The SmarK Rant for WWE Network Hidden Gems–Survivor Series Showdown 1992

The SmarK Rant for WWF Survivor Series Showdown 1992 – 11.22.92

Wish this had been on the Network when I was doing these episodes of Superstars.

Taped from Springfield, in whatever state Springfield is in.

Your hosts are Gorilla Monsoon & Bobby Heenan

Razor Ramon & Ric Flair rant to start the show, and Flair is definitely upset about Mr. Perfect and his betrayal leading up to the PPV.

Repo Man v. Tatanka

Did they ever do a feud between these two where Repo Man steals Tatanka’s land? I feel like that was a missed opportunity if not. Repo pounds away on the ropes, but Tatanka gets some dropkicks and Repo bails to escape. Back in, Tatanka works the arm while we get comments from Rick Martel. Incendiary comments! Apparently Tatanka has BUFFALO BREATH!

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I mean, I ordered the show, so who am I talk, right? Tatanka is still working the arm and a sunset flip gets two, but he tries a crossbody out of the corner and misses, allowing Repo to work the arm while Bobby makes some racially insensitive jokes about Tatanka greeting people. It is definitely a hurtful stereotype that all Native Americans are friendly and ask how you are. Repo goes up and gets caught coming down, allowing Tatanka to make the comeback, which Bobby notes is the first time “Tonto has ever kicked the butt of the Lone Ranger”. Tatanka goes up with a flying chop for two, but Repo blocks a rollup and walks around being all sneaky. But after all that, he misses a clothesline, and the Papoose to Go finishes at 7:41. Well, this certainly was a match that aired on TV. *1/2

Meanwhile, on Prime Time Wrestling, Randy Savage announces that Mr. Perfect is the man he wants as his tag team partner with the departure of Ultimate Warrior. Bobby Heenan laughs the idea off, but Perfect slaps him around for holding him back all these years, and then dumps water on the begging Bobby and accepts Savage’s challenge.

The Perfect Team point out to each other that they’ve never been in the ring together or against each other (too bad that never led anywhere).

Marty Jannetty v. The Brooklyn Brawler

Marty chases Brawler into the corner while the mysterious clown hangs around ringside annoying fans, and gets some armdrags to send Brawler to the floor. Back in, Brawler is madder than Marty’s drug dealer when he’s behind in his payments, and he goes to work on the arm to work out his frustrations. Marty comes back with a powerslam and a superkick, then he goes up and finishes with a flying fistdrop at 5:00. Going 50/50 with the Brawler isn’t exactly an impressive return for Jannetty, especially with Shawn now the IC champion. *

Speaking of which, we get the full match from SNME where Shawn won the IC title from Bulldog here, probably because no one watched it on FOX the first time. No, actually I think there was a bunch of stuff with the Ultimate Warrior that was supposed to air here and had to be hastily cut from the show and re-edited like a Jim Cornette commentary track.

Kamala v. Red Tyler

Usual Kamala squash from this time as he beats on Tyler and chokes him out on the ropes, then pins him with a back kick and big splash at 3:25.

Meanwhile, we get the vignette with Undertaker hand-carving the coffin for Kamala again.

Kamala v. Tatanka

This is from Prime Time on November 2, as we get a clip of Paul Bearer wheeling the coffin down to ringside, only to have Undertaker pop out of it and a terrified Kamala runs away. So why was he using a totally different coffin than the one he was making in the vignette? I guess this one was the hero coffin for TV purposes, like they do with the belts.

