The SmarK Rant for ECW Wrestling on TNN – 11.26.99
Well with all the kids talkin’ ‘bout Heyman again recently, I figured it was time to go back to these again for a bit.
Taped from Chicago, IL. They’re at the Aragon Ballroom, so the setup is very different tonight. This was also taped more than a month before airdate, so not exactly fresh material.
Your hosts are Joey Styles & Joel “A tisket a tasket, let me slip my biscuit in your basket” Gertner.
Jerry Lynn joins us for an interview to start. Oh man, is this setting up a match with Super Crazy, I wonder? Or Little Guido? Or Tajiri? Or Little Guido AND Super Crazy AND Tajiri? Let’s find out! So Joey wants to know if Jerry is in CAHOOTS with Tajiri, and JL immediately pulls the plug and walks out.
I mean, accusing someone of being in cahoots is serious business. Especially in Chicago, that can get you shot or killed or even worse. Like, working for TNA.
Rhino is pretty pissed at Chris Candido because he was promised a warm-up, and if he doesn’t get it, he’ll “warm up all over Candido’s ass”. Ummm. Gonna leave that one there. So Tammy promises to get a half dozen guys for him to fight right away, and then they can proceed to the janitor’s closet when he’s done.
Meanwhile, in New York, New Jack cuts a promo from the subway and threatens to make Angel his “ho” and “bend him over and make him his bitch” like he did when he was in prison. Who says promo skills are a thing of the past?
ECW TV title: Rob Van Dam v. CW Anderson
CW charges and Rob gets a sunset flip out of the corner for two and puts him down with spinkicks. They fight for an armbar and RVD flips out of that and into a standing moonsault for two. CW comes back with a superkick for two and a neckbreaker for two. Anderson goes up and Rob brings him down with a spinkick and then bulldogs him into the apron, which is THE HARDEST PA…oh wait, we’re not doing that gag in 1999, never mind. Rob puts him on the railing and follows with the guillotine legdrop. Back in the ring, CW comes back with a spinebuster, but Rob tricks him into the Van Daminator and finishes him with the frog splash at 5:25. Good little squash for Rob as CW got some shine here. **1/2
Meanwhile, New Jack is still ranting and raving on the subway. If he’s gotta spend the night on the train, he will. Hopefully he doesn’t run into anyone dressed like a clown.
Impromptu Match: Rob Van Dam v. Sabu
So yeah, Sabu comes out and challenges Rob after the previous match, and they decide to go at it. Rob hits Rolling Thunder and the corkscrew legdrop, but goes up and gets crotched as a result. Sabu brings him down with a rana for two. Sabu grabs the chair and just smashes it off Rob’s head, and follows with the moonsault to send Rob to the floor and regroup. Sabu follows and Rob tosses him into the front row and follows with a flip dive into the crowd, and we take a break. Back with Sabu breaking a table on the floor, because why not. The table was there, Sabu was there, you do the math. And we take another break and return with Sabu somehow getting his knee stuck in the chair while trying a move off it, and then Rhino and Candido run in and attack both guys to apparently give Rhino his warm up. RVD and Sabu team up again to dump them and Rob hits them with a dive, and then hobbled Sabu wants one as well but can’t stand on the knee. So the heels retreat and the match is thrown out, as we’re left with no finish to this impromptu match. And then Rob turns on Sabu again and frog splashes a chair onto his knee for good measure. So I guess the match is just continuing? OK then. Fonzie tries to throw in the towel while Rob tortures the knee with submission holds, and finally he succeeds to give Rob the win. And you thought Randy Orton and Edge had a dysfunctional relationship. ***
Meanwhile, speaking of dysfunctional, New Jack is still on the train and still waiting for Da Baldies.
Little Guido v. Super Crazy
Oh hey, THERE’S our Crazy/Guido appearance of the week. I was beginning to get worried. Usual stuff to start and Crazy gets shoved onto Big Sal from the apron, but he comes back with a moonsault onto both Sal and Guido on the floor. Gertner on Big Sal: “Height six foot six, blood type Ragu…” Back in the ring they do more stalemate stuff and Guido gets a legsweep for two. Guido pounds away with chops in the corner and counters a moonsault attempt into a powerbomb for two. Crazy comes back with a swinging DDT. Guido gets the punches in the corner and chokes Guido out, but Big Sal runs in and the ref gets bumped. So Sal tries a powerbomb on Crazy and Crazy reverses it into a rana, which is pretty impressive. And then Tajiri and Jerry Lynn both run in and more stuff happens, which results in Guido on top for the pin at 6:30. Just midcard filler but they can literally have a good match in their sleep. ***
Meanwhile, on the train, New Jack gets stooged off to the location of Da Baldies, who are apparently on another train.
Justin Credible, Rhino & Lance Storm v. Sandman, Raven & Tommy Dreamer
Dreamer decides to attack the heels because he’s a moron, and they triple on him until Raven makes the save, but then he gets laid out and it’s 3-on-2. Raven and Dreamer manage to hold them off but get overcome by numbers again and I’m not actually sure if this match has even started yet. So after Raven goes through a table, Sandman finally makes his entrance, takes 2:00 to get to the ring, and now I guess the match is started? The heels get heat on Tommy, but Francine goes low on Storm and we get the usual catfight spot. And somewhere in this, Sandman hits Raven with the cane and Justin gets the pin. Apparently this was an actual match. Go figure. Just a bunch of stuff.
Meanwhile, New Jack still can’t find any bald people on the train, and they all be bitches. Finally he finds one of them, but he’s too busy cutting his promo about who is the bitches, and another Baldie lays him out from behind to establish that it is indeed Jack who is the bitch and not the master of his subway domain. Or something.
Total filler episode, just a bunch of stuff going around and around and never resolving into anything. But the wrestling was mostly good at least.