The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite–10.23.19

The SmarK Rant for AEW Dynamite – 10.23.19

Sweet! TSN has the show streaming on demand afterwards. I’ve managed to avoid all spoilers for this, so I’m pumped.

Live from Pittsburgh, PA

Your hosts are Tony, JR & Excalibur

AEW tag title tournament, semi-finals: Private Party v. The Lucha Brothers

Marc Quen trades some flips with Fenix, but he goes after Penta and gets suplexed by Fenix as a result. The Luchas double-team him, but they try a double facebuster and Quen springboards off them way in the air and makes the tag to Kassidy. Private Party does some slick double-teaming on Fenix in return, with Kassidy putting him in a camel clutch and Quen jumping over his partner and double-stomping Fenix’s head. Fenix bails and Quen hits an incredibly high dive, and Kassidy gets the tornado DDT on Pentagon into Quen’s 450 for two. But then Quen gets double-stomped by Fenix after a double springboard, and Fenix alley-oops Pentagon into the corner for a dropkick as well. And then they stack Kassidy onto Quen’s shoulders and basically dropkick him into a reverse rana on his own partner! That’s nuts. Penta with the pumphandle driver on Quen for two. The Luchas go to work on Quen, who fights back with a pair of ranas on them, and into a blind tag on Kassidy. Kassidy springboards in with his own sloppy rana, as they’ve clearly got nerves on the big stage. But hey, they’re excited, can you blame them? Kassidy dives all over, hitting Penta with a quebrada to the floor and a crucifix bomb on Fenix for two. They do more wacky double-teams on Fenix and Quen actually loses the tails, so it’s serious. Shooting star press gets two. Fenix takes out Kassidy and manages to powerbomb Quen at the same time as he legdrops Kassidy, and it’s over to Pentagon. He sets up the package piledriver, but Quen escapes and Kassidy dives in for the Gin & Juice out of nowhere on Fenix. But Penta is legal, so they try it on him, but he somehow reverses Kassidy’s rana into a Canadian Destroyer because WHY THE FUCK NOT. Kassidy gets dumped and Quen’s arm gets BROKEN, and the package piledriver ends the party at 12:24. This was kind of sloppy due to Private Party being overflowing with enthusiasm on live TV, but I’m OK with guys being too excited and happy to be there instead of robotically working to the hard cam. In fact I’m bumping it up another half-star because I just enjoy watching both teams so much. **** Marc Quen is really just freakishly athletic, like Shelton Benjamin back when he gave a shit years ago.

Meanwhile, Wardlow finally gets another vignette after not being mentioned for months. It seems as though he’s quite strong.

AEW tag title tournament, semi-finals: SCU v. The Dark Order

We get another look at the video for the Dark Order that was on AEW Dark, although it still doesn’t do much to actually explain the gimmick or why we should care. Kaz gets some armdrags on Grayson, but he goes to yell at Gurl Hebner and that allows Uno to come in for a double-team. Kazarian fights back with a lariat and Scorpio gets a dropkick for two, but Grayson cuts him off with a clothesline for two. Sky double-stomps his back and it’s over to Kazarian for a corner dropkick that gets two. Grayson gets a Pele kick to put Scorpio on the floor, which allows Uno to run him into the stairs and take over. Back in, Grayson gets two and we take a break. Back with Grayson working the neck and the Order trades off in the corner with chops on Sky. Uno with a suplex for two and suddenly the arena wakes up and erupts as LE CHAMPION and his Inner Circle head through the crowd on the way to their no doubt ludicrously expensive box seats. Meanwhile, Kazarian gets a hot tag, although the crowd stopped caring about this match as soon as Jericho made his entrance, and Kaz runs wild. Neckbreaker on Grayson gets two. Rollup on Uno while he suplexes Grayson, and that gets two. Kaz goes up and Grayson cuts him off and brings him down before suplexing Scorpio into him for two. Assisted powerbomb gets two. Sky gets a blind tag and springboards in with a cutter on Uno, into double dragon sleepers from SCU, but Grayson runs Kaz into Sky to break the whole thing up. Sky comes back on both Order, but Grayson dives out of the way and hits Kaz from over the post in the process. Uno gets a uranage on Sky for two after that distraction. Dark Order tries their finisher, but Kazarian comes flying in with a tornado DDT onto the apron, taking out Uno. This leaves Grayson alone with them, and SCU finishes with SCU-later at 13:40 to advance to the finals. Took a while to build but it ended up a hell of a match. ***1/2