IRS v. Earthquake

Before this main event in any arena in the country, we get clips of the ludicrous title change where the Nasty Boys turned on Money Inc and left them for dead, and then Money Inc immediately won the tag team titles from the Disasters anyway. Quake overpowers IRS to start via wristlock and he complains about hair-pulling. Then Quake elbows him down and Irwin whines about getting elbowed in the throat. IRS slugs away on the ropes, but Quake hits him with clotheslines and Irwin bails off that. He stops to chat with Jimmy Hart, and through the magic of lip-reading I learn that he just bought his kid a new toybox and puppet set. Aw, that sounds cute! Back in, IRS with the sleeper, but Quake reverses to a bearhug as this match is literally putting me to sleep. They fight to the floor as Ted Dibiase joins us at ringside and we take a break. Back with Typhoon now chasing Dibiase around the ring, and Quake takes over for a bit before missing an elbow. And Irwin goes to the chinlock and that lasts for a while before he switches to dropping elbows for two instead. And back to the chinlock, but Quake fights out and dodges a charging IRS to make the comeback. Quake pounds away in the corner and IRS tries to escape, so Quake stands on the tie to keep him in the ring. Quake misses his own charge and IRS goes up, but comes down and lands on the foot in my most hated of spots. Quake comes back again and drops the elbow to set up the butt splash, but Dibiase trips him up for the DQ at 13:18. This was pretty terrible. ½* Afterwards, Money Inc beats on Quake and apparently pokes him in the eye for the heat. This leads to an interview with Money Inc and the Beverlies where they make lame jokes about Quake being blind now.

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Big Bossman v. Barry Horowitz

Bossman puts Barry down with a shoulderblock and chases him out of the ring while Bobby alleges that Bossman used to sneak into Nailz’ cell and beat him with a nightstick. Did we ever get a police investigation of that? TV and movies have taught me that prison guards ARE pretty corrupt. Bossman works a headlock back in the ring, but Horowitz works the arm for a bit, before walking into the Bossman Slam at 3:12.

SURVIVOR SERIES REPORT! WITH SEAN MOONEY!

We’ve got two exciting new matches! The Headshrinkers face High Energy, and Yokozuna has an open contract for anyone.

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Spoiler: It was Virgil.

Meanwhile, more comments from Ric Flair & Razor Ramon, and Flair is about to have a heart attack right then and there over Perfect’s betrayal.

The Headshrinkers v. Randy Fox & Royce Royal

BREAKING NEWS!

Shawn Michaels has left the building.

Headshrinkers double-team one of the jobbers while Doink wanders around the ringside area. Fatu bites the guy and wipes a booger on him, then throws him away and lets him tag the other jobber. Double facejam and flying Fatu splash finish at 3:11.

Meanwhile, Bret Hart and Vince McMahon hang out in the park, just a couple of fellas talking about wrestling, unlikely to ever let anything come between them. Bret reflects on losing the IC title to British Bulldog at Summerslam and we get kind of a dull interview between them as Bret compares Shawn Michaels to a young himself and breaks down the upcoming match. Oh man, Bret’s spitting HOT TAKES here! Almost as exciting as CM Punk on Backstage, telling us about how WWE is overproduced and the Roman Reigns skit was stupid. It’s the PIPE BOMB all over again!

What a colossal bore this show was.

However, we have BONUS FOOTAGE. After the actual show wraps up, we get another hour of raw footage from the same tapings, with bonus matches!

Big Bossman v. Nailz

Nailz attacks in the corner and immediately goes to the choking on the mat and it’s 100% apparent that whatever scary aura that Nailz had is completely gone now. He misses a blind charge and Bossman makes a comeback and slugs him down, but Nailz gets a cheapshot and they fight on the floor. Nailz sends him into the stairs to take over again, and back in gets an elbow for two. We get the dreaded chinlock, where he can’t even do the move properly and just kind of puts his hands on Bossman’s chin instead, but in the background there’s a far more interesting storyline with a large group of people trying to figure out where they’re sitting and failing miserably. YOUR TICKETS HAVE NUMBERS. THE NUMBERS MATCH THE SEATS. FIGURE IT OUT. Bossman escapes, but misses a splash and bumps to the floor because he has to work for 13 people to negate the suck in the orange jumpsuit. Back in the ring, he makes a comeback and gets a spinebuster for two, then winds up the Popeye punch and does the sliding punch on the ropes. But then Nailz hits him with the nightstick behind the ref’s back and pins him at 7:24. Yup. ½*

