropper into a stretch, but Austin escapes that, and follows with a headbutt. She misses a blind charge in the corner and Yuka fires punches. Sakazaki goes to the top and puts a triangle on Austin, then falls backwards into a Tarantula. She follows that up with a dive off the top, then a ‘rana and a sliding clothesline to put them both on the floor. They end up on the stage and Yuka attempts to climb the lighting rig, but Lana cuts her off before that can happen, dragging her around the venue.
Yuka charges and Lana avoids it, but Yuka ends up on the stage and dives off onto Lana. Austin comes back and tosses Yuka in the ring, then hits a clothesline as we’re at 3 minutes left in the time limit. Legdrop by Austin, then a discus forearm (nice one, too) gets two for Lana. Austin powerbombs Yuka out of the corner for two, as she’s up against the time limit and knows it, allowing Yuka to hit a powerslam for two. Flatliner by Yuka and she attempts a spinning diver of some kind, but Austin gets dropped on her damned head almost, and that gets two. Yuka looks to finish with a flying splash, but there’s no water in that pool as Lana moves. Austin quickly tries for a rope-assisted DDT, but she’s too late as the time limit is up. TIME LIMIT DRAW, 15:00
THOUGHTS: ***. I really appreciated this more on the second viewing, honestly. I liked the match the first time out, but I enjoyed the flow a lot more the second time, as they built from the respectful start to them just throwing bombs at each other as the time started to run down. That can seem disjointed to some and I won’t argue that, but I found that the match worked better for me on a second viewing because I knew that already, and instead concentrated on the little things that worked within the match and the way that I felt the tonal shift worked. I don’t know if Yuka is even considered a ‘good’ worker over in Japan, but she was super-fun here and I fell for her act, while this was probably my favorite Lana match ever, as she held her own in there; her story of wanting to prove herself by wrestling in Japan and then taking a champion to a draw was really pretty cool. I rather enjoyed this.
Crowd gives them a standing ovation and they both pose on the ramp before heading to the back.
Read the recap of the next match with the usual caveats and appropriate grains of salt when it comes to me and comedy wrestling, okay?
Session Moth Martina vs Maki Itoh
Itoh is introduced by Emily as “the cutest girl in the world”, and Martina takes great offense to the crowd chanting said phrase, so she gives the crowd what-for until they chant for her instead. Martina dances Itoh to the corner, and by that I mean literally – she backs her into the corner with power of her gyrating hips. Dance-off now and Maki takes a shot, which Martina no-sells. Martina takes a quick breather and gets her beer in the corner, and it’s BEER MIST for Itoh, who….cries. “Say you’re sorry!” is the chant from the crowd, so Martina does, and promptly gets her foot stomped on by Itoh.
Martina drives Itoh to the corner and hits the broncobuster, then follows it with a 10-count of, well, we’ll call them ‘hip thrusts’. She tries a headbutt, but Itoh is, by wrestling stereotype, apparently part-Samoan, because she no-sells it and hits one of her own to put them both down. Back up and they get into a tug-of-war over the beer, which Itoh WINS. Color me shocked – I would never get between Martina and her beer. My life would be at stake. Regardless, Itoh takes a swig of the magical energizing beer and she’s BOOZIN’ UP! Nah, she just kind of staggers all over the ring, instantly tipsy.
Martina taunts Itoh for being a lightweight, so Maki DDTs her for her insolence. Fists in the corner and a falling headbutt get two for Itoh. Martina comes back with an enzuigiri and a twisting suplex for two. Martina goes for a head kick and connects….but hurts her own foot, see, because Maki has a really hard head. Yep. Jumping DDT from Itoh is followed by a flying headbutt for two. Maki follows that up by putting on a Cloverleaf with a knee to the back similar to a Liontamer, and that’s enough for Martina to cry uncle. MAKI ITOH OVER SESSION MOTH MARTINA, SUBMISSION, 7:29
THOUGHTS: **. It was what the crowd wanted, so it was a good match on that front. There were the usual lapses in psychology that are common to these matches (Itoh’s head isn’t hard enough to stop an enzuigiri, but a straight head kick hurts Martina? Huh?), but I’ve already stated that these matches really aren’t my thing. Toru Yano is pretty much the only guy who can do them and consistently make me laugh. Either way, it’s a YMMV match, so if you dig it, more power to you.
