The SmarK Rant for Mid-South Wrestling – 05.18.85
Finally, we wrap up the Mid-South TV title tournament!
Taped from Shreveport, LA
Your hosts are Jim Ross & Joel Watts
But first, an update on Jim Duggan, who will NOT lose his left eye, but he’s still being advised not to step in the ring again. So Duggan sits down with JR and does another weirdly normal voice with his beard still shaved off, but vision is returning to his eye thanks to the thoughts and prayers and cards and letters.
The bad news is that Skandor Akbar has used the power of LAWYERS to overturn his lifetime suspension from last week because he never had a hearing and thus he gets off on a technicality. DAMN YOU, LEGAL SYSTEM! This is why the terrorists keep winning! Did he call Saul, I wonder?
Mid-South TV title finals: The Snowman v. Jake Roberts
Bill Dundee is the special referee for this match for reasons I’m not entirely clear about. Snowman works a headlock and Jakes hides in the ropes to escape while Jake’s partner Nord the Barbarian hangs out at ringside. Jake throws chops and Snowman no-sells it, and then Jake BARELY manages to get him to take a backdrop, which Snowman also no-sells. This guy makes JYD look like Justin Liger. So Snowman gets a series of slams and Jake bails and we get a leisurely footrace out there, and back in Jake gets a cheapshot. Snowman no-sells all of his offense and hits the powerslam for the pin and the title at 4:20. This was FUCKING AWFUL, with Snowman literally not selling a single move and barely able to do anything more than a slam. So Jake and Barbarian go after Bill Dundee, but Snowman immediately runs back in and fights them both off alone. AWFUL. The fact that Jerry Lawler was able to draw money with this guy later on is astonishing.
The Nightmare & Eddie Gilbert v. Mark Ragin & Mike Jackson
Gilbert beats on Jackson in the corner, but Jackson comes back with an enzuigiri and works the arm. Over to the Nightmare, who no-sells Jackson’s monkey flip attempt and the heels go to work. Ragin gets a hot tag and hits Gilbert with a dropkick, but Gilbert blocks a sunset flip and Nightmare adds more punishment. Eddie with a middle rope elbow, but Mike Jackson gets back in and immediately walks into the hotshot. And then Nightmare finishes him with the piledriver at 3:23.
The Snowman gets presented with a cheque for $10,000 for winning the tournament, and boy, he can buy a lot with that money. A lot of CRACK, allegedly. He of course makes sure to namedrop Muhammad Ali, who was the entire reason why Watts gave him this job and push.
Terry Taylor joins us in the ring to demonstrate the figure-four, using Steve Casey and Terry Daniels to help him out. So the idea is that he’s going after Ric Flair and wants to show some ways to counter if Flair tries the move. So Casey tries the move and Terry kicks him off, and then Daniels tries it and Terry counters into a cradle. But of course this brings out Ted Dibiase and Dr. Death, because Ted thinks of himself as the master of the hold and he also thinks he’s more deserving of the shot at Flair. So Ted brings out Thor (Kevin “Nailz” Wacholz) and promises that Terry can’t put the hold on his MEATY THIGHS, PAL. Terry orders him to lay down so he can try, but Ted goes “You think Flair is gonna lay down for you? You TAKE HIM DOWN, PAL.” So Terry moves in, but Ted sucker-punches him behind the ref’s back and Thor uses a FIGURE-THOR on him with the power of his meaty thighs. Terry reverses it and Thor submits, and thus the heels are foiled and walk away in disgust. Just a good simple TV angle.
Dr. Death & Ted Dibiase v. Terry Daniels & Steve Casey
So carrying on after the previous segment, although the faces have different gear here so it’s obviously taped out of order. Daniels works on Doc’s arm, but Dibiase hits Casey with a knee to the gut and slugs away in the corner. Casey gets a small package for two, but Daniels comes in and gets suckered into the heel corner like a geek. Doc with a backbreaker for two and then Dibiase finishes with the figure-four at 2:48 just to be a dick.
Nord the Barbarian v. Kent Glover
Jake cuts a pissed off promo about how Mid-South keeps screwing him over, so the only way to get any satisfaction is to start crippling people. Starting with this guy. So Barbarian gets a couple of bad slams and stomps him down, then goes up with a flying elbow for two before picking him up. And then he finishes with the full nelson at 1:33.
Brickhouse Brown & Brad Armstrong v. Chan Chang & Larry Clark
Brickhouse slams Clark and drops a leg, then follows with a back elbow. Over to Chang (who is announced as “from Korea”) but Armstrong gives him an atomic drop into a flying headbutt from Brown and that finishes at 1:45. Also of note, we learn from Joel Watts that the song being used by Brickhouse is in fact “Computer Age (Push the Button)” by Newcleus.
And then we wrap things up with a video set (at the time) to that very song, showing highlights of his Mid-South run thus far. Here’s the original song:
Next week: Ric Flair makes an appearance, plus Kamala returns from his overturned suspension. Plus Brickhouse stops by and challenges Doc and Dibiase to a title match next week, because they ain’t exactly been sitting around the Dairy Queen eating strawberry shortcakes!