The SmarK Rant for Mid-South Wrestling – 05.11.85
Taped from Shreveport, LA
Your hosts are Boyd Pierce & Bill Watts, and Boyd is sadly not as exuberant as he normally would be because of a recent tragedy. Even his suit is subdued! Cowboy announces that Jim Duggan has been burned by Skandor Akbar during a match with Kamala on May 4. In a nice touch, Bill notes that cameras were shooting the house show match because Ric Flair was in the main event and the NWA was documenting the show. Bill is so horrified by the fireball that he shows a still photo and then a slow motion replay as well. Sadly, Duggan’s career is over, but he’s recuperating in a private facility, where Jim Ross stops by to interview him.
Yeah, so he had to half of his beard shaved off, and he does an interview with Ross in a completely normal voice, talking about how doctors have declared his career over, and told him that he’s likely to lose vision in the one eye. Well, to be fair, he was already cross-eyed to begin with. This was a pretty epic angle.
Back at the studio, Cowboy has FIRED Skandor Akbar and Kamala, which was the least he could do for his friend in his time of need.
Steve Williams & Ted Dibiase join us at the desk, having won the Mid-South tag team titles, and he offers congratulations to Akbar for getting the job done and getting rid of Duggan. He’s still bitter for losing that loser-leaves-town match and having to go “fight foreigners and eat rice” to earn money. So we take you back to Houston, as the Rock N Roll Express defend the tag team titles against Dibiase & Williams. Robert gets a hot tag and has Williams pinned with a bodypress, and they follow with the double dropkick on Doc, but Dibiase takes the ref and then loads up the ISOTONER OF DEATH and knocks out Robert for the pin and the titles.
Back at the studio, Dibiase clarifies that they’ll give the RNR a rematch once they beat the Dirty White Boys tonight, and Williams assumes that means he wins the tournament for the TV title by forfeit. Watts notes that NOPE, he’ll face a substitute instead.
The Dirty White Boys v. The Rock N Roll Express
Ricky backdrops both White Boys to start and the RNR do the rowboat spot on them and send them fleeing from the ring. So the deal is that Dibiase & Doc will only give them a rematch as long as they win every match, and one loss means no title shot. Ricky misses a dropkick on Denton and Tony Anthony comes in and drops a fist for two. Denton with a forearm shot for two and he beats Ricky down before Anthony drops an elbow for two and then hotshots Ricky. Robert can take no more and comes in to break up the double-teaming, but this allows the White Boys to choke out Ricky with his own scarf. But Ricky runs them together and the double dropkick finishes Anthony at 4:11. The crowd was just losing their shit for entire match.
Mid-South TV title semi-finals: Steve Williams v. The Snowman
Oh FUCK ME, Bill Watts actually gave Snowman a payday? Like, seriously, he already had Brickhouse Brown and Butch Reed under contract and this is the guy he decides to try to replace JYD with? Snowman gets some armdrags on Dr. Death to send him running away, and then hits a powerslam back in the ring for the pin and a spot in the finals at 1:39. They’re not even TRYING to pretend that he’s not replacing JYD! He even used the same finisher!
The Fabulous Freebirds v. Brad Armstrong & Mike Jackson
They’re using “Badstreet USA” here, although I’m not sure if that was the original song here or if they’re overdubbing “Freebird”. Brad dominates Buddy to start with dropkicks and sends him flying out of the ring, and it’s over to Hayes. Jackson gets some shine on him, but Roberts nails him from the apron and Michael takes over. Jackson gets a surprise rollup for two and it’s BONZO GONZO, but Hayes hits Jackson with one of his famous rights and then runs him facefirst into Buddy’s head and pins him with a bulldog at 4:14. Mike Jackson = QUALITY TV squash.
Jake Roberts v. Mark Ragin
Apparently the jobber’s name is pronounced “Reagan” despite the spelling. Ragin gets a crossbody for two and Jake bails to escape. Back in, they fight over a wristlock and Ragin works a hammerlock on the mat as Bill Watts is convinced that Ragin is DESTINED for stardom. Spoiler: He wasn’t. They slug it out and Jake boots him down, but Ragin comes back with a monkey flip. Jake puts him on the apron and suplexes him onto the top rope to cut him off, and the DDT ends it at 3:35.
Steve Williams & Ted Dibiase v. Steve Casey & Ken Glover
So after his initial push in the TV title tournament, Casey is already into a TV jobber role. Meanwhile, Bill Watts bitches about TV commentators who think they should still be in the ring despite being out of shape, which is a pretty obvious broadside at some BODY. Casey gets some shine on Williams to start, but the other geek tags in and gets killed. Meanwhile, Bill Watts notes that he’s watched “the champion of the WWF” and if he had to go an hour in the ring like the Mid-South talent, he’d “wind up in a pine box”. Also, he might weigh 300 pounds now, but he’s more like 150 without “that stuff he’s taking”. Well, who had 37:00 into the show for Watts to go off the rails this week? Dibiase finishes Glover with the figure-four at 2:10.
And then we take a special video look at the career of Hacksaw Jim Duggan, which sadly ended in 1985 due to fireball and never resumed under orders of the doctors. GODSPEED, HACKSAW! Also, I don’t what the fuck the overdubbed Yee Haw banjo music here is supposed to be, but it’s still better than Mumford & Sons.
Next week: The Snowman v. Jake Roberts for the Mid-South TV title as we finally wrap up that tournament with the worst possible finals!
Jesus Christ, the SNOWMAN? Are you KIDDING me?