Post-match, Martina wants a handshake, but Maki gives her the finger instead, which just delights the Session Moth even more as she makes her exit. Itoh gets a mic and extols the crowd to buy her merch, as she’s poor (“I AM POOR!!!”). Well, that makes her the most honest indy wrestler I’ve ever seen, I must say.
Up next, the sharp and needle-like stabs of pain in my head can only mean that Avril is being played and Zoe Lucas is making her way to the ring. Man, Zoe, you don’t need to do SHIT to be a heel to me except play that godforsaken song. ZOE LUCAS MUST DIE. And her opponent is the debuting Nor “Phoenix” Diana, the world’s only wrestler who wears a hijab! She can wear a fucking barrel to the ring if she wants, I just want to see her BEAT ZOE’S ASS. This is her first match in EVE and it’s pretty up on the card, so let’s see what she’s got!
Zoe Lucas vs Nor “Phoenix” Diana
Zoe attacks before the bell as Nor is posing on the buckles, and we’re off as Emily runs for her life. She clobbers her with forearms and chokes away with the boot in the corner. She throws Nor across the ring and there’s more boot chokin’. Nor tries a cradle and La Majistral, but Lucas knocks her back down with a forearm.
Another toss across the ring and Lucas taunts her, with Nor getting a very sloppy crucifix for two. Lucas responds by booting her down and then it’s back to the corner for more boot choking, then a running high kick. Lucas has been eating her for lunch in there. To the buckle and it’s MORE boot choking by Zoe, as this is going downhill quick. Lucas stops to taunt the crowd, then gets a headscissors to send Lucas to the floor. Nor gets a running start and hits a very nice tope to Lucas on the outside now, to hopefully finally get this match in gear a bit.
Back in the ring and Nor hits a few clotheslines and covers for two. Northern Lights suplex by Nor gets two. Lucas fires back with a kick to the head and a rolling Death Valley Driver and a Penalty Kick for two. Nor counters off the ropes with a….kind of DDT for two? Looks like she almost lost it at the last second there. Nor goes up, but Lucas cuts her off by going to the eyes and tries a powerbomb, which Nor reverses to a ‘rana for the pin. NOR DIANA OVER ZOE LUCAS, PINFALL, 7:56
THOUGHTS: **. I have no idea how much experience Nor has outside of what we’ve seen in EVE, but there’s a long way to go with her. She did the basic stuff fine in there, but the match was essentially Lucas eating her alive and Nor just countering with hope spots. You know the formula, because Rey Mysterio Jr has used it for years against bigger men. And maybe Nor will turn out to be Rey someday, but today ain’t that day. Match was boring Zoe offense with lots of leg moves and heel work, and that wasn’t enough for me, because I didn’t buy most of Nor’s comeback spots or believe them. But hey, who knows?
Zoe throws a tantrum after the match as Diana gives her the “L” for loser sign.
Pretty good video package airs on Di Matteo/O’Reilly. Would have been a bit better if I could have seen it up close, but they use a hard cam shot of the screen. Maybe that’s all they had. Regardless, the story remains tried and true – Rhia has tortured Laura for the last six months, costing her everything and now it’s time for O’Reilly to pay. Rhia, for her part, vows to drop Laura on her head one last time and tells her that this time, Laura won’t be getting up. Good enough for me.
Laura is out first with some sweet pyro for the challenger. Rhia is out next with Livvii and Nightshade, as Laura was supposed to have Heidi Katrina in her corner for this match, but Heidi was attacked by Rhia earlier in the day and so Laura will have to go it alone.
Rhia O’Reilly (C) (w/ Livvii Grace & Nightshade) vs Laura Di Matteo – Pro Wrestling EVE Championship match
Laura attacks Rhia during O’Reilly’s entrance, taking out both Nightshade and Livvii in the process. Laura and Rhia brawl all over ringside with Nightshade and Grace getting involved at various points until Di Matteo takes them out with a somersault off the stage. She follows that with a tope from the ring to Rhia. Finally, they both end up in the ring and bell rings. And we go back to the floor again, with Laura sending Rhia into the chairs.