Joey Janela v. Kenny Omega

Kenny is actually announced as the AAA Super Mega Heavyweight Champion, but is that more prestigious than being LE CHAMPION? I think not. They trade wristlocks to start and Kenny takes him down before they fight to the apron, where Kenny boots him to the floor and follows with a pescado. Back in, Omega with a Nash choke in the corner, but Joey hits him with running forearms into the corner. JR notes that the women in the audience are jealous because has better hair than them. Nash had the same problem. Joey sends him to the floor with a low dropkick and follows with a crossbody to the floor, which gets two in the ring. Kenny fights back with chops as we take a break, and return with Kenny trying the You Can’t Escape, but Janela does indeed escape it. So Kenny gives him the dragon suplexes, but Janela comes back with a flying elbow for two. Janela shows off in the corner and Kenny drops him on the top turnbuckle as a result, and follows with a knee strike for two. Janela counters the V-Trigger with a german suplex for two, however. Janela gets all fired up and turns Kenny inside out with a lariat for two, but he tries a senton onto Kenny out on the apron and that goes badly for him. Back in, Kenny with the V-Trigger and One Winged angel and it’s goodbye and good night at 14:10. Not at the level of the Dark match for craziness, of course, but this was still well worth checking out. ***1/4

Cody Rhodes joins us for a word with Tony while LAX try to annoy him with air horns in the skybox. Cody’s got some kind of announcement, but Jericho keeps being an ass, so Cody points out that there’s no “invisible wall” like in the other company, and he can easily step through for a fight whenever they want. Jericho is pretty sure Cody is full of it because he’s “entitled millennial bitch” and also because it’s 4-on-1 and Cody doesn’t have any backup. So Dustin Rhodes comes out to help, but Jericho points out that it’s only 4-on-2 and they’re still cowards. So next we get MJF, but Jericho isn’t scared of anyone wearing a scarf. WHO WEARS A SCARF? But Cody also has DDP, which makes it 4-on-4. I think we need a sad Adam Page meme where he keeps waiting for the call to help and gets passed over. “Oh, sorry, Hangman, we’re already got DDP. We don’t need you tonight. Maybe go hang out in catering.” So with the odds now even, the babyfaces (and MJF) storm the gates and Jericho grabs his bubbly and runs away to the safety of a locked door. But Cody punches through the glass and the brawl is on, as we go back to the Attitude Era and fight through the concession. THEY’RE GONNA DESTROY THE DIPPIN DOTS! Security finally breaks it up and hauls them off while Jericho screams about his tickets and hides behind security. THEY BOUGHT TICKETS!

So yeah, this was GREAT. They’re somehow pulling off a miracle and making the Jericho-Cody PPV match look like a giant deal.