Mean Gene introduces his special guest, JIMMY GARVIN. Given his retirement at that point, he’s wearing a suit and I guess was being groomed to be a heel announcer or something. Jimmy wants to know if they’re still going drinking after the show, and if Gene’s girlfriend got her driver’s license yet? So Garvin declares that the Ultimate Maniacs have no chance in order to turn heel, and then also says Bret Hart is going to lose. And Kamala is going to beat Undertaker and then eat the coffin. HE’S A HEEL, GUYS! In case you couldn’t tell by now. Then he tells a story about running into the Ultimate Maniacs during a party in the hotel that was thrown by Ric Flair and Ultimate Warrior crying and begging not to be hurt by Garvin. Obviously the whole thing had to be scrapped because of all the Utimate Warrior references, but it’s not exactly a blowaway performance anyway and I don’t even know what his role was supposed to be. Can you even imagine a Freebird doing a stupid WWF announcer shill role? That’ll be the day.

WWF World title: Bret Hart v. The Mountie

Mountie talks all the trash to Bret after the bell rings, and then stops to yell “I am the Mountie” and gets pinned by Bret at 1:14 with a suplex. Moving on.

Virgil v. Bam Bam Bigelow

I’m guessing this was Bigelow’s WWF return, because we just barely made it to his debut on the Superstars shows. Hey, speaking of Virgil, we’re finally getting an Olive Garden here in Saskatoon next month! Hopefully Virgil shows up for the opening. Virgil goes for the arm but gets faceplanted, then goes back to the armbar again. So Bam Bam beats him down and Virgil falls out of the ring and the ref DQ’s Bigelow for kicking too much ass at 2:41. Shitty match, shitty finish. DUD

Razor Ramon v. Randy Savage

Ramon attacks and slugs away in the corner, but Savage hits him with a hiptoss and knees him into the corner before choking him out on the ropes. Razor takes him down and works the leg, then stomps on the knee in the corner while Savage sells. And then stomps the knee some more. He goes to a half-(assed) crab but gets caught using the ropes, so he goes back to stomping the knee again. And he stomps. And he stomps. And he stomps. Did I mention the stomping? Savage comes back and they fight out on the floor, but it’s the hard camera shoot so we can’t see shit, and then Macho goes up with the double axehandle to make the comeback for real. But then Razor beats the count at 8:03. Complete nothing happening match. ½*

WWF World title: Bret Hart v. Papa Shango

The voodoo man pounds away in the corner to start, but misses a blind charge and Bret rolls him up for two. A crossbody gets two, but Shango dumps him to the floor on the kickout, so Bret slides back in under his legs and puts him out with a clothesline. Back in, Shango uses his dazzling array of fisticuffs to take over and stomps Bret down, and we get the turnbuckle bump from Bret. He fights back, but walks into a bearhug and has to bite the head to escape. But then, Shango is right back on offense punching and kicking at half-speed. And then it’s time for the most deadly of all mystical martial arts, the NECK MASSAGE OF DEATH, but Bret fights back before getting stomped down yet again. More nerve pinching, but Bret fights out and tries a sunset flip, which Shango blocks. Bret comes back with a sleeper, but Shango runs him into the turnbuckles to break and drops a couple of elbows on him. Finally he goes up and misses a flying elbow, and Bret makes the comeback with the Russian legsweep for two. Backdrop gets two. Middle rope clothesline gets two. Bret tries a bodypress and gets caught in a backbreaker, which allows Shango the time to undo a turnbuckle. Bret rams him into the steel, however, and puts him away with the Sharpshooter at 10:33. Just a match, it was fine. **

Nailz v. The Ultimate Warrior

What a dream match to close out the show! Nailz attacks in the corner and chokes him out right away, then chokes him out some more, at which point Warrior randomly makes the comeback, clotheslines him a bazillion times, and finishes with a shoulderblock and splash at 2:11. Hopefully Nailz didn’t use up all his calling privileges while phoning this one in. DUD

The Garvin interview is a minor historical curiosity, but the rest of this show is duller than dishwater and absolutely not worth bothering with. Unless you need, like, background noise for the cats to listen to so they think you haven’t left the house or something.