Nightshade and Livvii get involved again, but Di Matteo takes them out, which allows Rhia to hit Laura with a chair. More brawling as they end up backstage, which we can hear from the commentary team before they come back through the entrance and Rhia slams Laura’s head into the screen rigging. She follows that with curb stomp on Laura on the stage now. She drags Laura back to the ring for two off that. Well, we’re back in the ring, so that’s something.
Rhia goes for the Rhiadjustment, but that gets blocked and Laura fires up. She no-sells Rhia’s forearms and hits her own, then a Codebreaker. Side Russian Legsweep, but Rhia fights off the stretch. Laura comes off the ropes, but it’s right into the DDT for two from Rhia. Forearms a-go-go from Rhia and she puts Laura on top, resists Laura’s attempts to fight off and yanks her down onto her face.
Laura comes back with a dropkick, then a few more kicks to set up a short DDT and the stretch, but here come Grace and Nightshade AGAIN. Laura releases the hold (NOTE TO ALL BABYFACES EVER: NEVER release the hold!) and goes after them on the apron. They continue to argue with the ref and Laura turns around….into a top rope dropkick from someone in a blue hoodie! Rhia with the Rhiadjustment, 1, 2, NO! But Rhia just hits her with another one, elevated this time, and that’s enough to get the pin. RHIA O’REILLY OVER LAURA DI MATTEO, PINFALL, 7:39
THOUGHTS: **. Sorry, they missed me almost completely. I didn’t like the way the match was paced, I didn’t like all the cheap heat that was used (Grace and Nightshade interfered at multiple points both before and after the match, which was ridiculous; if you toss them after the first instance and they come back out, you get the same ending and the ref doesn’t look silly, which enhances the story as opposed to weakening it), and I didn’t think the work they did was all that great. It was a lot of forearms, kicks, and nothing that really popped my eyes open. They tried to make us think that Laura was going to overcome it all in spots, but I never bought it.
Oh, and before someone comes in with the ‘heels cheat’ speech, yes, they do. They fucking do. But Rhia has done the same shit over and over for the last six months as they’ve run through all the good old angles (the impromptu title match with an exhausted Viper, the fake title switch with Roxxy, the mauling of plucky underdog Jetta after an upset in a tournament setting) to the point where I actively do not want to watch O’Reilly’s matches. They do not interest me. It’s not that I don’t want to see her get beat, I do not wish to watch her wrestle. And see, the thing is, I don’t think she’s a bad wrestler, nor do I think she can’t be a tremendous asset to EVE (if you don’t believe that, watch her **** match with Jetta from the SHE-1 just this year, because she more than held up her end in that match) – but this character, this incarnation, if you will, does not incite the feelings of, say, Nina Samuels, where I just want to see her get her ass beat. I just want her to go away from the top of the card. And I’m pretty sure that’s not how I’m supposed to feel.
I mean, I review this show because I love this company and I’m going to continue to do so. One angle/character/match wouldn’t cause me to lose that, so I’ll just ride the wave for the time being. There’s so many awesome wrestlers in this company and the booking is normally quite fine, so I have no desire to be a dick. But this was just not good and I wanted it to be, very much, and I don’t have any intention of letting them off the hook when I feel that way.
Post-match, the attacker is revealed to be Skye Smitson, as Rhia’s faction grows even more mediocre.
Ouch, that was mean. I didn’t really mean that. Skye’s green, but she’s not without potential.
Time for our non-wrestling entertainment of the evening, Storm Hooper. She does some bitchin’ things with light-up hula hoops.
Main event time! We get a video package to set us up, with Millie McKenzie winning the SHE-1 and using her title challenge for the EVE tag titles; the rise of Gisele Shaw, who has been a revelation this year as she and Sammii Jayne won said tag titles; and the former champs, the Woke Queens making this thing a triple threat by invoking their rematch. Solid stuff, reasons for everyone to be there.
The dulcet tones of Abba are first, welcoming the Woke Queens to the ring! Hey, after Avril, Abba’s sounding like Bob Dylan to these ears.
That’s a good thing, by the way.
The Medusa Complex is out next, and Charli Evans just looks delighted at being a face for once. I still hope she goes to the eyes at least once, or it just wouldn’t be Charli. Sammii and Shaw are out next, and I have to compliment Gisele’s resting bitch face, because it is ON POINT, baybee.
