Mike Reviews: ECW Hardcore TV #344 – 27/11/1999

Hello You!

I hope you’re all ready for a New Jack centric episode this week, because that’s what you’re getting regardless. Last week was all about Rob Van Dam and Sabu, as they wrestled to a stalemate for the TV Title, thus leaving the door open for more chapters in the story. However, there’ll be none of that this week as we have important New Jack business to attend to!

This week’s matches are from Chicago, Illinois

Calling the action is Joey Styles

We open up with a Rhino promo, where he says he’s going to GORE anyone who gets in his way.

Show Intro: This week’s tagline, “The World Famous Aragon, Chicago, It’s EC F’N W”. We then the version of the ECW intro theme with Paul Heyman yelling quotes over it, which I have never personally liked.

Joey Styles is in front of the ECW Banner and sends us to the ring for the opener.

Opening Match
Danny Doring and Roadkill Vs Bo Dupp and Jack Dupp w/ Puff Dupp

Amy Dumas is not with Doring and Roadkill here and she showed up on WWF TV around this period I believe so it probably means she has jumped ship. Before this match can start we get a New Jack promo from a train station on the New York subway. He says he has come all the way to New York to find Da Baldies and lay upon them a mighty whupping. Joey assures us that we’ll be keeping tabs on this throughout the night. Goody.

Doring and Roadkill work this one as total faces, shining on The Dupps in the early going, as we see that the Aragon has the same Fire Pro Wrestling styled hard camera that The Elks Lodge in Queens has. Eventually Puff makes his presence known by tripping Doring up, which allows the Dupps to take over. I never got why The Dupps kept getting opportunities in so many companies. They just had stereotypical redneck gimmicks in my eyes and it wasn’t like they were especially great wrestlers or anything like that.

Doring eventually manages to catch Jack with a Rocker Dropper and makes the tag to Roadkill, who runs wild on The Dupps, getting an impressive springboard clothesline on both heels for a big pop. Puff tries to help his brothers/uncles/fathers by getting involved again but he ends up on the wrong side of The Lancaster Lariat of Lust (Hart Attack) and is taken out of proceedings. Doring gets the Wham Bam Thank You Ma’am (Double Arm DDT) on Jack and Roadkill lays out Bo with a power slam. With Bo down, Danny drops his Danaconda from the top rope with a Tennessee Jam and Roadkill adds a top rope splash for the three count.

WINNERS: DANNY DORING AND ROADKILL
RATING: **

This was good TV action, as they worked the abbreviated tag formula and the fans were way into Doring and Roadkill as faces. This really made them look like stars and was the perfect showcase for their move sets.

COMMERCIAL

Back on the subway line New Jack is still waiting for Da Baldies and hassles a tramp who is trying to catch 40 winks on one of the seats. Getting a train can be stressful at the best of times without a scary man yelling into a camera in your carriage about how he wants to indulge in some gang violence.

Match Two
Simon Diamond with his Dick Vs Chris Candido with his fiancé

Diamond grabs the mic pre-match to once again complain about the way the fans react to his perfectly platonic and manly relationship with his Dick whilst the crowd flings gay slurs at him. As mentioned in previous reviews though the joke was on them as Diamond was actually dating Dawn Marie at this time in real life. Tammy isn’t looking as good as her peak from a couple of years ago but she doesn’t look too bad either and has some good curves going on. The fans ask to see her flowery baps prior to the match starting, but she doesn’t oblige.

Both men do some decent back and forth wrestling to start, with Candido clearly working as the face and getting some decent reactions for his stuff. Diamond is eventually able to go to the eyes for the cut off and then delivers the Simon Series (rolling snap suplexes into a gourd buster) for two. Dick gets his two cents in as well by dropping Candido mid-section first onto the railings on the outside.  Diamond heads up top to finish things back inside, but Tammy jams the ropes to put a stop to that. This allows Candido to get a superplex and he follows up with a diving head butt from the top for three.

WINNER: CHRIS CANDIDO
RATING: **

Standard TV fare but it was fine for what it was and allowed both men to get their stuff in. Pushing the stale Candido over the fresh Diamond seemed counterproductive in all honesty, but they at least protected Diamond in the finish by having Tammy get involved.

COMMERCIAL

New Jack is still waiting for Da Baldies to show up and says he isn’t leaving the subway system until they do.

Dawn Marie is backstage where she cuts a promo on Francine, closing by saying she doesn’t have an arse. Lance Storm chimes in to say that she does, and he’s called Tommy. The heels all laugh uproariously at this terrible joke because heels doing that is always great.

COMMERCIAL

New Jack is still on the train and steps out just in time to see Da Baldies go by on another train. Oh ho, HI-LARIOUS!!! Did this blood feud really need some comedy getting injected into it? That was like an R-Truth 24/7 Title skit or something.

We get a Rob Van Dam video where we see him doing cool stuff. No mention is made of last week or what happens next.

COMMERCIAL

Back at the train station, Tony DeVito finally shows up to fight New Jack but it’s all a trap as Spanish Angel attacks New Jack from behind. What an underwhelming pay off.

Main Event
Spanish Angel and Tony DeVito Vs Balls Mahoney and Axl Rotten

New Jack is apparently catching a flight from Method Man as that attack from Da Baldies apparently caused him to miss his original plane. This is a brawl straight from the off, as everyone goes into the crowd. Joey makes snide comments about Big Vito on commentary, probably because he’d recently just jumped to WCW. Yeah, wanting to get a pay cheque every month that didn’t bounce, what a loser!

Balls and Axl end up on the back foot but eventually start rallying, which is the cue for PN Newz and new Baldie member Rod Price to come down and assist their gang mates. Price is actually from Los Angeles, so I can kind of buy that he wouldn’t be against joining up with a street gang. Balls tries to suplex Angel but Price trips him up and Angel falls on top for the pin, because heaven forbid we actually try and make Angel look like any kind of a threat.

WINNERS: DA BALDIES
RATING: *

This one could have been a fun crazy brawl but it just never got into a grove.

New Jack chooses now to make his arrival, as he attacks Da Baldies with his usual array of weaponry. Angel gets stapled in the eye, which would seemingly end the program as New Jack now has his revenge. It’s not like he did much to sell the supposed career threatening beat down Da Baldies gave him anyway. DeVito gets splashed through a table as well as New Jack leaps off the balcony. Pfft, Air Raid Crashes off cages is where it’s at now grandpa, get with the times! New Jack, Balls and Axl celebrate in the ring to close us out.

In Conclusion

I really don’t like this New Jack/Baldies feud so this one didn’t do much for me, but I enjoyed the first two matches for what they were. Your own mileage may vary.

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