The Best Friends v. The Young Bucks

Orange Cassidy stops by to interrupt the Bucks’ posing and gives them a pair of vicious superkicks, but they somehow survive and hit their own. Figures, the owners no-selling the most devastating finisher in the business. The Friends quickly double-team Matt, but Nick comes back with the springboard X-Factor into the quebrada on Chucky. The Best Friends bail and regroup. Gotta say, Nick’s hairline isn’t exactly saying “Young” Buck anymore. Maybe Uncle Buck. The Best Friends beat on the Bucks outside and hit a Doomsday Device off the apron on Bald Jackson. Back in the ring, Trent goes to work on Matt with chops, but Matt suddenly escapes and hits Chucky with a DDT on the apron. Orange stops by again, being all “laconic and sloth-like” according to Excalibur, and Trent takes over on Matt back in the ring before clotheslining him to the floor again as we take a break. Back with Nick missing a 450 as Trent hits a german suplex, but Nick hits a high kick from behind and everyone is out. Chuck comes in with a series of suplexes on the Bucks and a pop up powerbomb on Matt for two. Chuck suplexes the Bucks into each other and hits Matt with the Falcon Arrow, and NO ONE KICKS OUT OF THE FALCON ARROW. Except for Matt. Again with the owners pulling that shit! The Friends regroup and give us the HUG, while Orange hits the dive onto the Bucks with hands in pocket. Chuck and Trent hit the Strong Zero on Nick for two, but Matt saves with a swanton. They set up for another Doomsday Device on Matt, but he lands on his feet and it’s SUPERKICK PARTY time. More Bang for Your Buck finishes Chucky at 13:11. Orange Cassidy’s workrate here was INCREDIBLE, as he carried the match single-handedly with his hands in his pockets. ***1/2

Meanwhile, we take a special look at Dr. Britt Baker DMD.

Jamie Hayter v. Dr. Britt Baker DMD

Hayter is apparently a comrade of Bea Priestley, although Britt brings some kind of weird mutant foam-headed freak with her as backup, so I’m betting on Hayter. They exchange punches in the corner and Hayter suplexes Britt into the turnbuckles and then sends her into the stairs while JR and Tony have a discussion of fake doctors in wrestling. Wait, are they saying Tom Pritchard ISN’T actually medically licensed to practice in the field of desire? Well, shit. We take a break and return with a slugfest, but Hayter jumps on her back with a sleeper until Baker escapes with a slam. Britt comes back with knees in the corner and a sling blade for two. Britt tries a neckbreaker and Hayter reverses into a Michinoku driver for two. They mess up the timing on a charge spot in the corner a bit, but Baker comes back with a superplex and then Hayter hits her with a uranage and lariat for two. Baker with a cutter and the neckbreaker for two, and then a superkick sets up the LOCKJAW to finish at 9:51. They tried hard, although Britt is still really green. But the huge crowd reaction to her made up for it. **1/2

Meanwhile, Hayter tries to get a word in with the interviewer, but Brandi Rhodes lays her out from behind for mysterious reasons.

Pac v. Jon Moxley

Pac wastes no time by hitting Mox with a chair during his entrance, although at least he waits for Justin Roberts to finish going “JEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-ON MOXLEY!” They brawl on the floor and Mox gets run into the railing before Pac throws him in to start the match proper. He immediately tries the Black Arrow, but Mox rolls out to escape, so Pac hits him with a springboard dive and goes to work on him back in the ring. Legdrop gets two, but Moxley beats on him in the corner until Pac fires back with kicks for two. He chokes away in the corner and we take a break, and return with Pac kicking him in the face to set up a shooting star for two. They fight to the apron and Moxley gets a bulldog driver onto the apron in a sick bump, but he rolls right back in the ring off that and Moxley makes the comeback with clotheslines in the corner. He follows with the lariat and drop suplex for two. Pac bails and Mox hits him with the suicide dive while we get the call of 5:00 of TV time left, which draws automatic boos from the crowd. Moxley keeps coming with a shining wizard for two. Texas Cloverleaf, but Pac makes the ropes, so Moxley goes up and gets crotched as a result. Pac with the Falcon Arrow for two and that sets up the Black Arrow, but Moxley revives and cradles for two. They fight to the floor again and Pac hits him with a 450 from the apron to the floor, and back in for the Black Arrow, but it misses. We have 1:00 left as Moxley crawls over and gets two. Dirty Deeds gets two as TV time expires at 14:00. Moxley is so annoyed by this that he beats up the ref and we’re out for the week. ***

Man, as usual this show just makes me so happy to be a wrestling fan. But of course it goes without saying that Orange Cassidy stole the show.