The Woke Queens (Debbie Keitel & Valkyrie) vs The Medusa Complex (Millie McKenzie & Charli Evans) vs Gisele Shaw & Sammii Jayne – 3-way Elimination match for the Pro Wrestling EVE tag team titles
Everyone pairs off and goes at as the bell rings, with Debbie and Sammii in the ring to start, as Debbie threatens to take control with a dropkick before a trip from Shaw turns the tide. Charli comes in and fares better, knocking Sammii to the mat and taking control with kicks. Beautiful fallaway slam by Evans sends Sammii to the floor, so Valkyrie comes in. They do a great sequence with Valkyrie hitting a neckbreaker and standing moonsault for two.
Charli slides outside and Shaw comes in, so Valkyrie takes a powder as well. Gisele thinks it’s her ring, but here comes Millie and now Shaw bails to the floor and grabs a chair. Jayne tries a sneak attack but Millie catches her and Charli helps her double-team Jayne out of the ring, so the Woke Queens come in and hit clotheslines on Medusa Complex, allowing Shaw and Jayne to drop them from behind.
We finally get a tag from Shaw to Jayne, and they tag in and out, double-teaming Keitel. Northern Lights from Jayne gets two. Sideslam from Shaw gets two. Keitel fights back with a knee to the face, but Shaw cuts her off and pounds away on the mat. Gisele and Jayne continue to just annihilate Keitel, including an absolutely awesome running lariat by Shaw that gets two. Three Amigos attempt is blocked on the third try and we finally get HOT TAG Valkyrie.
Valkyrie comes in and runs wild, with a crossbody and a dropkick on Jayne, then starts wiping out the Medusas with jumping enzuigiris. God damn, she’s awesome. She tells Debbie to go under the ring and find the biggest weapon she can find, and Keitel comes back with a baking pan. Alrighty. Through various shenanigans that unfold, both Queens end up on the receiving end of the sweet pan goodness, and Shaw shoves Jayne, telling her to get the tables.
The table they choose has barbed wire on it, because really, what good is any table without some good barbed wire? Helps to hold the tablecloth on, just as one example. Sammii attempts to suplex Debbie over the top and through the table on the floor, but Keitel avoids that and drops Sammii on the apron. She can’t avoid the baking pan to the back from Shaw, though. Shaw goes around the ring and tosses chairs in the ring, as this match is taking a turn down a road it really didn’t need to travel. Things were going fine, there’s no real reason to go hardcore here.
Suplex attempt onto the chairs by Shaw is blocked, and the Woke Queens hit the fireman’s carry double-team neckbreaker onto the chairs to kill Gisele dead. The Medusas are back in now and they take out the Queens with double German suplexes. Valkyrie gets sent to a chair in the corner now, and Jayne comes back in. She knocks down Evans and hits a decent jumping enzuigiri on Millie. Now to Charli, as she takes Evans out against the ropes with a lungblower and the Shadowfax. She climbs back to the apron but McKenzie fucking SPRINTS across the ring and hits a spear through the ropes and the table onto Sammii! Jayne hit her head on the bottom step and is done for. That looked fucking terrifying and even Dann Read is over to check on her, but Jayne has just enough to roll back into the ring and get pinned by Debbie to eliminate Shaw and Jayne, thereby ensuring we will have NEW tag team champs!
Thankfully, Sammii was okay after the show and had some bitchin’ pics on her social media of the back of her head.
So we’re down to Medusa and the Queens. They stagger back to their feet slugging it out, and promptly all end up down again. Charli sets up chairs and they slug it out from there, with Valkyrie taking out Millie with a very nice dropkick. Debbie works on Charli as apparently, we’re tagging again? I am honestly very confused by the rules of this match. It’s traditional tag, it’s tornado, it’s hardcore, it’s all over the place. Valkyrie and Charli are in there now in a singles match I would very much like to see. The Queens put the heat on Evans as Charli just goes effortlessly from being a heel to being a straight-up face in peril. Charli Evans is so good, y’all. She’s the Ishii of this company – put her out there, and she will instantly elevate anyone she’s in the ring with.
