The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 01.15.20
BASH AT THE BEACH!
Live from Miami, FL
Your hosts are Jim Ross, Excalibur & Tony Schiavone
#1 Contender match: Hangman Page & Kenny Omega v. The Young Bucks v. Santana & Ortiz v. Best Friends
Trent trades shoulderblocks with Nick and they dodge each other’s strikes for the stalemate. Hangman comes in and throws Chucky around, but then Kenny comes in and LAX immediately jumps in and attacks both Kenny and Matt before forcing a tag for Santana. Nick comes in with a springboard double stomp and then he and Kenny double-team Ortiz to get him out of the ring. Bucks with a double dropkick on Trent and they work him over in their corner, into the locomotion northern lights from Matt. Trent manages to reverse that into a tornado DDT, however, and Chuck comes in with a powerbomb on Matt for two. Trent with the half and half suplex to set up the hug, but LAX breaks it up because they’re JERKS. Ortiz rolls Santana into a cutter on Matt in a neat spot and then they hit everyone with stereo dives on the floor. Back in, Matt gets passed off on the delayed suplex a few times, but tries for the tag and gets cut off. He fights back again with a springboard stunner on Santana, however, and reluctantly tags Omega. Kenny with the snapdragons on LAX, and then one for Trent as well. Omega and Page take turns moonsaulting Trent and then Page hits everyone with a moonsault to the floor, followed by Santana and then Chuck and Nick. And then Trent decides to superplex Nick onto the pile of bodies on the floor, because WHY NOT. Back in, Trent hits the knee strike on Kenny, but then the ref gets bumped and we get a giant 8-way suplex while Orange Cassidy wanders in and observes. Which finally allows us the Best Friends Hug, followed by stereo piledrivers on Page and Omega. Strong Zero on Kenny gets two, but the Bucks save. Chuck and Matt slug it out and then Hangman hits Chuck with a lariat, but Trent gets his own on Page. LAX double-teams Trent in the corner with a cannonball and then powerbombs Nick, but Matt saves with SUPERKICK POWER and the Bucks regroup for the SUPERKICK PARTY. The Meltzer Driver gets broken up, but Page tags himself in as Kenny hits the V-Trigger on Chuck, into the Buckshot Lariat to finish at 16:42. The Bucks are all butt-hurt that they did all the work and then lost, but that’s business. ****1/4
Cody Rhodes joins us and he’s rocking the pastel suit for Miami. He puts the MJF stips up on the big screen, and to recap it’s “No touching until the PPV”, “Cody takes 10 lashes on TV” and “Cody faces Wardlow in a cage match”. Cody feels like the Wardlow match might be a bad idea for MJF, because once Wardlow gets in the ring, people might think MJF should be the one carrying the bags. Basically, Cody thinks that MJF is STALLING. MJF is just clinging to internet fame on Twitter because the old-timers prop him up as an “old school heel” (in the words of Kevin Nash, MJF isn’t old school, he’s lazy). So Cody accepts all the ridiculous stipulations, and promises to give MJF his OWN scar at the PPV. Great babyface promo here.
Meanwhile, Joey Janela complains about starting 2020 by getting punched in the balls by Penelope last week. But next week, he’s got Fenix so he can make up for it. I’m astonished that this whole show is based on neon pastel colors and they didn’t even have Janela working a quick squash.
Brandi Rhodes & Mel v. Kris Statlander & Hikaru Shida
So at what point did Mel go from a crazed fan to a trained wrestler? I think we skipped a couple of story points there. Mel throws Shida around, but gets sent to the floor and moonsaulted by Statlander. Shida hits Mel with a running knee off the chair while Dr. Luther jokes with Justin Roberts at ringside in a moment they probably didn’t want on camera. Back in, Mel boots Shida down after some distraction and Brandi boots her down for two. The heels take turns choking and we take a break. Back with Shida fighting out of a suplex attempt by Mel and she gets a high knee, but Shida makes the hot tag to Statlander. Michinoku Driver gets two on Brandi and Shida gets a missile dropkick on Mel that misses by a lot. Brandi spears Statlander for two, meanwhile, and Mel gets a spinning slam on her for two. Mel goes up and Shida cuts her off with a superplex, and Statlander gets a standing moonsault for two. Big Bang Theory finishes at 10:18. Excalibur notes that they “overcame the odds” to win. Against an untrained fan and a manager? Match was OK but too long and had a bunch of blown spots. *
Meanwhile, the Dark Order’s mysterious leader gets updated on the group’s quest to recruit Nakazawa, Brandon Cutler, and Hangman Page. So that probably means Page isn’t the mystery man.
