ECW on Syfy 10/06/2009 #174

Dramatic recap of Regal becoming ECW On Syfy GM and using his powers to immediately lose to Yoshi Tatsu. Regal starts the show, hopefully he stays there the whole episode. He makes himself the Number One Contender to the ECW Title which causes Ryder to complain (to no reaction). Christian brings out three guys who deserve to be Number One Contender more than Ryder & Regal: Angelo the janitor who replaced all the urinal cakes in the arena today, Yoshi Tatsu who pinned Regal last week and Tony Atlas who can do this:

Tiffany shockingly makes her return after a whole week away and makes some matches for tonight and even by the cold, cold standard of many an ECW on Syfy crowd, these fans were deathly silent so this is going to be a loooOOOOooong hour.

Ezekiel Jackson & Vladimir Kozlov vs. Tommy Dreamer & Goldust

Big & Red take on Nearly Dead. Dreamer & Goldust use their trademark mini moves that wouldn’t get a D+ rating in the video games to work over Big Zeke until Kozlov distracts him (“I was in The Wire!”) and Goldust gets cut off in the corner while The Roundtable try to remember their training. Zeke misinterprets a instruction and falls on Goldust after taking a clothesline (oof) and it all breaks down with Dreamer taking his eyes off the prize and taking a uranage from Zeke to end it.

Winners: Vladiel Jackov (Goldust’s directing was so obvious he may as well have started doing Semaphore at ringside. And his opponents still looked worse than usual.)

Tiffany and Regal talk about Bragging Rights and how it’s possible John Cena could be ECW-branded after his Iron Man match. If I was Regal, I’d have used this as proof she was still suffering from the car accident and had her carted off. “Nurse!”

Yoshi Tatsu vs. William Regal

Ohhhhh noooo I remember this being shite. Hopefully I’m wrong, Regal has been saving this brand. “This is Hannibal Rising, Doctor Von Doom himself” yells Striker so we’re already at minus stars and the bell hasn’t rung. Regal ties his shoes because he’s had to run to the ring after talking to Tiffany. Regal sells like a fish out of water for everything Yoshi does to start before begging off to tie his shoes again in the pop of the night so far. Regal blocks a suplex before both wrestlers bump off a shoulder block with Regal popping back up, looking annoyed. Then it breaks down with Regal trying for a Russian Leg Sweep but Yoshi knackers it and decides to take Regal down to Awkward Town.

Regal locks him up and is BELLOWING spots at him, followed by an “OK?” at the end to make sure he understands and we go to break at the right time. When we return, Regal is selling like mad because at least Yoshi can’t fuck up a kick. Regal dunks him off the announce table then applies a Crossface so the crowd can get behind him while allowing him to squeeze some frustration out. Yoshi gets a rough looking Dragon Screw Leg Whip to set up a sloppy Roaring Elbow (with visibly annoyed Regal) before Willie runs right into the High Kick to smother this match with a pillow.

Winner: Yoshi Tatsu (Sadly this is every bit as uncomfortable to watch as I remember. It’s never fun seeing a wrestler visibly frustrated the match is falling apart and realising it’s only going to get worse as their opponent panics more at the sight of a Blood Rage Regal.)

Shelton Benjamin vs. Sheamus is happening…on Superstars. I think Sheamus deserves a demotion, I mean where else would he go in late 2009?

Christian vs. Zack Ryder

Regal And His Roundtable are still at ringside. Some fast-paced smooth sequences start things off and the quality of wrestling is far above everything else on the show that this match may as well be on Mars. Ryder gets the post-break hold and they go shot-for-shot until Ryder lands the Rough Ryder out of nowhere…except it’s not his finisher yet so it only gets two. Ryder continues beating Christian like he’s Pontius Pilate until he has enough and gets his high-arse crossbody for two. Tornado DDT can’t put Ryder away and he has the nerve to fight back and try to escape so Christian follows with a top-rope crossbody to the outside (with a heavy SPLAT) as the crowd is finally reacting. So of course that’s the end with Willie’s Table seeing enough and attacking everybody with the show going off the air afterwards.

Winner: No Cunt (This would have been a decent mid-card match any other show but it was like a bolt of lightning striking a tin roof tonight. Ryder continues to improve in ring, even if no-one’s figured out if he’s a bad-good guy or a good-bad guy.)

Overall: Without the main event this is a contender for worst ECW on Syfy show ever with a dead crowd, Roundtable looking greener than expired milk, and Regal’s worst match in a century.

I’ve got nothing else to add so go watch Botchamania 399 and follow me on Twitter.