Charli finally gets a dragon-screw legwhip to buy some space, Valkyrie cuts her off, Charli hits a superkick, Valkyrie gets a Pele kick as she falls, Evans uses her last bit of strength to pop up and hit a clothesline to put Valkyrie down before collapsing. Both of them crawl for their respective corners, both make the tag! Millie in and she drops both Queens, dominating the ring. Spear on Debbie gets two. Debbie comes back with the Stroke and Valkyrie gets a moonsault out of the corner, then covers for two, despite them tagging and her being the illegal wrestler in the ring. I give the fuck up. I have no idea what the rules are at this point.
The Queens try a double suplex on Millie, but she goes over the top and tags in Charli, who comes in with a staple gun and a roll of sticks, because sure. Low kick by Charli into a suplex by Millie on Debbie, but that only gets two. Evans gets dropped on the ropes and Keitel jams the sticks into her forehead, which, you know, fucking OW. Unfortunately, Keitel made Charli BLEED HER OWN BLOOD, and that’s just a big no-no. Forearms afire from Evans have Debbie reeling, with Millie coming in for a double-team facebuster. Evans slaps on a Fujiwara armbar, then grabs the staple gun for good measure, stapling the head of Keitel until she submits. Ladies and gentlemen, we have NEW EVE tag team champions! THE MEDUSA COMPLEX OVER THE WOKE QUEENS & GISELE SHAW/SAMMII JAYNE, SUBMISSION, 25:53
THOUGHTS: ***3/4. They busted their ASSES out there, but boy oh boy, the structure of that match was all over the place. They just couldn’t settle on what they wanted it to be, so it was all over the place and I lost the thread of it as a result. That having been said, the work was exemplary in the match itself, so all credit to the wrestlers. The MVP of the match to me, almost surprisingly, was Valkyrie, who had the best sequences and the strongest moves and selling in the match. But everyone here was good, and the match itself was very good as a result; with a better, more consistent structure that would have been more conducive to storytelling, it’s an all-timer, but very good is all I go on it.
Charli and Millie pose with their belts to end the show.
FINAL THOUGHTS: I have many of them:
—This was a show of highs and lows, but it didn’t feel as epic in scope as I think they wanted it to. It felt more like a typical EVE show, with some good wrestling and some not-as-good wrestling, but for a show that goes three hours in length (assuming you watched the first two matches on demand), I don’t think that the quality matched up to the first two Queendoms. There was some really good wrestling on this show, don’t get me wrong, but nothing that was going to touch KLR/Meiko from Queendom 1 or the Nina/Jamie/Utami 3way from Queendom 2.
—EVE feels like it’s in a bit of a rebuilding phase in a lot of ways after the last six months. They’ve lost quite a few wrestlers to other places, although many of them are still working EVE. Now, I don’t know the internal politics of these companies for real, nor do I really care to speculate – rather, I look at what has happened with a lot of new faces in the main event scene, from LDM to Gisele and everyone in-between, and I think it’s fair to give them some time to figure that out.
—That having been said, I think it is time to pull the trigger on someone new and get the belt off Rhia. I think I said all I needed to say about that in my match review.
—There is a part of me that wonders if they’re shooting for the EVE 10th Anniversary show to be the ‘big’ show of the year this year, and if that’s the case, an underwhelming Queendom wouldn’t be a total surprise. Note, I’m not saying that they intentionally tanked it at all; rather that the culmination of some storylines may be written to take place there as opposed to having them taking place on this show, and that may be why parts felt a bit flat.
—My normally wrong predictions for EVE booking until then:
Jinny wins the non-title match against Rhia, but loses the title match against her. That covers two shows. Heidi Katrina will return to be the one to challenge Rhia for the belt at the 10th, as her storyline is built-in by the fact that she was taken out before Queendom ever happened by Rhia. Heidi will probably be the one to win the belt there, as she’s been put over super-strong since she came to EVE. Jamie Hayter will be back, possibly this Saturday, to drop the International title and then head back to Japan for the foreseeable future. I think there’s a decent chance Nightshade and Smitson, or some combo thereof, take the tag belts from the Medusas. Shaw turns on Jayne and they both head back to the singles ranks.
I write far too many words about this company. (Not a prediction, folks – that’s a SPOILER.)
Overall, the show was fine and I enjoyed quite a good chunk of it. And you should too, head on over to the EVE on-demand service and try it out for just 10 bucks. You can find that right here: https://eveondemand.pivotshare.com/home
Take care all, and watch some wrestling.
As always, thanks for reading this thing I wrote,
@MrSoze on Twitter