Sammy Guevara v. Jon Moxley
Sorry, but Sammy’s cue card gimmicks still can’t stop me from fast-forwarding through the commercials. Moxley of course shows up in his $750,000 car, but Sammy attacks him on the way in. Mox quickly pounds him with chops and Sammy stops to strut, so Mox clotheslines him and drops an elbow for two. Mox with the Nash choke in the corner, but Sammy springboards into a cutter to put Moxley on the floor and then follows with a dive. Back in, Sammy teases a move off the top, but Moxley hits him with a drop suplex for two. They head to the apron, where Moxley teases the DDT, but Sammy fights out and double-stomps him to the floor. Back in, Sammy stomps him for two and we take a break. Back with Moxley ducking a high kick and hitting the headlock driver for two. I always liked that finisher actually. Moxley goes up and Sammy pops up with the Spanish (God) Fly, but Mox pops up and they trade finish attempts until Sammy gets a GTS for two. Sammy goes up and tries a moonsault, but Moxley catches him from behind with a rear naked choke and gets the submission at 9:30. Good little match here. ***1/4 After the match, the lights go out and the Inner Circle appear in the ring for the Beatdown at the Beach, as Jericho beats on him with the title belt and then Hager knees him in the balls for good measure. I’m thinking this might be a receipt from last week. I mean, to be fair, he did steal a $750,000 car. And for the finale, Jericho pays tribute to Dusty Rhodes better than any tournament could, by taking a spike of his jacket and jamming it into Moxley’s EYE. Ain’t no one cheering Jericho after that.
Meanwhile, Jericho clarifies that everything we just saw was Moxley’s own fault. AN EYE FOR AN EYE. Also, the Jurassic Express gets more of the same next week on the Jericho Cruise. They add the cheesy pirate impression and “We’ll SEE you around” jokes like great slimy heels.
MJF & THE BUTCHER! AND THE BLADE! AND THE BUNNY! v. QT Marshall & Diamond Dallas Page & Dustin Rhodes
MJF goes for the classy approach with “I banged Dallas’ Daughter” on his shirt. So Page starts with MJF, who quickly tags out to the Butcher and then goes to hang out in the front row. So Page lets QT go instead, which brings MJF back into the match. We get some showboating and MJF pokes QT in the eye and it’s over to the Blade. Dustin cleans house with lariats, but MJF uses the diamond ring to take over behind the ref’s back. Wardlow and the Bunny get some abuse on the floor and we take a break. Back with MJF working the back and he cuts off a tag attempt by whipping Dustin in the heel corner again. Dustin backdrops him to the floor while the Butcher takes out QT, but it’s hot tag DDP. MJF bumps all over for him and Page cleans house before hitting the Diamond Cutter on Butcher. MJF blocks the Cutter with a low blow, however, but Dustin hits the Canadian Destroyer on him and Page gets his cutter on the second try, for two. QT hits the Butcher and Blade with a Sasuke Special, and then DDP pulls out a crossbody onto the pile himself! But during the replay, MJF rolls up QT for the pin at 11:15. They kept it simple (outside of the dives) and it was fine. **1/2
Meanwhile, SCU are doing a promo and get interrupted by a drunk Hangman, but Omega pulls him away and promises a “gentlemen’s contest” for the titles next week.
Darby Allin v. Pac
Winner of this meets Moxley next week on the Jericho cruise for the #1 contendership. They trade springboards and Allin dropkicks Pac off that, but Pac gets a backbreaker and tosses him across the ring. Pac gets tossed and tries to stall, so Allin hit him with a tope suicida into the railing. He tries a rana off the apron, but Pac catches him and swings him into the stairs as we take a break. Back with Pac powerbombing Allin onto the stairs and running him into the railing. Back in with a missile dropkick that gets two. They head to the top and Darby turns a samoan drop into a crucifix bomb to put Pac on the floor, then follows with a Coffin Drop to the floor. Back in, Allin with the stunner into a Code Red, for two. Allin tries a baseball slide and gets wrapped in the apron, and Pac kicks him in the head and brings him back in for a giant lariat that gets two. Allin gets a desperate series of rollups for two and tries the Coffin Drop, but Pac reverses to a german suplex and powerbomb for two. They fight to the top again and Pac sends him down and finishes with the Black Arrow at 12:24. Allin was clearly outmatched here but kept fighting as usual. ***1/4
Tony Schiavone heads into the ring to interview Pac about next week’s match against Moxley, but Pac declares himself the #1 contender because Moxley has been blinded and is out. So we cut to the back, where Moxley gets loaded into an ambulance, but he breaks free and heads out to establish that he’ll be on the cruise, with or without both eyes.
Another fun show with a clear direction.